My Life as a Mom with CF

Results

2012-01-21T06:43:00.001-08:00

Good news! My prolactin levels are normal, so I don't have to worry about weaning DD! My TSH was 5.1, which my RE described as "borderline." He called in a prescription for Synthroid and wants me re-checked in three weeks. If my thyroid levels are normal, I think we will be back on the TTC train, although we decided to try on our own until after Lily's birthday.

My glucose tolerance test and vitamin levels were all normal as well.

Now if I could just shake this general "crappiness" that I have been feeling lately. I can't really pinpoint what it is, but I go through these phases where I get night sweats, wake up wheezing, cough up more junk, and just feel a bit crappy. I don't know if it's a sinus infection, reflux, or a lung issue. I thought maybe it was triggered by allergies because it seems to happen when the weather changes (especially when it gets humid), which is why I am getting the shots. It's too soon for the shots to be working, though. I am counting down the weeks until I reach the 3-6 month period where I might start to notice that the shots are working!

Back to the RE!

2012-01-10T11:58:00.000-08:00

Last week Greg and I headed back to the RE! We went back a little earlier than originally planned after I got some abnormal test results from a routine physical. I had the physical back in October, and a month later I received results of the lab work in the mail. The results showed my thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH) was high. The paper said the normal range was 1-4.0, and mine was 7.4.

I didn't know what this meant, so I called my PCP right away. They took over a week to get back to me, despite calling repeatedly. In the meantime, I did a lot of Googling and read things about increased risk of miscarriages. So, I called my OB's office (the results were forwarded to her). The OB said that, because my free T4 was normal, I didn't require treatment. But this conflicted with everything I read online. When my PCP's office finally called me back, they also said I didn't need to be treated.

So I decided to make an appointment with the RE, and I am so glad I did! He was very surprised that I was not being treated. He confirmed what I read about miscarriages and also said a high TSH can cause birth defects. So, he ordered another TSH test and said he is (most likely) going to put me on meds. He wants to see my TSH below 2.5. So, I have to get the blood work done, start the meds, wait four weeks, and then get more blood work to see if the meds are working. And, once I get PG again, he will up the dose of the meds. So I'm glad we decided to go see him a bit earlier than planned, because this might take some time.

He also said that, although my cycle is back, the fact that I am still nursing could contribute to my IF by causing high prolactin levels. So he's also testing me for that. If it's normal, we might be able to start IUIs once my thyroid is under control, (but he has to do more research on clomid + nursing). Otherwise, I will have to wean DD before TTC.

Greg and I are not exactly sure when we want to go back for IUIs. Our goal is to have our children about three years apart, which would mean getting pregnant in August or September. But, we all know that you can't exactly plan when you get pregnant! I got my cycle back about 9 month ago, and we have been "not trying but not avoiding" with no success, so we are assuming we'll need to do IUIs again. The RE said he will do the exact same thing he did when I got pregnant with Lily, (which means 50mg clomid CDs 3-7) and follie checks starting on CD 9, so hopefully I will respond the same way, but you never know.

We may start as soon as March or April, or wait until after Lily's birthday. I'd really like Lily to be potty-trained before another baby arrives, but I would hate to keep waiting and then have a hard time getting PG. Hmmm....Well, in the meantime, we'll think about it and enjoy life!

18 Months

2011-12-09T11:39:00.000-08:00

Last week Lily had her 18 month check-up. She is doing great! Her gross motor skills are completely caught up and she answered all of the doctor's questions ("What sound does a cow make?" "Where is your eye?" etc.). She is still a little peanut, just like her daddy was at her age. Her weight was 20lbs 4 oz (5th percentile) and her height was 20-3/4" (7th percentile).

I feel like I fall in love with every stage of her life. I always think to myself, "I love this age!" The past month has been awesome. Her language has taken off and I love hearing her say new things. Lately she always likes to point out when someone is wearing a hat. She also likes to stand on chairs (which she knows she is not supposed to be doing) and say "Tall! Tall!" and then give Greg and I a michevious smile and say "Sit! Sit" and quickly sit down.

I have been feeling really good the past week. I'm not sure why, but my cough has really subsided. It's been so nice!

Rush Immunotherapy

2011-11-27T19:19:00.000-08:00

Before I talk about my allergy shots, I want to answer a question about baby shampoo. There is an article here about why I add it to my sinuses rinses. Basically, it helps rinse away thick mucus and can inhibit the formation of pseudomonas biofilms.

So, last week I began my allergy shots with Rush Immunotherapy, which is just a fancy term for "getting the first three months of allergy shots out of the way at once." I got a total of nine shots over the course of about 2-1/2 hours. It was not bad at all. The first five shots barely hurt. Then next four (which was a stronger dose) felt like a bee sting, and my arms were itchy and got welts on them, but that was it. Totally worth it. Now I will start getting weekly shots for at least nine months.

One strange thing I noticed at the appointment was the result of my peak flow test. I have a peak flow meter at home, but I haven't really used it. At the allergist, they had my do a standard pulmonary function test, and my numbers were the same as they have been at CF clinic (100% +). But, then they had me do a peak flow measurement, and it was much lower than it should have been for someone my age and height, according to the nurse. I should have blown 488 L/min, and it was all I could do to get that thing up to 400 L/min. I asked the allergist about it, but he didn't have much of an answer other than, "The peak flow meters take practice." Well, I have since been "practicing" at home and I still can't do any better. I'm going to have to ask my CF doctor about this at my next appointment.

Here's to hoping the shots help with my CF symptoms!

My New CF Routine

2011-11-21T13:39:00.000-08:00

Wow, I can't believe I haven't blogged in so long! I have no excuse other than I have been reading and watching TV after Lily goes to bed, but I'm going to try to make more time for blogging.

These past months have been great. Lily has really outgrown her fussiness and is an absolute joy to take care of now! I am so in love with being a stay at home mom. We have a good routine established. Usually we go for a jog, shower, head out to Gymboree, the park, or a play date, run an errand, eat lunch, nap (well, Lily naps while I clean), and then go to the gym or cook dinner. She's very good at playing independently or watching Sesame Street while I do my meds.

Speaking of meds, the last time I blogged I had just gotten rid of my first PICC line. The PICC line was a big kick in the pants for me. It made me realize that I need to do everything I can to keep myself healthy for a long time. So I've been doing a lot of reading about CF treatments and have gradually been trying new things. And I think they are helping.

At my August clinic visit, three months after I started Cayston, my FEV1 was up 2% to 115%. Not a huge jump, but it was the highest it had been in a while. I asked my doctor about trying n-acetylecystine (NAC) and Pulmozyme. He said he didn't really know if NAC would help but that it wouldn’t hurt to try it, and he hadn't put me on Pulmozyme because he wasn't sure the benefit would outweigh the time it takes to neb the medicine. Well, I can definitely say that the Pulmozyme is worth it. I immediately noticed a difference. It really helped with my junky cough - it was almost like it dissolved my mucus. LOVE IT. I'm still on the fence about the NAC. I take PharmaNAC, which is what is being used in the clinic trials. The trials showed it reduced markers of lung inflammation in CFers, so I'm still taking it, but I don't notice any immediate affect like with Pulmozyme.

I also decided to be more aggressive about treating my sinus disease. When I was on the IV antibiotics, my sinuses felt the best they had in years - no postnasal drip or headaches. Two weeks after the PICC was removed, the symptoms came back. So I went to my ENT and asked if there was anything else I could do. I did not find him very helpful, so I asked my CF doctor for a referral to a new ENT. This new guy suggested I try adding Alkalol to my sinus rinses, (the recipe was 1/4 cup Alkalol, 3/4 cup water, a sinus rinse packet, and a few drops of baby shampoo), and use a nasal spray that consisted of two Singulair tablets dissolved in a 1.5 fluid ounce bottle of saline nasal spray. WOW. What a difference that made! My sinus symptoms were so much better! I almost wanted to kiss him. Even my CF doctor mentioned that I didn't clear my throat as often. So, now my sinus routine consists of the Alkalol sinus rinse, the Singulair nasal spray, a Xylitol nasal spray, and Nasonex.

After three months of the new sinus regime, NAC, and Pulmozyme, my FEV1 was up another 3% to 118%! I am so excited to almost be back at 120%, which is what it was before I moved to Austin from the northeastern US.

And now it's time for Phase III of operation "Get in Peak Shape." My CF doctor wants me to try taking 500 mg of Azithromycin every MWF. It's supposed to help with inflammation. I tried this about eight years ago and noticed it helped, but it also hurt my stomach, so I quit taking it. But, I figured I could give it another shot.

In addition, tomorrow I am starting allergy shots. I'm doing what's call "rush immunotherapy" where I get the first 12 weeks of shots done in a matter of 3 hours. I've been putting it off because it's a lot of time (a shot once a week for at least a year) and I've heard it doesn't always help. But now I have the time and want to give it a try.

My next step is to be better about airway clearance. I have always exercised 4-5 days a week, but I hardly ever vest because it's time consuming and I don't notice that it helps. (And, honestly, I also hate how the vest is so huge and cumbersome.) So, instead I am going to try keeping an Acapella in my car and using that while I am driving around and doing it for a few minutes here and there when I am feeling junky.

So, there’s a long update from me! I am hoping to do more of these from now on!

PICC is Gone!

2011-04-27T04:35:00.000-07:00

Good news! My FEV1 was 113% and I the PICC is gone! I met with the physician's assistant at my CF doctor's office and I asked a ton of questions.

The PA took my questions to the doctor. He said that, if I want to be aggressive, I can go back on a bi-monthly nebulized antibiotic. My understanding is that aggressive treatment leads to better health, so I agreed, (even though I don't really want to do another another neb!). Luckily, instead of going back on Colistin, they want to put me on Cayston. I say "luckily" because the Cayston only takes three minutes, three times a day, is portable, and the timing is flexible - I just have to do it at least four hours apart, so I could do it one day at 8:00am, then at 5:00pm, and then at 9:00pm, and then the next day do it at 8:00am, noon, and 5:00 pm, etc.

I also asked about the possibility of doing tune-ups in the future. As much as I hated being on IVs, I must admit that they made me feel awesome. My cough and post-nasal drip are totally gone. The PA agreed that it may be worth going back on IVs once a year even though my PFTs are fine. So, despite all the complaining I did during these past two weeks, this is something I am definitely interested in. I want to see how long my cough stays away. If it's a significant period of time, I think it's worth two weeks of suckiness. Not only because the cough is annoying, but also because I can't imagine that there's not some sort of lung damage going on when I have that cough, despite steady PFTs.

Of course, this morning I woke up with a sinus headache :P I made an appointment with my ENT for tomorrow because you would think two weeks of IV antibiotics would take care of my sinuses!

Trying the Crib for Naps (Again)

2011-04-26T07:10:00.000-07:00

Well, here we go again. I've tried to get Lily to nap in the crib twice, and both times it was a big FAIL. She has been napping in the swing for most of her life (or the car seat if she falls asleep in the car). The first time we tried to get her to nap in the crib was at four months. We tried cry-it-out and she would cry for a while, fall asleep for 20 minutes, and then wake up again and cry until I got her, (and I let her cry up to an hour and a half to try to see if she would fall back to sleep). The same thing happened when I tried at 6 months, and I tried for ten days that time! It was awful because she was soooo tired and fussy from napping so poorly.

It's been almost five months now, and I have been procrastinating on trying again. After all, she sleeps well in her crib at night, so I'm not worried that she is going to need a swing for the rest of her life. But, two things have happened that make me think it's time to try again: Her swing broke, and she learned how to roll from back to belly. I've been getting her to nap by putting her in the broken swing and giving it a big push, which has made it swing enough for her to fall asleep. But, today that didn't work and I watched her in the monitor as she was wiggling all over the place, trying to roll over in the swing! So, now she's been in her crib crying for 15 minutes. I hate this!

Almost Done

2011-04-25T18:42:00.000-07:00

I am supposed to get this PICC line out tomorrow, and I am so glad! I have an appointment with at CF doctor's office, and they are supposed to take it out if everything looks good. I will be shocked if it doesn't, considering I feel great. I actually feel better than I normally do when I am not sick. I typically get a cough from mid-morning until lunch time, but that has been 100% absent this week. I am curious to see what happens once I stop the IV antibiotics.

This past month has been so exhausting, I have that I-want-to-throw-myself-off-a-cliff tiredness that I had when Lillian was a newborn. One more day. One more day. I think I am going to sprint into my bed right after Lillian falls asleep tomorrow night.

I Must Be Crazy

2011-04-21T02:54:00.000-07:00

For some reason I thought it was a good idea to administer the Ceftaz in the middle of the night instead of at something reasonable like 10:00 PM and 6:00 AM. Greg and I both agreed 3:00 AM made sense "because it's easier to go back to sleep in the middle of the night." (That's a quote from Greg.) Plus, then my daytime dose would be at 11:00 AM, which would make it a lot easier to get out of the house and do stuff, instead of having to worry about running home to take my med out of the fridge.

Right. Greg has been awesome and getting up at 2:00 to take the Ceftaz out of the fridge so that I don't have to wake up at 2:00 and 3:00. And he can go right back to sleep. The problem is, I need to be "on" in order to administer the med, so, once I have been awake and concentrating for 15 minutes, I have a hard time falling back to sleep. Added to that the facts that I was up coughing half the night for two weeks before starting IVs, I can't go to bed before 10:00 because I have to pump, and Lily wakes up at 6:00 every morning, (and sometimes earlier), I am absolutely exhausted! And this morning I could not fall back to sleep after my alarm went off at 3:00. I think I am going to start shifting my schedule for the last few days of this medication, because I feel like I have a newborn without the screaming baby.

Oh, and CF clinic called earlier this week and wants me to be on IVs for two weeks. I almost started crying. They said it was because I was having such a hard time kicking this thing and orals didn't work. I was confused because I thought the reason oral didn't work was because they were treating me for Staph when I had PA. Anyway, the IVs have worked great and I am staying on them for two weeks. I've felt back to 100% for several days now, so hopefully the extra days on the meds are doing some hard-core ass kicking.

I will admit that I did find it ironic that they also told me they wanted me to do a 14-day course "because you are tired from taking care of a baby." Actually, I am tired from taking these medications!

Day Five on IVs

2011-04-16T06:03:00.001-07:00

Being on home IVs is not too bad. I administer Tobra once a day and Ceftaz three times a day. The Ceftaz only takes about 10 to 15 minutes from the time I start washing my hands until I am throwing everything in the trash. I do it at 3am, 11am, and 7pm, so the worst is having to wake up in the middle of the night. For the 11am dose, I put The Muppet Show on TV to distract Lily. And then I don't have to mess with my IV for the rest of the time I am home alone with her.

Things are pretty busy once Greg gets home from work. The Tobra takes over an hour to infuse, so I start that when he gets home at 5:30. I do albuterol and hypertonic saline at the same time, and Greg throws together an easy dinner while he watches Lily. And then we all eat. (while the Tobra is still being infused). Then I make some ginger tea because the Tobra makes me feel like upchucking. After that, I administer the 7pm dose of Ceftaz. And then I vest for 20 minutes. Shortly after that, it's time for Lily's bath, so Greg does that while I rinse my sinuses and clean the kitchen. Then I comb her hair and brush her teeth, and Greg reads her a book and puts her to bed. She cries at bedtime now, which sucks, but it's better than risking her getting a high dose of Tobra through my milk. At 9:30, I pump for 20 minutes and then go to bed. I will say that this would not have been manageable if Greg had not canceled his work trip!

Oh, and perhaps most important of all, I am feeling better. I'm not 100%, yet, but I have more energy and I am coughing a lot less.

Great News (Tobra and Breastfeeding)

2011-04-13T13:04:00.000-07:00

On Monday night, Greg asked me why I can't nurse Lillian while I'm on IV tobra. I told him I wasn't sure and went to Dr. Google. Everything I found online said that it Tobra was a pregnancy category D medication, but that it was safe for breastfeeding. Dr. Google said that, because Tobra is poorly absorbed when taken orally (and hence the reason it's not available orally), it is not a breastfeeding risk.

I know not to trust what I find on the internet, but it made me want a second opinion. So, yesterday morning I spent about three hours on the phone.

I called Lily's pediatrician's office, and the nurse seemed confused as to why my CF doctor said I couldn't nurse. She said that it was fine to nurse while on Tobra. I called my lactation consultant. She looked up the drug in Dr. Hale's book and read that it was safe for nursing. She then referred me to Dr. Hale's Infant Risk Center. The Infant Risk Center has a hotline you can call to find out about the safety of a drug while pregnant or breastfeeding. The Infant Risk Center told me the following (I was typing while the woman spoke):

Tobra is considered a lactation risk L3, (on a scale of L1 to L5, which L1 being the safest and L5 meaning do not nurse while on this mediation). They said that levels in milk are low but could cause changes in a baby's gut flora. They quoted a study where a woman was given 150 mg three times a day. Tobra was not detectable in any milk samples, and no side effects were noted in infant. In another study, a woman was given 80 mg every 8 hours and the Tobra was detected in her milk at very low levels. They also explained that 2.6% of what I get ends up in my milk and that Tobra has a 2-3 hr half life. Based on this, they suggested waiting 3 hours until I nurse so that half of the Tobra would be out of my system.

Both studies and one additional one are listed on this site: http://www.drugs.com/breastfeeding/tobramycin.html, which the pharmacist at the home infusion company printed out for me.

After getting all of this information, I called my brother (an MD) and sister-in-law (a pedi NP). My sister-in-law suggested that I pump and dump about three hours after administering the Tobra, just to be extra safe. This is based on what they recommended to nursing women who were taking illicit drugs (apparently not all drugs are re-absorbed back into the bloodstream the way alcohol is, so the levels in my breastmilk may not be the same as the levels in my blood).

I also passed the information on to my CF doctor. He confirmed that his recommendation was based on the pregnancy category. He said he was okay with me nursing as long as I had done my research, but wanted to make sure that I knew that the affect of doing so is unknown (as it is the case for most drugs!).

Based on all of this, here is the plan: Because I only have to administer Tobra once a day, I will do it at 5:30pm and won't nurse Lily before bed. I will pump and dump at 9:30, (I rented a hospital-grade pump because I haven't been responding well to my Medela Freestyle). And that will give us at least 12 hours (4-6 half-lives) between administering the Tobra and nursing.

This is what we did last night and it went surprisingly well. The last time I nursed her was 4:00. After that, we tried to give her formula, but she rejected it. Instead, we gave her an early dinner at 5:30 and a snack at 7:30. Greg put her to bed at 8:00 and she cried for a few minutes and went to sleep! During the night she only woke up a couple of times and cried for a few minutes, but that was it. MUCH easier than I thought it would be!

I am so relieved and so happy that we can continue nursing!

Well, This Just Sucks

2011-04-12T05:07:00.001-07:00

My culture came back and my suspisions were correct - I have pseudomonas aeruginosa (again). I haven't cultured it in three years, so that combined with the fact that it was present in a small amount has my doctor hopeful that we can eradicate it. I felt silly admitting this, but I was wondering if I might have it again because my phlegm had this weird sweet taste, which I've heard is typical for PA (from other CFers).

My doctor wants to be really aggressive. The last time I cultured PA for the first time was in 2002. I was seeing a different doctor and he put me on three months inhaled TOBI and oral Cipro. That didn't work, and I was on an inhaled antibiotic every other month until I got pregnant with Lillian. (Although I stopped culturing it in 2008. I'm not sure why I stopped culturing it, though.) So, my doctor wants to put my on IV Tobramycin and another antibiotic (that I didn't catch the name of). And he says I can't nurse while I'm on Tobramycin.

I am really upset about this. Lily doesn't take a bottle but will drink water out of a straw sippy, so we are going to give her formula in the sippy (I don't have a freezer stash because I stopped pumping when she wouldn't take a bottle). And I am going to rent a hospital grade pump so I can pump and dump. I am so afraid she is going to cry and think I am rejecting her! It breaks my heart. And I am also afraid that, after 10+ days off the breast, she will not take it anymore. I am not ready for her to wean! I love our snuggles so much.

I've had a huge lump in my throat ever since I got the news about the Tobramycin. This month can suck a big one. Not only have I been sick and my husband has been traveling a ton, I had to put my cat down, and now I'm morning the potential end of nursing :(

I'm Feeling Better, But....

2011-04-11T10:26:00.000-07:00

The doctor still wants to put me on an IV :( Yesterday the gunkiness in my lungs subsided significantly, but last night I coughed so hard that now my upper-left back hurts when I breath or move. So, the doctor wants to do the IV just to make sure we knock this thing out. I am supposed to get the PICC line tomorrow. I am very curious to find out what I am culturing.

Ugh, I May Need an IV

2011-04-08T19:04:00.000-07:00

Today I called my CF doctor because I wanted to know when I should expect this nasty cough to go away. Because it was Friday, he wanted me to come in just to make sure things were okay. Annnnddd...they weren't. My PFTs were down 20% and he said I sounded like I had bronchitis. He agreed that I looked fine, (and, honestly, I feel fine except for this cough), but he was concerned because I had already taken two oral antibiotics, and he was worried about me permanently losing lung function.

So, he talked to me about two options: Giving the Augmentin a bit more time and adding Cipro, or going on an IV antibiotic. This is the first time I've been this sick since I've become his patient, so he wasn't quite sure which option to chose. He said that, if I were one of his "normal" CFers, it would definitely be an IV. But, because I'm so healthy and even non-CFers can get nasty lingering coughs after a bought with a bad virus, he wasn't as certain. I pressed him some more and he told me he would rather be aggressive, so I agreed to the IV.

The plan is to administer an IV antibiotic at home for 10 days. Based on my previous sputum cultures, he will treat me for Staph, which means an antibiotic every six hours. However, I was able to provide a sputum sample at the appointment, so that may change when the culture results come in next week.

I am feeling extremely nervous and overwhelmed by all this. Just the thought of losing lung function scares me. The idea of having to get up in the middle of the night when I am already really tired sounds like a drag. And Lily has been teething, which means really fussy and clingy. It's going to be hard to manage the treatments and take care of her, but I do have a plan - vest during naps and after she goes to bed. And, luckily, I'm still allowed to move around when the IV is being administered, so she'll just have to entertain herself for a few minutes whiles I get it set up. And, if I get really desperate, I can turn on Sesame Street.

HOWEVER, because I didn't see the doctor until Friday afternoon, he said they wouldn't be able to place the PICC line until Monday. So, I was sent home with a prescription for oral Cipro and an order to use my vest four times a day. My doctor said, if I get better over the weekend, I probably won't need the IV. So, I have everything crossed that this will happen!

I am hanging my hope on the fact that, way back in college, when I used to get sick like this, I got better without IVs and didn't lose lung function. I have only needed IVs once in my life, and that was 22 years ago! I just can't remember how long it took me to get better on oral antibiotics - it's been 10 years since I've been sick like this! I seem to remember being sick for about a month (when I used to get bronchitis). I definitely remember that I was sick long enough that I was fairly out of shape by the time I was able to run again (I remember telling my field hockey coach, "I ran an 11 minute mile today" and her not being impressed :P ).

So, I could use lots and lots of :::GetHealthyFastVibes:::

More Augmentin

2011-04-06T04:58:00.000-07:00

Lily seems to be feeling a lot better now - this sickness was just a little cold for her. For me, however, I definitely got some sort of CF-infection. I still felt pretty crappy after finishing the prednisone and Z-pak. Yesterday I felt like I was drowning in mucus, between coughing up junk and not being able to breath out of my nose. So, my CF doctor called in a 14-day course of Augmentin and Flonase. He also told me to call my ENT if my sinuses do not feel better in a few days. I am so over being sick - this winter has been rough!

I Spoke Too Soon :(

2011-04-03T05:03:00.000-07:00

Now Lily is definitely sick. She started going downhill yesterday and woke up this morning with a runny nose and cough. So we are following her doctor's instructions: Xylitol nasal drops, Advil, Muxinex, and Xopenex. I really hope she doesn't get even close to as ill as I have been!

Sick Again!

2011-04-01T18:39:00.001-07:00

It's just me this time, thankfully. I started feeling crappy last Wednesday and figured it was allergies. But, by Thursday night, I felt terrible - I kept waking up shivering and, when I took my temperature in the morning, it was 101.7. My CF nurse sent me to the RediClinic at the local grocery store to get a flu test. The test came back negative, but, because my symptoms all pointed towards the flu, the test results were only 80% accurate, and I had just rinsed my sinuses, the nurse practitioner at the clinic put me on Tamiflu.

I got my flu shot, but apparently there is a strain going around that the flu shot doesn't prevent. "Great, now Lily's going to get it," was all I could think. Despite the Tamiflu, I have kept getting worse until I had asthma-like wheezing that was keeping me up all night, so, on Tuesday I called my CF nurse to tell her I still had the fever and had respiratory symptoms. So, my CF doctor prescribed five days of prednisone and a Z-pak. I am on day three of these meds and am happy to say that the fever was gone yesterday. I still can't really breath out of my nose and am having a lot of wheezing, though. And I am coughing up green junk.

Thankfully, my mom just happened to be in town for 10 days and she was able to help while I spent most of my time laying on the couch! It was hard, though, because Lily is going through separation anxiety and kept looking at me and fussing. I felt really bad and kept getting up and playing with her on the floor. My mom was especially awesome because, each morning, she would take Lily after she nursed so I could sleep a few more hours.

Needless to say, we hadn't been out of the house in over a week. And, whatever I had, I must had given to Lily because yesterday she got a low fever of 99.9. I freaked and rushed her to the pediatrician because I was scared that she would get even more sick than I was. The doctor said that her only symptom was a red throat, and he said there was no way she had the flu. Today she seemed almost 100%.

So, whatever I have, it's not the flu and my guess is it caused a CF-lung infection because it barely affected Lily and no one else caught it. Hopefully I will be sleeping better soon because this wheezing thing blows. I've been doing albuterol every four hours and sometimes I'm dying for it by the time hour four comes around.

Oh, and in the midst of all this, my poor cat got really sick and I had to put him to sleep. He was my buddy for 13 years and I feel sick over it. I may write more about this later.

In fun news, Lily is advancing a bunch these days. She's getting closer to crawling, pulling to stand more often, and moving around more on her feet. Yesterday she was standing at her activity table with me sitting behind her, (as we always do so she doesn't fall on her noggin'), and she used my arm to turn herself around 180 degrees and gave me a hug. Awwww. Last week she started clapping, today she discovered how much fun it is to splash in the tub, and she is obsessed with reaching at things she finds interesting (her current fav is the 8x10 picture of herself ;). She's a little chatter box, too, which is fun. And she loves to swing outside - so much that, if you make a move toward the front door and then turn away, she will cry because she wants to go outside.

The downside of all this developmental stuff is that she has been sleeping less. She won't sleep past 5:45, and we're lucky to get two one hour naps out of her. Today it was two 40 minute naps. I'm ready to go back to the days of waking at 6:30 and 1.5 hour naps!

OMG!

2011-03-09T18:32:00.000-08:00

Tonight I was bringing Lily to bed and I said, "Say Goodnight to Daddy!" and Greg said, "Goodnight!" About 10 seconds later, Lily whispered, "Goo-nie." I just about died.

9 Months!

2011-03-07T18:38:00.001-08:00

Lillian is nine months old and being a mom just keeps getting better and better. I love her so much! It seems like she gets happier every month. We are in a really good routine now - Lily sleeps from 8:00 PM until 6:00 or 6:30 AM straight through the night (:::fist pump:::), and then she naps from 9-10 and from 2-4. I love that Greg and I get a few hours together each evening, and I get some time to get stuff done around the house during the day.

We are all recovered from bronchiolitis and Lily no longer needs the Xopenex or Pulmacort. I did get another case of thrush from starting the Symbicort and taking an antibiotic, so my CF doctor wrote me a prescription for Nystatin. Because the Symbicort has really reduced my nighttime wheezing, he also wrote me a prescription to continue swishing Nystatin every few days indefinitely. Hopefully this will keep the thrush at bay, (people who have been following this blog for a while may remember how I could horrible thrush a few years ago when I started taking Advair, and I had to stop taking it).

Right now I am in the process of adding dairy back into my diet. I am doing this as described in the book Baby 411. So far I've added cheeses and yogurt and Greg and I have not noticed an difference in Lily. This week I am eating ice cream and next week will be milk. My fingers are crossed that Lily won't start spitting up again!

And, Lily had her 9 month appointment last week. She weighs 17 pounds, which puts her into the 20th percentile. She is also in the 20th percentile for height and the 75th percentile for head circumference. I did talk to her doctor about the fact that she is behind average on her gross motor skills (she is not crawling yet and as still never rolled from back to front). Her doctor was not worried because Lily has been making progress, which is what the doctor really wanted to observe.

This is what Lily has been up to lately:

-She does scoot backwards and around in a circle on her belly, but she does not like being on her belly. Greg and I still make sure she does three 10-minute sessions of tummy time each day. We try to distract her with toys and books, but there is still a lot of whining involved. This makes me wonder if she will ever crawl.

-She loves to stand holding onto something and has pulled herself to standing several times over the past two weeks. Last night she started letting go and balancing for a few seconds. It was so cute! She would let go and hold her hands out like she was trying to balance on a surf board and get excited and squeal. She was so proud of herself.

-She babbles a ton. She can say "lalalala," "mamama," "dadadada," "nananana," "vavava," and "bababa." She actually said "mamama" before "dadada" (:::fistpump:::). And now she says "mama" and "dada" to the right person. Greg commented the other day about how he never hears her say "mama" and I hear her say it all the time. And, when she really wants to nurse, she cries and says "muuuummmm!" or "mum mum!"

-She is obsessed with books. Especially turning and ripping pages. This makes reading to her almost impossible. And board books are not nearly as fun as regular books, (but we try to keep her away from regular books because we don't want to encourage page-ripping).

-She loves Cheerios, baby cereal (but only one particular brand of cereal), puffs, Mum Mums, and bananas. She'll eat only a few bites of most fruits and veggies, whether it be pureed or in finger-food format. I was really excited tonight because I gave her whole sweet peas for the first time and she ate like 10 of them. My CF doctor actually asked me why I lost more weight and I was like, "Because I have this 17 pound baby who doesn't like to eat anything other than grains and breastmilk :P"

-She loves to play ball, she holds her hands up to play pattycake, and she helps me dress her by holding her arms out when I put her shirt on her.

-She loves to go out in public, especially if there are kids around. She always slaps her hand and yells "Heeeeyyyy!" at people. So cute.

-I've been trying to teach her baby sign language, but she's decided the sign for "more" is slapping the high chair tray (as in, "more Cheerios").

That's all for now! I'll end this with a baby of Daddy and Baby:

And one from the Kite Festival this weekend:

Awesome Gift!

2011-02-17T09:16:00.000-08:00

Check out this onesie that I received from a fellow mom with CF. Her child wore it and she passed it on to me. (I'm not sure if she wants me to call her out on here). It made me all teary-eyed.

Two Sickies

2011-02-09T06:07:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Lily and I both went to the doctor. I was freaking out because Lily looked like she was having trouble breathing, and I knew I was having trouble breathing. I gave Lily her first Xopenex treatment, and she responded really well to it (which is great, but it also makes me nervous that she may have asthma). However, I still wanted to get her checked by the doctor, considering her lungs had been rattly for a week. And I needed to get checked myself because I had a ton of junk in my lungs and was feeling short of breath. I was also still running a fever.

So, I went to the CF doctor and Greg took Lily to the pediatrician. My O2 sats were fine (99%) and my PFTs looked normal, so my doctor said it looks like I just have a really bad cold (he did say that he could hear stuff in my lungs). He told me to keep taking albuterol and vesting every four hours and he said I could try some Muxinex and Afrin. He also wrote me a prescription for Prednisone that I could fill "if I felt I needed it." He said I should call him back if I don't get better in a week, or if my sputum production (there's some gross CF-lingo for you) changes.

Lily's pediatrician said that her breathing still sounded gunky but she was not in distress. She wrote Lily a prescription for Pulmicort and told Greg to call back in two days. She said that Lily might have to take an antibiotic or oral steroid if she's still gunky.

Luckily we both seem to be feeling a little better today - we both are still have gunky coughs, but I no longer feel feverish and Lily is in a better mood. Fingers crossed this goes away soon because we are both so ready to get back to our routine!

And....Now I'm Really Sick

2011-02-05T08:51:00.000-08:00

Ugh. My lungs are all rattly, I was up half the night coughing, my head is completely blocked up, my throat hurts, and I feel feverish, dizzy, and weak. I haven't been this sick in a long, long time (It's probably been 10 years). My CF doctor called in an antibiotic (Augmentin) yesterday, so hopefully it will kick-in soon. But, right now I am in no shape to take care of my little peanut and I don't have a crystal ball to tell me when I will be feeling better. So, we are flying my mother-in-law in to help out this week. It sucks that we have to spend the $$$ on a last minute flight, but I knew this was eventually going to happen. I am just so grateful to have an awesome, retired mother-in-law!

Lillian is still sick too. Her lungs still sounds a little rattly and she cut another bottom tooth - so the poor babe has been teething AND sick. So, it's all-around fun times in our household right now :P

Lillian Has Bronchiolitis :(

2011-02-02T14:37:00.000-08:00

My poor peanut! She developed a runny nose on Friday, spiked a fever on Saturday, and started coughing on Monday. The cough had not gotten better, her breathing sounded a bit rattly, and she was super fussy today, (she would scream unless I held her and walked around in circles), so I took her to the doctor. He diagnosed her with mild bronchiolitis.

He said to give her Tylenol or Motrin if she seemed to be in pain, push the fluids, use a cool-mist humidifier, and elevate the head of her bed, all of which are things we've already been doing. He also said we could take her into the shower with us and give her some mucinex. And he sent her home with...albuterol and hypertonic saline! The exact same two drugs I take everyday. So, not only are we both on Zegerid, now we might both be on the same breathing treatments :P The doctor said she only needed them if she was having trouble sleeping.

I feel sick too, so this sucks all around! I started coughing up junk yesterday and am really tired and achy today, so we may be hiring a mother's helper for the next two days. I called my CF doctor and he said to wait until Friday, and, if I'm not feeling better by then, he wants to call in an antibiotic.

Here's to hoping for a healthy household soon!

8 Months and Clinic Visit

2011-02-01T18:57:00.000-08:00

Lillian turned 8 months old on Sunday! That seems so old to me. Here's a bit about what she is doing at 8 months:

-She's pushing herself up on her belly and scooting backwards and around in a circle. I'm not sure if she is going to crawl or just go straight to cruising. I try to give her at least 20 minutes of tummy time every day.

-She stands holding onto something and I can tell she is dying to move, but she doesn't yet get the concept of picking up her feet.

-She sits really well and loves to sit and play with her toys.

-She also loves the excersaucer, jumperoo, and activity table.

-She has advanced fine motor skills and can pick up a small object with the tips of her thumb and forefinger. She's been banging objects together for over a month, and she recently started throwing things, (not just dropping, but actually raising them and chucking them onto the sofa/bed), picking them up, throwing them back down, picking them up, and repeat. She actually started using the touchscreen on our ipod touch today and Greg and I were in shock.

-She loves to babble and can say "mamama," "dadada," "lalala," and "bababa." Right now she is obsessed with "dadada." Sometimes she jumbles it all together and it sounds like she is "talking." It is soooo cute. I freaking LOVE babbling!

-She is not a big eater. We introduced solids at 5-1/2 months and it took about a month before she would eat more than a teaspoon of anything. I've been cycling through all of the fruits, veggies, and cereals, and so far she only really eats Happy Bellies rice cereal, bananas, Mum Mums, and Gerber Puffs. I've tried things pureed and finger-food style. She'll take a few bites and then be done with it.

-She is sooo smiley and social. I love how easy it is to make her smile. And she loves other people. When we go out in public, I put her in a carrier facing-outward and she just kicks like crazy. Everyone tells me how cute she is ;) It's so fun. We also started Gymboree and she loves it. She slaps the floor and yells "ahhhhhh!" at the other babies :) (She always slaps things when she is happy - Greg and I call it "slappa slappa.")

-She usually sleeps 8:00-6:00ish and takes 1 to 1-1/2 hour naps at 9:30 and 2:00ish.

-She has one bottom tooth.

There's the run-down on Lillian. Here's a quick synopsis of my clinic visit:

-My FEV1 is holding steady at 112%

-My culture showed Staph at the last clinic visit (in November). This is a change from previous visits - I hadn't cultured anything in years.

-My doctor wanted to try Symbicort to see if it helps with the nighttime wheezing I've experienced. (I'm also supposed to get a endoscopy of my upper GI tract to see if reflux may be causing the wheezing, I just need to schedule it with my gastro).

-He was a little annoyed that I had lost weight, but I'm exactly where I was pre-baby (which means I still haven't lost the IF weight). I did try to lose enough weight to fit into my clothes, but I also lost a little more just because Lillian isn't eating much solid food and nurses all the time. I am always starving and eating like a freaking pig.

That's about it for now! I'm just excited I blogged twice in one week!

It's Been Four Months!

2011-01-28T02:14:00.000-08:00

Holy Cow, it's been FOREVER since I have blogged! Things were crazy for a while and I didn't have time to do much of anything! For a few months, Lillian decided that napping wasn't her thing, and she would only take two 25-minute naps a day. Then she was really fussy from being tired. There were times I felt like I was going to lose my mind! But, now she's napping at least two hours a day AND sleeping 10 hours straight at night!

So, because this is a CF blog, I will start with a CF update. I had a clinic appointment in November and everything is still looking good: No change in PFTs (FEV1 was around 110%) and my cultures were still clear. I did catch a cold last month and developed a sinus infection that spread to a small Staph skin infection on the tip of my nose, but that's cleared up thanks to antibiotics.

Postpartum recovery has been a bit challenging, though. I am having a hard time recovering from childbirth and have to go to physical therapy every week and spend 10 minutes a day doing exercises to fix the problem.

I also developed plantar fasciitis in my right foot and have been making lots of trips to the podiatrist and have had to cut way back on cardio, which is driving me crazy! Back in November the podiatrist taped up my foot and I developed this horrible allergic rash that made me want to claw my skin off and required two weeks of prednisone just so the itching wouldn't drive me insane :/

I am still in shock that I didn't get sick from all the sleep deprivation I endured!

In Lillian news, she is doing GREAT. A little before seven months really was a turning point for us, as far as fussiness was concerned. Now she is soooooooo happy!!! It is so easy to make her smile and she loves to babble and yell and laugh. Greg and I are having so much fun with her.

She's a little peanut, with a height in the 20 percentile and a weight in the 30th percentile, but I'm not surprised considering Greg and I are fairly petite people. She has pretty advanced fine motor skills - she loves to sit and play with toys and is good at picking up small objects - but she is a bit behind with her gross motor skills. At the beginning of December, her doctor was concerned about the muscle tone in her arms. The doctor said that we had to do lots of tummy time for a month, and, if she wasn't considerably stronger, she needed to see a neurologist. Luckily, Lillian saw the doctor a few weeks ago, and the doctor was happy with her progress :)

So there is a quick and dirty update :) I promise I am going to try to blog more. Hopefully I will have some pictures in my next post!

I Love This Age!

2010-10-14T04:21:00.000-07:00

I kind-of wish I could stop the clock right now. Lillian is so much fun these days, and she has become such a happy, easy baby. She loves to smile and talk up a storm. It is like night and day compared to a month ago. Greg and I were discussing about how, now that we can look back and compare the "new" Lillian to the baby we had during months 0-3, it is easy to say for sure that she had colic!

I think we are finally starting to get into a routine. I found the book "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child" to be extremely helpful in learning what I should expect as far as Lillian's sleep patterns, and I've been steering her in that direction. She goes to sleep between 6:30 & 7:00 and she wakes up a few times to nurse - some nights it's once or twice and other nights it's still four times. A few weeks ago, she was waking up super early, sometimes before 5:00 AM, and it was killing me. And I could tell she was still tired. So I've started taking her into bed with me when she wakes up, and she nurses and usually falls back to sleep until at least 6:00, sometimes as late as 6:30. I think we both feel better now!

She's down to three naps a day, which makes life a bit easier. After a few hours of her playing in her various "stations" (high chair w/ toys, playmat, swing, bouncer, crib looking at her mobile) while I eat breakfast, do my medicine, and get ready for the day, she takes her first nap around 9:00ish. This one has been the hardest one to get her down for. There is often a lot of crying in the pack n' play.

The other two naps usually occur in the carseat. We run errands after her morning nap and she falls asleep on the way home between 11:00 and 12:00. And her third nap is usually between 3:00 and 4:00, when we are on our way home from the gym.

Lily loves to get out of the house! It's part of the reason I love this age - everything is new to her and she is so happy to be facing-out in the Bjorn and just looking around. Everyone always stops us and says how cute she is, which is fun :) And she is doing great in gym daycare. I am so thankful for gym daycare because it allows me to get my exercise and gives me a little break. She usually spends about 60 to 90 minutes in there on weekdays.

She is still not very good at taking her Zegerid. It's a challenge because we have to give her 2.5 ml, which is a lot. We squirt it in her cheek in 0.1-0.2 ml doses, but she still spits about half of it out. So I am still giving her Mylanta once or twice a day, usually when she starts fussing while nursing. She loves Mylanta - she gets all excited and open her mouth wide and sucks the stuff down.

In other news, I've decided to start actually using the DSLR camera we got for Christmas last year, so hopefully I will be posting more pictures! Here is one I took yesterday of Lily playing in her high chair (the bib is because she had just gotten her medicine):

Swing Transition: Days Two and Three

2010-10-02T12:42:00.000-07:00

As I wrote in my last post, yesterday Lillian went down for her first nap in the swing with no motion. My original plan was to wait three days to move her to the pack n' play, but the transition from swinging to not swinging went so well that I was considering doing it more quickly. For her second nap, we had an appointment with a title company to refinance our house, so she fell asleep in the car.

For her third nap, I did the same routine as the morning nap, but she starting trying to roll onto her side in the swing and I decided it was time to try the pack n' play. I placed her in there with two of her favorite toys: A Lamaze doll and the Fisherprice Seahorse. And the screaming began. It was a total replay of Day 1, only I was terrified it would last much, much longer because Lillian didn't know that the pack n' play was a place for sleep. I kept going in and hugging, kissing, and patting her, and I even picked her up one time, but I couldn't stop her from screaming. After 30 minutes of screaming, she stopped crying and started sucking on her hand. She cried, quieted down, cried, quieted down, and then she fell asleep five minutes later. Similar to Day 1, she woke up after 15 minutes and I had to run in and turn the blow dryer back on, (and to answer Alicea's question, we do run a fan when she sleeps, and turning on the fan is part of the naptime/bedtime routine, but apparently the sound isn't loud enough to help soothe her when she is fussy). Then she slept another 50 minutes. She did not wake up smiling like she did yesterday, though. Instead she woke up crying and I felt a knot in my stomach, wondering if I did the right thing. But, once she was up and playing, she was all smiles and loving her mom again ;)

The next time she went down was for the night, so we did our routine and I put her in the pack n' play. She started playing with her doll, and, after a few minutes, got frustrated and started crying. After about five minutes of fussing/crying, I went in and took the doll away and hugged and kissed her. She smiled at me. After that, I watched her on the video monitor for twenty minutes as she played for a while, then sucked on her hand, and then went to sleep! I seriously could not believe it! It was too easy.

Seriously, the crying was about as bad as the time we got stuck in traffic and she wanted out of her car seat. It sucked and broke my heart, but it was not as bad as I feared and I think it was totally worth it to get her used to sleeping in a "bed."

Last night she was up a lot to nurse. And she did wake up once when I knew she wasn't hungry because she had just nursed - She cried for about five minutes and then went back to sleep.

Today (Day 3) was okay. She didn't nap well. She cried when we put her down for naps, but it was just like the fussiness she's had at many nap times in the swing. There was one nap where she slept, fussed, slept, fussed, slept, for an hour, which was unusual. So, I think she is still getting used to the new sleeping space and position, and I am hoping she'll start sleeping better soon!

Swing Transition: Day One

2010-10-01T05:29:00.000-07:00

Because I have spent so much time Googling for stories from other people who have transitioned their babies from a swing to a crib, I figured I would try to blog about our transition.

We started putting Lillian in the swing for naps and at night time when she was about four weeks old. She had colic and acid reflux and was resisting the crib and pack n' play more and more. But that swing would put her right to sleep, and all the books said to do whatever works in the first few months. The swing saved our sanity! However, now the colic is over and her reflux medications seem to be helping, and she is four months old, so it's time she start sleeping in her crib. Plus, as I learned that this is the time when bad habits really start getting ingrained, and because she will stay asleep with the swing off, will fall asleep without movement if she is nursing, and has occasionally fallen asleep in the swing without it moving, I really think we need to jump on this now!

Her pediatrician really stressed this at our four month appointment. She said she would definitely recommend we chose a cry-it-out (CIO) method if it weren't for Lillian's reflux - she is slightly concerned Lillian may swallow a lot of air while crying and that would make her reflux worse, but she was more concerned about Lillian staying in the swing. I was also concerned that Lillian may still be a little too young for CIO because we tried to put her in the crib the other day and she screamed until she was choking :( I have both the Ferber and Weissbluth books, which both say four months is when you can start trying CIO. But, Ferber does say that it may better to wait until five months if the sleep problems are not severe. And, as Lillian only needs to swing to fall asleep, not to stay asleep, I don't think we fall into the "severe" category at this time.

The pediatrician recommended we try the Baby Wisperer method, which is a kind-of a comprimise between CIO and "No-Cry." And I just happen to have the book, so I decided to give it a try. Basically, the plan is to transition her in steps, taking each step about three days at a time, and to comfort Lillian if she starts hysterically crying.

Here are the steps I am considering:

Currently Lillian falls asleep with the swing on and a blowdryer blasting. Last week we, (Greg and I), tried turning the swing off once she was asleep, and it didn't affect her sleep AT ALL. It may have helped her sleep longer, because she had an eight our stretch for the first time the other night! I also developed a naptime routine that consists of going into the room, singing a lullaby (the same one each time), closing the curtains, turning on the fan, and putting her in the swing. When she wakes up, I open the blinds, turn off the fan, sing a different, upbeat song, and pick her up.

Now we are trying to get her to fall asleep in the swing without it moving. If she fusses we ignore her, but if her crying escalates, we go in the room and manually push the swing or pat her. Once she is calm (but not asleep), we walk out of the room and let the swing slowly stop moving.

Once she can fall asleep without the swing moving, we'll move on to the next step. I don't know if we should jump straight to the pack n' play or try putting her in her car seat first (because the positioning is similar to the swing) and put the car seat in the pack n' play.

So, here's how Day One went:

Her first three naps were kind-of failed attempts: Nap 1 - she cried for 30 minutes, then it was time to eat and she fell asleep nursing. Naps 2 & 3 - she cried and I kept pushing the swing to calm her down and she fell asleep when the swing was still slightly moving.

I was down to business for her 4th nap - I pushed the swing to calm her down, but I stopped it, (not abruptly), before she fell asleep. This meant more crying every time the swing stopped. And screaming. There was lots of screaming. So I sat there and patted her, but she didn't seem to give a rat's ass that I was there and she just kept screaming. So I tried leaving the room and she calmed down, fussed a little, calmed down, fussed a little, and then fell asleep. The whole process took 45 minutes. After 20 minutes of sleeping, she woke up crying, so I turned the blow dryer on and she went back to sleep. The exact same thing happened 15 minutes later. And then she slept another 45 minutes before waking up happy.

At bedtime I was prepared to just nurse her to sleep - the pediatrician said to start with naps and worry about bedtime later. But, she was too tired and fussy to really nurse, so I just put her in the swing without it moving, turned on the blow dryer, and walked out of the room. I watched her on the video monitor as she played with her feet, sucked on her hands, tossed her head around, and went to sleep!!! No fussing, no crying, no screaming. I couldn't believe it! I called Greg and he was ecstatic. After each night time nursing session, she fell back to sleep in her swing without movement. And, at her first nap of the day, she looked at her swing mobile, tossed her head around, and went to sleep. Wow! I am so glad we decided to do this now!

Lillian is Four Months Old

2010-09-30T03:01:00.000-07:00

I think I need to accept that I am going to suck a blogging as frequently as I would like. Life has been so busy lately!

Because it's been a while, I figured I'd write my thoughts and comments in a list, so here it is:

-I love Lillian more and more every day, and I can't believe it. She makes me so, so happy.

-Yesterday was her 4 month pediatrician appointment. She cried for about 20 minutes after receiving her vaccines :( She's in the 25 percentile for height and the 45 percentile for weight. She weighs 13 pounds.

-She's already getting close to outgrowing a lot of her 3-6 month clothes! I think she must have gotten my long torso.

-Lillian's fussiness has significantly subsided. I don't know if it's because she's reached the age where colic typically ends, or if it's the new reflux medication, or if it's the probiotic, but, whatever it is, we'll take it!

-Lillian and I went to visit my family in Maine for two weeks. It was so awesome to get away from the Texas heat and see my family and friends. She did great on the planes - people commented on what a good baby she was. She mostly nursed and slept. There was only one episode of screaming that was due to her wanting to nurse and me wanting to wait for take-off so her ears would pop (I could see the hair raising on the backs of peoples necks when that was going on!). The hardest part about traveling was dealing with all the stuff we had, but people were extremely helpful. I think the pilot helped us deboard three of the four legs.

-We are still having sleep problems. Lillian wakes up WAY too early (sometimes before 5:00 AM) and sometimes she wants to nurse every 2-3 hours all night long. She wants to go to bed at 6:30, and keeping her up later has not helped her sleep-in, so I've stopped fighting it. And she's only been napping 30-50 minutes at a time. There was a period there that I was so exhausted by the end of the day that my throat hurt and my whole body ached. She has also seriously been fighting naps. We have to use the swing and blast a blowdryer (for the sound) in order to get her to sleep, and she still fusses for like 10 minutes. Thankfully, the past few days have been much, much better :::knock on wood::: I am amazed that I haven't gotten sick from all of this exhaustion!

-Lillian is super smiley these days! It is so awesome.

-She goes through days of making a favorite new noise. The past two days it has been serious grunting. The other day it was a whispery "key, key, key." Before that it was "Ha Huh Ha Huh." Last week she was moving her tongue all over the place yelling and making "L" sounds. And before that it was a lot of gargling.

-She just starting liking books this week. She now looks at the pages while I read to her.

-She really enjoys picking things up and putting them in her mouth. Her new favorite activity is sitting in her high chair with some ring-type toys on the tray so she can grab them. She also tried to grab my menu at a restaurant the other day - Time to watch out for my glass of wine!

-She just put her foot in her mouth for the first time (before it she could only do it if there was a sock to hold onto).

-She's much better at tummy time and can lift up her head and pick up a toy...but she still only likes it for about two minutes :/

-After trying a Moby wrap, pouch sling, and ring sling, we finally found a carrier Lillian really loves - the Baby Bjorn, facing out. I got one for $20 and she looooves it and kicks her legs like crazy. It is so freaking nice because I can finally wear her around the house for a bit. And it was great for traveling.

-She is so close to rolling over! She gets all the way onto her side and will roll, roll, roll around in a circle, but hasn't made it over yet. Of course, the past few days her interest in rolling has subsided.

-She can now scoot around on her back, which means I had to move the play gym away from the fireplace hearth!

-She loves going out in public and looking around. She was soooo excited to be facing out in the Bjorn at the Atlanta airport! (So many people to watch!)

-She has become a distracted nurser - she is constantly pulling off and looking up at me...which is too cute to be very annoyed about ;)

-I have started the process of getting her out of the swing. The pediatrician said we really need to do it now, and I agree. I spent the last week turning off the swing once she was asleep, and that worked great. Starting today, I am going to start trying to get her to fall asleep in the swing without it moving. :::fingers crossed:::

Sooooo Tired!

2010-09-02T03:42:00.001-07:00

Ugh, this is worse than when Lillian was first born because I have no help! The last week or so she has decided to nurse every 2-3 hours all night long, so I have become more and more exhuasted. And yesterday she wouldn't nap and was fussy all day. I was so tired my eyes were burning and I thought I was going to lose my mind. So, last night I decided to go to bed with her at 8:30...but then she wanted to nurse every hour until 11. And then my post nasal drip kicked in until midnight. And then she was up for the day at 3:00. So I got three hours of sleep. How am I supposed to function like this? I want to cry from exhaustion.

Lillian is 3 Months Old!

2010-08-30T06:26:00.001-07:00

I can't believe we made it to three months already. It really is amazing how much time flies and how much I have fallen in love with this girl. I am looking forward to the next few months SO MUCH! Lily is supposed to be less fussy (according to what everyone says), she can now go to gym daycare (which means I get a break during the day), and it's soon going to be cool enough to go for a walk whenever we want! Plus my favorite pumpkin things will be available ;)

Yesterday we visited the doctor because her spit-up has been very projectile and she is still getting really fussy when she spits up. The doctor switched her from Zantac to Zegerid and said it sounds like she has colic in addition to reflux (because she has been super fussy in the evenings). She recommended we try a probiotic because some studies have shown probiotics help colic. Lillian was also diagnosed with pink eye :P Hopefully the remedies will help her feel better. I am especially intrigued by the probiotics considering I was on antibiotics when she was born, and she was on antibiotics for the first 48 hours of her life.

I do think her fussiness is starting to subside a little. And I've learned some great tips on getting her to go to sleep. When she is fussy, I swaddle her in a Miracle Blanket, put her in the swing, and turn on the blow dryer at full blast (we were using a fan, but apparently that wasn't enough). It almost always works. My hope for the next month is that we can get her out of the swing and into the crib/bassinet, but we'll see what happens. I don't want to force her if she isn't ready.

We have starting taking Lily out more often, which has been great. Last week we went to the outlet mall, and she loved watching the people, (I also had my first 100% nurse in public experience when I nursed her on a bench right in the middle of everything - I did wear a cover). She went out to lunch at a fast-food chicken place, and, again, she had a great time people watching. We've been to the grocery store several times, and she always LOVES this. And we took her to a fancy dinner on Saturday night. This was not the plan - Greg and I had bought a Groupon deal that gave us a five course tasting at 50% off, and our plan was to leave Lily with Greg's mom. But, the deal expired on Saturday and she still wouldn't take a bottle, so we all went together. I am so thankful grandma was there to walk her outside when she was fussy, but, overall it went well (except for the ride home - she screamed for 20 minutes). Here’s a picture of my little sweetheart all dressed up for the evening:

Postpartum Clinic Visit

2010-08-19T17:05:00.000-07:00

Today was my first CF clinic visit since having Lillian. And I got good news - my FEV1 is holding steady at 111%! My last sputum culture still showed normal flora. I still can't believe I cultured PA for seven years and now I have not cultured it for three years. The last time I cultured anything was Staph back in May of 2009.

I hogged a lot of my doctor's time today to discuss a few topics:

The first thing we talked about was the possibility of Lillian having CF. Greg had a genetic test for the 97 most common CF mutations, and it came back negative. However, there are thousands of rare mutations, so there is still a chance Greg could be a carrier, and therefore, there is a chance that Lillian could have CF. Please note that I was aware of all this when we started TTC and I had talked it over with my CF doctor - he said at that time what we had done was enough. However, I wanted to be more informed so I mentioned that I've seen some talk on the CF forums about the need to have genetic sequencing done in order to completely rule out CF. I asked my doctor his opinion on this. Here is what he said:

Texas automatically tests for CF in all newborns by analyzing the blood for a by-product of the pancreas (IRT). Even people who are pancreatic sufficient, (like me), will show abnormal test results. If the levels are abnormal, a sweat test is performed. After that a genetic test is done. So, with Greg passing the 97-panel test and Lillian passing the IRT test, the odds of her having CF are very, very small. Doing full genetic sequencing is unnecessary.

He further noted that the state of California is automatically performing full genetic sequencing on ALL newborns, and they are finding all kinds of new mutations in children that have zero symptoms. There is debate in the CF community if these people really have CF and about "what to do" with these cases.

Please note that I am NOT making any judgments about what other people choose to do regarding genetic testing. I am just sharing the information I received.

The other subject I brought up was a new school of thought I heard about cases like mine: Instead of "mild CF" perhaps I should consider myself having "late onset CF." I mean, I DO have CF - I have sinusitis, I get lung infections, I cough up junk. My lungs are probably getting damaged, just more slowly than the typical CFer. But someday, (without proper treatment and new drugs), my lungs are going to be really bad. I will need to spend time in "Club Med." I may need a lung transplant. Eventually (barring something else) CF will probably kill me. When? I have no idea and neither do my doctors. But I'd like it to be later rather than sooner. Actually, I'd like it to be never because death by CF sucks. I don't even want to be hospitalized all the time in 20 years.

So I told me doctor, "You know, you are so used to looking at really bad x-rays. Sometimes, I feel like, when you look at mine, you think 'she looks great' and send me on my way. But I want to know what is going on. Please tell me if you see mucus plugs, or a small amount of lung damage. It will motivate me to take care of myself." He told me that chest x-rays don't really give much information regarding small airway damage, it just tells him if something major is going on. And he confirmed that people can be experiencing lung damage even when their PFTs are holding steady. So he is sending me to have a chest CT scan done. Based on those results, we will decide if I should add more airway clearance and/or Pulmozyme to my routine.

The last thing we talked about was my GERD. I mentioned that I am sick of waking up and needing my inhaler. So I am going to see a gastro. Hopefully we will be able to get this under control.

So, that's that. Greg stayed home with Lillian so I could go with out having to worry about her fussiness. She did pretty well for him - she slept most of the time, had a happy period, and then she got hungry and refused a bottle, so there was about a half hour of crying until I got home. I really hope she will take a bottle soon because I'd like to be able to go on a date with my husband!

Two Month Pedi Appointment

2010-08-06T11:26:00.000-07:00

Lillian had her two month doctor visit last Friday. I was soooo nervous beforehand because she had to get five shots. The nurse who administered them rocked - she did them so fast that Lillian barely had time to cry before they were finished. She did scream, of course, but she calmed down quicker than I expected, (nursing really helped with that!).

We saw the other pedi at the office this time, and I love, love, love her. She is younger than the man Lillian has been seeing, and not nearly as old-school. She is much more sympathetic to our sleep issues, (Lillian will only sleep in her swing), our tummy time troubles, (tummy time = face plant into the floor and screaming :/ ), and she made me feel so much more reassured about what we are doing. She agrees that two months is too young to cry it out and said we really don't have to worry about transitioning her to her crib until 4-6 months. And she said holding Lillian over our shoulders so that she has to hold her head up = tummy time, which rocks because Lillian loves doing that and looking around. I think I am going to request this doctor from now on.

Lillian is growing well. She is in the 45 percentile for height and weight and the 60 percentile for head circumference, (her daddy has a big head). The doctor said she is very alert for a two month old, and commented on how her smile "took up her whole face."

I asked about the possibility of a milk allergy, and the doctor said that, if she had one, it was most likely mild because she hasn't had significant blood in her poop. She also said the rashes were normal. So, she wanted me to go one more week on the dairy elimination diet, and then gradually add things back in to see if there is any impact. I do think Lillian's diapers look less mucusy after cutting out all dairy, but I am going to try adding some things back in because this diet is so restrictive. I just started eating a few things with dairy in them, (like fake cheese powder and a Lean Cuisine containing whey), and haven't noticed a difference in Lillian yet.

We also walked out with a prescription for Zantac, because Lillian spits up a ton, gets the hiccups all the time, fusses at the breast, and cries when we lay her flat on her back, (except when she is getting her diaper changed - then it is party time). So, far, I have not noticed that this has helped. She has been extremely fussy the past few days and spits up so much. Today she projectile spit up over my shoulder and all over the floor, and was screaming and arching her back, so I went to Walgreens and bought some Mylanta, as the doctor suggested. She just got her first dose, so we'll see if that helps at all.

In other news, Greg and I realized Lillian is not napping well. We figured she would "just fall asleep if she was tired" and have been putting her in the swing in the living room, but she likes to fight sleep to watch the action (by "action", I mean me cleaning :P). There have been days where she hasn't napped AT ALL, and others where she has taken maybe two 30 minute naps. So, since last Thursday, we have kept the swing in our bedroom, (where she sleeps at night), and left the fan running for nap times, and it seems to help. We also put her down as soon as she starts yawning and getting fussy. She'll protest sometimes, but then fall asleep pretty quickly. She has been napping a lot more, and I am learning her schedule - it seems like she can only be awake 1-1/2 to 2 hours between naps.

So, between the napping, the milk allergy, and the reflux, I was hoping we would figure out the reason for her fussiness. But, so far, that has been a big FAIL. She still likes to cry and fuss all the time and I still feel like I can't leave the house. I've also tried two different slings and she will only tolerate one of them for a few minutes. I love her so much and I hate seeing her upset all the time! I really hope this gets better soon!

A Breastfeeding "Yay"

2010-07-27T12:23:00.000-07:00

Last night Lillian had fallen asleep on my chest after nursing when she woke up and wanted to nurse some more. I had already taken off the nipple shield, so I decided to try nursing without putting it back on. And she did it! And we haven't used one since! Wow, that was amazingly easy - I guess I just had to wait until she was ready to ditch it. ::fingers crossed that this continues::

The nipple shield is a PITA because I constantly have to wash and sterilize them, it's a pain to put them on because Lillian often knocks them off with her hands, (and then cries), and it makes nursing in public a more daunting task. Plus I always lose them. So, I am very happy with this progress!

Now we just need to get her to take a bottle again :P We went too long between bottle feedings and now she just screams when Greg tries to give her one. He is going to continue trying when I am out of the house, working out. I've heard this is a common problem that other families have overcome, so I am hopeful that I will be able to leave her for more than a few hours at some point!

That's It, I'm Cutting Out Dairy

2010-07-24T10:27:00.000-07:00

I took the nurse's advice one step further and cut out all milk. Yesterday I didn't even have any yogurt or ice cream, (which I usually have every day). However, my lunch had some cheese on it, I had some sour cream on my fajitas, and I had a cup of hot chocolate. And last night Lillian got a big hive on her forehead and she was screaming. Her poop continues to be mucusy, too. I know it can take up to two weeks for the milk protein to get out of my system, so we may not see immediate results, but I am willing to try it if it might make her feel better. (I am also going to call the doctor on Monday.)

This should help with my weight loss goals too, considering cheese and ice cream are my weaknesses!

Reggae Dancing Baby

2010-07-23T05:28:00.000-07:00

Lillian Has Poop Issues

2010-07-21T10:31:00.000-07:00

Last night I noticed a small amount of red blood in Lillian's diaper. Of course this worried me and sent me off to the baby books and Google. Once I started reading about baby poop issues, I realized that she has also had mucus in her poop for at least a few days, maybe more - I thought it was just sticky looking poop and didn't think much of it. I realized she had several signs of milk allergies: blood and mucus in her poop, rashes (that I thought were just normal, mild baby rashes), and general fussiness.

So, I called her pediatrician this morning, and the nurse told me it could be a milk allergy, or it could be caused by her straining to poop. So I have to put Vaseline on her anus, (ew, I hate that word), at each diaper change to help move things alone, and I have to cut milk out of my diet, (but not all diary, thankfully). So, hopefully that will take care of things.

And, actually, it would be pretty awesome if this was caused by a milk allergy, because it's an easy fix, (I only have milk in my cereal and coffee), and I would be so happy if it reduced her fussiness so it would be easier to take her out in public.

In other news, my pleurisy is pretty much gone, thankfully. And I didn't even have to cut back on my exercise.

Speaking of exercise, holy hell, I am out of shape! I don't think I've ever been this out of shape. Before I was pregnant, a six mile an hour pace was taking it easy. Now that pace kills me and I have to knock it down to five miles an hour just to get through the workout! Oh well, it's kind-of fun to have a challenge and a goal to work towards.

Ugh, I Think I Have Pleurisy

2010-07-17T07:47:00.000-07:00

My upper left back started hurting on Thursday and got worse yesterday. It hurts when I inhale and when I move in certain positions. The last time I felt this way, I had pleurisy. Luckily, at this point I have no other symptoms of a lung infection, so my CF doctor just wants me to take a lot of Advil and call if it gets worse or doesn't get better. I guess I shouldn't complain too much since it's been over a year since I've had any sort of lunsg issue, but I'm still super annoyed because I JUST got the okay to start "real" exercise for the first time since I was 29 weeks pregnant, and I am dying to get back into shape, (and fit into my clothes). I'm still going to hit the gym, but obviously I can't push myself very hard. Hopefully it will clear up quickly!

On My Own

2010-07-13T06:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my first full day taking care of Lillian by myself. It went well, and I am so excited and grateful that this is going to be my new job!

I am, however, very thankful I had help for the first six weeks! Greg took the first week off, my mom and aunt were here the second week, my mother in-law was here for 10 days after that, and then my sister was here for 16 days. The first five weeks were really rough and I don't know how I would have done it without help!

I had my six-week postpartum OB appointment yesterday, and everything checked out fine. I decided to go on the mini-pill because, even though it took four IUIs to get pregnant with Lillian, I REALLY do not want another one right now and am not willing to take the risk!

The OB appointment was also our first excursion out of the house just the two of us. That part did not go so well :/ So far, taking Lillian out has not been easy. We haven't done it much because our pediatrician said to avoid taking her to public places until she is two months old. This is hard because it means I can't run to the grocery store while Greg is at work, but I am also afraid to take her to the grocery store anyway because she gets so fussy!

For example, my sister and I took her to a nursing store last week so I could return the scale and buy some bras. I nursed and burped her before we left. It was a 20 minute drive, and she was fussing by the time we got there. My sister watched her while I tried on bras, and I got about halfway through when she turned to full-on crying and I had to take her to their private room to nurse her. Another example is from this weekend: Greg and I took her to my work so I could clean out my office. Again, I nursed and burped her before we left, and she was screaming by the time we reached my work, (which was a 20 minute drive). I had to nurse her again in the car, and then she was fussy almost the entire time we were at the office, (for about an hour and a half), and I had to nurse her again while we were there.

At the OB's office, I decided I would be prepared and bring a bottle of pumped milk so I could easily feed her at the drop of a hat. It was only a five minute drive, and the appointment was short, so I thought it would be a piece of cake. Nope. She was on the edge the entire time, and started crying the second the doctor came into the room, so a nurse came in and took her out of the room so I could be examined. And then, as I was buckling her back into her car seat, she started screaming hysterically. I was so embarrassed, and now I am wondering how long it is going to be until I feel comfortable taking her out in public! I had a CF clinic appointment this Thursday that I decided to reschedule for next month because Greg can't watch her and I do not feel comfortable taking her to a three hour doctor appointment. I hope her fussiness gets better soon!

Other than that, Lillian is truly a joy and I am having so much fun. She is smiling and cooing a lot, and I swear I’ve heard her laugh a couple of times. Her favorite thing right now is when I read her a book after a diaper change, while she is still on the changing table. She smiles, kicks her legs, coos, and happily yells out the entire time. So.much.fun. I love this girl sooooo much!

And here is my current favorite picture of her, take last week before we went to the nursing store:

Smiles!

2010-07-06T08:20:00.001-07:00

The First Month

2010-07-03T07:08:00.000-07:00

I can't believe Lillian is already a month old! The past month has been an exhausting whirlwind. I had heard many times that the first few months are the most critical time for CF moms, (in terms of how a pregnancy might affect their CF), because they get rundown and miss treatments. I am happy to report that I have not skipped a single treatment, and, although I am rundown, I have not gotten sick yet. I think the fact that I barely leave the house and am not exposed to many germs is helping.

I've been averaging about 5-6 hours of sleep a day, including naps. The longest stretch of sleep I've had is about three hours. So, it's about what I expected and I am managing, but I am also really looking forward to getting more sleep in the future!

I am extremely lucky because I have had family hear to help since Lillian was born. Greg had the first week off work, then my mom and my aunt came for a week. After they left, my in-laws came for 10 days, and now my sister is here for two weeks. So I won't be without help until Lillian is six weeks old. It's been great because people cook us dinner, clean the house, and watch Lillian when I really need to catch a few extra hours of sleep (that last one has been critical!).

And, because I know weight gain is always a concern for people with CF, (as in, many people with CF have trouble gaining weight - although, because I'm pancreatic sufficient, this has not been an issue for me), I figured I'd report that I gained between 40 and 45 pounds during pregnancy and lost 25 to 30 of those during the first two weeks postpartum. So, I still have about 10 to 15 pounds to lose to make it back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I am already feeling anxious to fit back into my pre-pregnancy clothes - all I can wear now are maternity and work-out clothes, but I know it will probably take time. I can't even put my rings on yet!

Lillian is already growing and changing so much. I love watching her grow. She started cooing about a week ago and a half ago and smiling a few days after that! LOVE! Her favorite thing in the world is having her diaper changed. She looooves laying on the changing table and will make happy expressions and grunt and coo and wiggle once her dirty diaper is removed.

Speaking of diapers, we started using cloth diapers at about the two week mark, and I LOVE them! We are using mostly prefolds with covers. It really is super easy, and I feel so good about using them when I see how many diapers we are going through. We also have six extra small Bum Genius all-in-one diapers that are good for middle of the night changes and when we are away from the house.

Here are a few pictures from the past month:

This is How We Feel About Tummy Time :/

Okay, This is Better

First Bath

Sleeping in Mommy's Arms

Our Breastfeeding Story

2010-06-29T17:18:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry it's been so long since I've blogged. So much has happened and I really want to share it all, but things have also been so busy I haven't had time!

Here is a picture I took the other day that shows off Lillian's fabulous hair. It's probably my favorite picture of her so far.

So, now it’s time for me to blog about our breastfeeding saga. I knew in advance that breastfeeding would be hard. However, I didn’t expect it to be this hard.

Now, I knew that things do not always go as planned, but I didn’t expect to have as many obstacles as we did. I expected long nights, latch issues, sore nipples, a sleepy baby, etc. I didn’t expect NICU. I didn’t expect supply issues. I didn’t expect the vacuum extractor.

Things got off to a rough start in the hospital. I had always planned to breastfeed immediately after birth, but that wasn’t an option because Lillian had to be taken to NICU right away. And I wasn’t able to see her for about seven hours because I had problems of my own. Everything I’d experienced during labor and delivery, (getting only six hours sleep and not eating in 48 hours, the fever, the hemorrhaging), left me extremely weak. I could barely sit up in bed without help. And I had to be on two different IV antibiotics, one every six hours and one every eight hours, which really limited my availability to leave my room.

The NICU’s policy was that all babies were fed every three hours, so, by the time I got to see her, she’d already received two bottles. Despite this, when I tried to breastfeed for the first time, she latched right on and I was so moved by the experience that I started to cry. However, the longer she stayed in NICU and continued to receive bottles, the worse things got. Greg and I tried to attend all of her feedings, but that wasn’t always possible because of my antibiotics schedule. And, when we did attend, she often wasn’t hungry. I was sooooo frustrated because everything I had been taught said that newborns don’t eat much those first few days, and they were feeding her up to an ounce at a time. So, when Greg and I showed up, we’d spend over and hour trying to get her to nurse, and she would just sleep. We even asked the nurses to call us if she woke up hungry, which meant sometimes they would do, and sometimes they wouldn’t do, which infuriated us. At one point, it was about two o’clock in the morning and we both broke down in the NICU because she just wouldn’t breastfeed due to getting so many bottles and we felt like people weren’t listening to us.

Some of the NICU nurses just seemed unconcerned with our struggles to breastfeed. I’m sure this was because they were used to dealing with much bigger problems, but it was still extremely frustrating to have our concerns minimized. One told us that we should be grateful we are taking our baby home with us (which we were). Several told us that “there is no such thing as nipple confusion.” Greg wishes he had asked them why the literature the hospital hands out specifically talks about nipple confusion and not introducing a bottle or pacifier during the first two weeks. By the time we got home from the hospital, the only way we could get her to latch on at all was using a nipple shield.

The other extremely frustrating part was that we could not get a lactation consultant to meet with us until our last day there, and she only met with us for about 15 minutes (they were simply understaffed). We met with another LC when we got home, who thought it was so ridiculous that we should send a letter of complaint to the hospital CEO.

Oh, and the other ridiculous part was regarding the antibiotics schedule: As I mentioned, part of the reason I couldn’t always breastfeed Lillian was because I would be due for a dose of antibiotics at the same time she was due for a feeding. (On top of that, it was extremely annoying to have to lug around an IV pole everywhere I went, and it was really hard on Greg that first day when I was too weak to walk to NICU and he had to push me in a wheelchair along with the IV pole.) This went on for about a day and a half. Then, when my OB came to my post pardum room to see how I was doing, she asked why I was still hooked up to an IV. WHAT?????!!!??? It turns out she had ordered ONE MORE DOSE of antibiotics, not for them to be continued for two more days! Somehow the message got lost and I was on them unnecessarily!

The NICU nurses kept telling me that Lillian would breastfeed once my milk came in and she was getting something for her efforts, so I was banking on that. When we got home, I was producing a little more milk and pumping eight times a day, so we were “triple feeding:” First I would try nursing. Then we would give her a bottle of pumped breast milk. When the breast milk was gone, we’d give her formula.

My first goal was to pump enough milk to get her off formula, and I accomplished that in about four days. However, over that time, she was willing to take the breast less and less and it got to the point where she would just scream when I tried to nurse her. I remember trying to nurse her and breaking down in tears. I had trouble sleeping and had a constant knot in my stomach because I was afraid I wasn’t going to be able to breastfeed. And I was sooooo angry at the hospital.

However, I am extremely stubborn and wasn’t going to give up without giving it a really good shot. Greg and I decided to call a lactation consultant, and, oh my God, she was fabulous! Anna came to our house for two hours on a Saturday, (six days after Lillian was born), and we learned soooo much about why we were having such a hard time breastfeeding. Apparently my supply was slow to come in because:

a) I had hemorrhaged during delivery.

b) The medication they administered to stop the hemorrhaging (methergine) lowered my supply.

c) I had extreme swelling due to the normal course of pregnancy and labor plus the added affect of being on an IV for three days (seriously, my feet looked like sausages and I couldn’t even get them into my flip flops). Apparently the water was taking up space in my breasts that milk should have occupied.

And, apparently Lillian was not nursing well because I was trying to use the cradle hold, which involves holding the back of her head, and her head was sore because of the vacuum extractor! (Whhhhy people at the hospital couldn’t have shared this information with us, I have no idea.) So, Anna had me lean backwards so that Lillian could nurse on her tummy, and, OMG, she started nursing instantly!

Anna said my primary goals should be to keep Lillian well-fed and boost my supply. This meant I had to continue pumping 8-10 times a day for 20 minutes each time, which was sooo time consuming and exhausting, especially in the middle of the night! She also wanted me to call my OB on Monday and ask for her thoughts on prescribing me Reglan to boost my supply.

Greg and I spent the next several days thinking all breastfeeding all the time. We had a spreadsheet where we tracked everything. We called it “Captain’s Log.” Before and after each nursing session, we would weigh Lillian on a scale, (rented for $90), so we could record the amount of milk she drank. Then I would pump (with a hospital grade pump we also rented), and we would record the amount of milk I pumped. And, it seemed like half the time she would decide she was still hungry right after I finished pumping, so we’d have to give her if she was still hungry, we would give her a bottle of pumped milk and record the amount she drank.

It was a bit maddening, because I felt defeated each time we had to give Lillian a bottle. I would think she was done nursing and start pumping, and then she would want to eat again and I would stop pumping and nurse some more. This would be extremely frustrating at four o’clock in the morning when I just wanted to sleep! Or, she would want to nurse again right after I finished pumping and my breasts were empty, so we’d have to give her a bottle. I was managing to give her about 60-80 percent of her milk through breastfeeding and the rest was pumped milk. Luckily, I was producing more and more milk each day and actually started to make a small freezer stash.

Lillian wasn’t a big fan of bottles, which helped out with breastfeeding, but it drove Greg crazy because he usually fed her and it would take forever and she would spit up a ton. And we went through so many bottles. At first we were using Avent bottles I bought because they were recommended by Baby Bargains. I had only bought two, so, on the second day back from the hospital, Greg ran to Babies R Us and bought four more. Then the LC said she hated those and recommended Breastflow bottles. So Greg went off to Target to buy three of those. Then Lillian decided she wasn’t a fan of the Breastflow bottles, so we called the LC and she told us to use the nipples that go on the Enfamil containers that Lillian used in the hospital. So Greg went back to Babies R Us to buy more nipples! However, after more patience, Lillian did eventually start to take the Breastflow bottles and we are planning to continue using those when she needs a bottle.

After I started pumping three ounces at a time, the LC gave me permission to cut pumping down to five times a day and go longer between pumping sessions at night. That was a nice little reprieve. But we were still suffering the problem of Lillian not getting enough milk from my breasts because they were never full enough, (she would usually only get ½ to one ounce after nursing for 20 minutes), and it was extremely frustrating. Greg always wanted me to hold off on pumping, but I was afraid of hurting my supply. And I was always a little resistant to giving her a bottle of pumped milk because it felt like a defeat. But then I felt really, really guilty because the doctor said her weight gain was a bit on the slow side.

Greg and I had several late night arguments, I cried several times, and Greg even once said he wanted me to give up on breastfeeding and just use formula because I wasn’t getting any sleep. Even my Aunt, who was staying with us for the week, made a point to sit down with me and tell me it would be okay if I fed Lillian formula. I knew this was true, but I just wanted to breastfeed SO BADLY and I wasn’t ready to give up.

Finally, about two weeks after Lillian was born, the LC said I could try a going a day without pumping. She said that, if Lillian had at least 6 wet diapers, 3 poopy diapers, and 1/2 oz weight gain that I could go another 24 hours without pumping, and, if we met the goal again, I could consider our breastfeeding established. Lillian nursed like a champ during those first 24 hours of no pumping and no bottles. And we've exceeded the goal - at least 8 wet and 6 poopy diapers, and she gained 3 ounces! The LC was so thrilled that she said we didn’t even need to go another 24 hours and that we were officially “graduated.” OMG, I was sooo happy! I am feeling happy as I type this, just thinking about how hard we worked!

I couldn’t believe how much more sleep I was able to get not having to worry about pumping, weighing, or bottle feeding, Lillian was so much less fussy, and I had so much more free time during the day. And we haven’t looked back since! I am still exhausted and feel strapped for free time, but it is so.much.better. I still pump every morning so I can build a freezer stash, (in case I ever need to go on some nasty antibiotic or something), and also so someone can give her a bottle if I decide I want to leave the house for a few hours, (or so I can sleep in a bit).

Now my goal is to wean her from the nipple shield. So far she fusses every time I try to nurse without it, but I am not going to stress over it. If I have to use a nipple shield every time I nurse for the next year, that’s okay. It’s not ideal, but it’s still better than having to use formula or pump all the time.

So that’s our breastfeeding story (so far). It’s been two weeks since we “graduated” and things are still going well, and I am sooo happy that we stuck with it!

Lillian's Birth Story

2010-06-13T16:44:00.000-07:00

This is going to be very long, but I want to write everything down so I don't forget it.

We went into the hospital Friday evening at 5:00 for my induction. Cervidil was in place by 8:00. The placement of the Cervidil was actually a bit painful, mostly because the string attached to it was flat and textured, kind of like sandpaper, and the nurse was super rough with it. Sandpaper to the lady bits = not so fun :/ Other than that, though, I didn't notice any bad side effects from the Cervidil.

I spent the night connected to an IV so they could administer penicillin every four hours - that was needed because I tested positive for Group B Strep. I was also hooked up to blood pressure, fetal heart rate, and contraction monitors.

Having the IV placed, however, hurt like hell! I almost hyperventilated when the nurse put it in. I didn't expect that – I had gotten an IV several other times in my life and didn’t remember it hurting. The nurse didn't even numb my vein and was like, "Yeah, this is the biggest IV needle we use, so it hurts." WTF, thanks for numbing me first.

We didn't get much sleep that first night because the medical equipment was constantly beeping. The blood pressure monitor kept screaming that my blood pressure was too low, (it wasn't), then the battery was running low on the IV pole, and then the contraction monitor ran out of paper. So, I'd say Greg and I got about four hours of sleep. And I even took an Ambien :P

The next morning is when things started to pick up. The Cervidil was removed at 8:00 and I was still only 1 cm dilated. The nurse started the Pictocin around 9:00, and the doctor attempted to break my water around 10:00. Wow, having my water broken sucked! Apparently my cervix was still facing posterior and the doctor had a hard time getting her giant crochet hook in there. She made one attempt and I almost hyperventilated (again) because her fiddling hurt so much. When that didn't work, she said she needed to be more aggressive and told me that it was going to hurt MORE and asked me if I wanted something for the pain. "Um, yes, please." She let me choose between the epidural and Stadol. I chose the Stadol because I wasn't ready to be chained to the bed for the day. HUGE mistake. The pain was still horrible and I flipped out and got really hot and almost passed out, the medicine make me soooo dizzy, and it took everything in my power to keep from vomiting, despite getting IV Zofran. I spent the next hour trying to stop the room from spinning and trying not to vomit while I waited for the Stadol to wear off.

After all that, my OB wasn't sure if she had gotten my water with the hook, because nothing happened, but she wanted to give it some time to see if maybe she snagged it just enough for it to break on it's own.

The next few hours were not bad, although I don't really remember them. My contractions became regular, (three minutes apart and lasting one minute), around 10:00 (the same time my OB tried to break my water). Around 11:30, my water broke while I was in the bathroom. Whooohooo! My contractions steadily picked up from there, but they were very manageable. I thought they were similar to severe AF cramps that wrapped around my back, except I got a break in between them. The breaks are what made them so manageable. I stood up and did gentle side to side lunges during the breaks (I couldn't really walk around because I was attached to too much equipment). And I sat on the bed and did breathing exercises as Greg massaged my back with each contraction, (and I would whisper things like "Sons of Bitches" and "Mother Effer" at the peak of each contraction). One of the nurses even said I was doing so well that I should considering going natural. However, I had no desire to keep that up for hours and hours and hours. I wanted to be able to rest and chill out. So, at around 2:00, I requested the epidural.

It took over an hour for me to actually get the epidural, so I'm glad I asked for it when I did. While I was waiting, I lost my mucus plug, (I always wondered if I would notice it - Um, yeah, there was no denying it). And, at some point, I lost all sense of modesty with my husband and was handing him my used pads to throw in the trash :P - moving around was just not easy with ten thousand cords and IV pole attached to me.

Getting the epidural freaked me out but really didn't hurt too bad. It wasn't as bad as the IV. Still, I am not a fan of people "doing things" to me, especially sticking a needle in my back, so I was holding Greg's hands saying "Sweetie, sweetie, sweetie" over and over again.

I'm so glad I got the epidural. It made me very shaky for a while, and I was bit nauseated, but other than that it was great. I could still move my legs a little bit, but I was able to sleep a bit. And watch TV, talk to my family, read some magazines, and write a lot of this down here :)

Shortly after I got the epidural, I got my sixth dose of IV penicillin for Group B Strep. That medicine burns! And I guess my vein had enough. A few minutes after the nurse started the medicine, my arm started to hurt so badly that I thought I was going to lose my mind. She tried turning down the flow rate and it did nothing. I was laying in bed holding Greg's hand and crying out, "It hurts! I can't take it! It hurts so badly! Oh my God it hurts! What am I going to do????" It was the worst pain I’d ever experienced, including all of labor and delivery. Finally, my OB gave the nurse permission to turn off the medicine and I didn't get it again.

Around this same time, the contractions really picked up - they were really close together and to the point that the baby was showing signs of distress. So, they turned off the Pictocin and had me lay on my side wearing an oxygen mask for an hour. The baby looked much better after that and they started the Pictocin back up again at a lower dosage.

This is where I stopped writing stuff down during labor, so things are much less clear from here. I remember being unable to sleep and watching Star Wars. And I remember starting trembling soooo badly around 1:00 AM on Sunday morning. I had to put my mouth guard in to protect my teeth from all the trembling. I remember getting that undeniable urge to push around 3:00 AM and having to breath through the contractions, and I asked for a booster to my epi because it wasn't time to push yet.

At some point around here I also got a fever of 102 degrees. I think this was the scariest part for Greg, because I was so hot and he was just constantly going back and forth from me to the sink giving me cool washcloths for my face. Then the nurse joined in and was putting washcloths everywhere on me. My doctor got called in and gave me Tylenol suppositories.

My doctor then informed me my fever could potentially be caused by a uterine infection, and, because I had tested positive for Group B Strep, our baby would have to go to NICU to receive antibiotics until the results of a blood culture, (for GBS), came back, which would take 48 hours. I was disappointed by this news, but accepted what was best for our little girl.

Soon after that, it was time to push, and I got a freaking migraine at the same time! I was like, "Are you effing kidding me???" because I didn't want to be disoriented when I met our daughter. I am soooo thankful to our nurse because she got the anesthesiologist, who put something in my epi that stopped the migraine in its tracks.

So, then came the pushing. My contractions were about four minutes apart, and I pushed three times with each one for three hours. It wasn't too bad - I got to relax in between pushes and Greg and I chatted with the doctor and nurses. I did not find it more exhausting than anything else I’d experienced during labor and delivery. Unfortunately, the baby got stuck in the birth canal when she was almost out! We could see her hair, but she just wouldn't come any further, no matter how much I pushed.

The doctor told us that we would have to decide between a c-section and using the vacuum extractor. There were risks to the baby associated with both, and Greg and I were had a hard time deciding which route to choose. So, while we were deciding, I pushed for another half hour. Greg called his brother (a doctor) for advice. My doctor and the nurses left the room for a while so Greg and I could talk it over. We finally decided to go with the vacuum, because the baby was almost out and they would have to pull her back up through the birth canal in order to perform a c-section, which had its own risks, and because, as everyone knows, a c-section is major surgery.

Once we made that decision, the room filled with people. It only took three sets of pushes for the baby to crown, (which hurt, BTW, but it only lasted for a few seconds, so it was not as painful as the penicillin). After that, the doctor told me to keep pushing whether or not I was having a contraction, and she guided the baby the rest of the way out.

During this time, someone asked Greg if he was okay, and he said he was just trying not to cry. I will never forget the look on his face when she was born - he looked at me and there were tears in his eyes. It was the first time I ever saw him cry.

Unfortunately, this is where things started to go not as I planned them. I always wanted skin to skin contact and to breastfeed immediately after birth. Someone asked Greg if he wanted to cut the cord, and I heard the doctor say, "No, I am just going to do it." Lillian was then whisked away to another table in the room while the NICU people took care of her. Once they started cleaning her, she let out a wail and started crying. I started crying at the sound of her voice because I couldn't believe that was my daughter and I was so happy. I told Greg to go over to her, so he did, and then he got to hold her once she was cleaned up and swaddled.

In the meantime, I heard something about me having a lot of bleeding and needing medication to stop the bleeding. At the time I didn't realize this was a big deal, but afterward I learned I was hemorrhaging and the doctors were worried. I also had a 2-1/2 degree tear that needed sewing up. I spent the entire time watching our daughter across the room.

Finally, they let me hold her for a few minutes. She was screaming and I could tell she was hungry, but they wouldn't let me breastfeed her and it broke my heart. She was then taken away to NICU pretty quickly.

I was trying really hard to be okay with all of this NICU stuff, but I lost it when a nurse told me I wouldn't be allowed to see her until she was released from NICU because I had a sinus infection. I sobbed and said how I wanted her to know I was her mother.

After that, I still had to spend quite a bit of time in the labor room while the post-pardum nurse cleaned me up and put me on more IV antibiotics (not penicillin this time, thank goodness!). However, someone disconnected my IV at some point, so the nurse had to flush the port to reconnect it. Well, my vein had enough. It hurt so freaking bad that I yelped and jumped and start bawling. That was definitely part hormones, part exhaustion, and part being sick of being in pain. So they placed a new IV (and numbed my vein this time!).

Then, I thought I was going to pee myself, so the nurse helped me to the bathroom and I couldn't go, which meant I needed a catheter. The epi had worn off by this time, so this meant that it was going to have to be placed without pain medication. And I was very sore and swollen. It hurt so badly that I kept crying out, and it took the nurses three tries to get the freaking thing placed! A few hours later, I started cheering when I was able to pee on my own because I was so afraid they were going have to place a catheter again!

During all this, I remember getting a call from NICU asking me if there was any type of formula we wanted Lillian to have. My heart absolutely sank. This is not what I wanted. I wanted to breastfeed. I hadn't even bothered to read the chapters of formula feeding. I was so taken aback by the whole thing that I just told them it didn’t matter – honestly, I had no idea what kind of formula I would have wanted her to eat.

After my torture was over and the nurses just had to finish cleaning me up, Greg went to NICU to see Lillian. I got transferred to postpartum, and Greg came back glowing and said, "She is awesome!"

During all this, I kept crying over not being able to see Lillian. Then, it turns out there was just a communication issue and I would be able to see her, and nurse her, I just had to wear a surgical mask.

The next 48 hours were some of the most stressful and wonderful of my life. I was so in love with Lillian, and holding her was the most amazing thing I'd ever experienced. However, the fact that she was in NICU and receiving formula meant that breastfeeding did not get off to a good start. I will blog more about our breastfeeding saga in a separate post - I knew it would be hard, but it's been harder than I ever anticipated and is a long story in itself!

Thankfully, Lillian’s blood culture came back negative and we were able to take her home from the hospital with us! As hard as it was to not have her with us during those first two days, I kept reminding myself how lucky we were that we had the healthiest baby in the NICU and got to take our baby home.

And all of the pain of labor and delivery was soooo worth it. It’s so funny, because I’m sure this post seems like a lot of complaints, but I already look back at those 40 hours in the labor room with a lot of fondness. It made me love my husband even more, and seeing him glow over our daughter makes me such a proud wife. And, of course, I already can’t imagine our lives without Lillian. I can’t believe how perfect she is, and how much I know I would do anything for her. I know that we are so lucky and blessed to have her!

Lillian Mabel

2010-06-02T09:45:00.000-07:00

Our sweet baby girl, Lillian Mabel, was born at 8:35 Sunday morning! She weighed 7lbs 12oz and was born after 12 hours of Cervidil, 19 hours of active labor (w/ Pitocin), and 3-1/2 hours of pushing. We named her after two of her great grandmothers.

Greg and I are so incredibly in love with her. Things have been crazy busy, but I am looking forward to writing a birth story soon. There were a few hiccups along the way, but everyone is doing well, and we came home from the hospital yesterday! I can't believe we got to take her home and that she is ours. Here are a few pictures:

41 Weeks - Induction This Weekend!

2010-05-26T15:11:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe I made it to 41 weeks! I spent so much time concerned about delivering early like I’ve heard a lot of CFers do, and now I am staring at my belly chanting, “Get Out!” ;)

But, this little girl is just too comfortable in there. I had another OB appointment yesterday and I was still stuck at 1 cm dilated, so it’s looking like I am going to need an induction L I am scheduled to go in tomorrow evening for Cervidil, and then they will start Pitocin the following morning. Between my lack of progress and the baby's estimated size, I am extremely nervous that I am going to end up with a c-section! I really don't want one because I've heard it's hard to cough after a c-section, and I need to be able to cough and keep my lungs clear! I am trying to concentrate on the positive induction stories I’ve heard, though.

Thankfully, the baby seems to doing well. My OB ran an NST and the results were great. Sitting there listening to her heart beat and her movements made me feel so loving and protective towards her. I can’t imagine what it is going to be like once she is here!

Today I got acupuncture for the first time to see if that would help. I figured it couldn’t hurt and my insurance covered it, so why not give it a try? The baby was moving around like crazy the entire time! I must admit that some of those needles hurt when they first went in, but after that it was very relaxing and I just had to take a nap when I got home.

In other news, the past week was pretty rough. I came down with a killer sinus infection over the weekend - my whole body ached and I was soooo tired and spent five days in a row lying on the couch. I was getting extremely nervous that I wasn’t going to have the energy for L&D! Thankfully, my ENT had written me a refill for my antibiotics (Ceftin) because I get sinus infections several times a year, so I was able to start taking them over the weekend and started feeling better yesterday. I did have a moment of freaking out when I read “Do Not Take While Breastfeeding” on the prescription insert, but my OB and my CF doctor confirmed that it was just a CYA statement and the medication was perfectly safe to take while breastfeeding.

I also got another migraine yesterday! I hadn’t gotten one in 2-1/2 years and then I got two within a week! Craziness. Luckily, this one happened at home and I was able to sleep through it.

So, tomorrow is the big day! I must admit that it is kind of nice to know when we are going to go to the hospital! I am such a planner, so I’ve managed to forget about my disappointment by creating and working through a “to-do” list. Plus, it’s so close now, I can’t NOT be excited (and terrified)! Squeeeeee!

Grumpy

2010-05-23T05:31:00.000-07:00

Me = Grumpy.

The mold count won't give me a break, which means I have been coughing up gunk for about two weeks now. The past few days I've been on the couch because I am so tired and feel like crap. And this morning I woke up unable to breath out of one nostril and feeling like someone had punched me in the face. I am crying uncle and getting my Ceftin refilled as soon as Walgreen's opens! I'm so glad my ENT decided to let me order refills instead of making me call him every time I have a sinus infection.

In pregnancy news, we had an ultrasound on Friday morning and the baby is looks great. Her estimated weight is now 8-1/2 pounds, which makes sense because it was 7-1/2 pounds two weeks ago. This girl is getting pretty darn heavy! I need to put a pillow under my belly when I sleep and I can’t sit with my legs closed anymore. I think it’s time for her to come out ;)

Other than that, I feel like I am back in the 2WW! I'm analyzing every symptom, wondering if it could possibly be a sign of labor. Is that another Braxton Hicks or a real contraction? Is my stomach upset because labor is starting? Was that my water breaking, or did I just pee myself again? ( :/ ) If there was such a thing as labor-prediction pee sticks, I'm sure I would be POAS five times a day. I even have a little bit of that sad, left-out feeling as I see other people having their babies.

Greg is also on labor-watch. He said that every time I make a sound of discomfort, he wonders if I am in labor. Yesterday morning I opened the door to ask him if he wanted some coffee, and he turned to me and said, "Are you in labor??"

My dad is convinced she is waiting for his 60th birthday on the 26th to make an appearance. Greg "has a feeling about Tuesday." And I am wondering if she is waiting for the Lost finale (tonight), because I made a comment a long time ago about how I wanted to baby to wait until after Lost finale so I could watch it :P

At least I know it won’t be more than a week!

40 Weeks & Yesterday's Misadventure

2010-05-20T06:02:00.000-07:00

Wow, the date we've had circled on the calendar for nine months is here! I really can't believe it.

I am feeling better since I posted yesterday - I've basically put myself in the mindset that she isn't coming until next weekend so I won't keep waking up everyday wondering "Is today the day??" and then being disappointed. (But I will still be trying some of those OWTs!).

I did have a bit of a misadventure yesterday afternoon. After my appointment, I went into work and everyone was coming up to me and commenting, "You are still pregnant??" "Still here, huh?" "When are you gonna have that baby?" Considering I was already upset from my appointment, I pretty much lost it and started biting people's head's off. I was one step away from screaming, "Thanks Captain Obvious! I hadn't noticed I was still pregnant!"

Anywho, after I managed to calm down a bit, WAHM! I got hit with migraine. It literally came out of nowhere. And I get aura with migraines, so they really suck. One second I was eating yogurt and working, and the next second I couldn't see my monitor because there was a blank spot in my vision. So, I had to call Greg to have him come pick me up.

While I was waiting for him, I called my OB's office to find out what medicine I could take, (and I had to ask my coworker to tell me their # because I couldn't read my cell phone!), and they told me to go to Walgreens and have my blood pressure checked because visual disturbances could mean pre-eclampsia. Then my coworker had to walk me to my car to wait for Greg.

While we were on the way to Walgreens, the next phased kicked in and I started feeling sick and my hand and face went numb. And, as I mentioned on here before, I am TERRIFIED of throwing up. I took two Zofran, and it was still all I could do to not throw up - the car ride was killing me. By the time we got to Walgreens, the confusion part of the aura had set in and I couldn't remember why we were there and Greg had to talk for me. And, they didn't have a blood pressure monitor. So, instead of going home, we had to go to the doctor and I wanted to cry because I felt so sick and was about to completely freak out. I managed to get through it by reminding myself that I would rather throw up than have something bad happen to the baby.

Everyone at the doctor's office was like "WHOA" when I walked in because I had just been there four hours earlier and was fine, and suddenly I looked like crap. They were even like, "Are you going to throw up???" and then led me to an exam room and had me lay down w/ the lights off while they took my blood pressure. My blood pressure was fine, thankfully, and the baby was kicking a ton, so she was okay, and I finally got to go home and lie down!

Lying down made me feel so much better and the aura wore off after another hour, and then the headache kicked it. Luckily, it was an extremely minor headache and I managed to power through it without taking any medication. And now I am feeling much better!

Fun times!

Le Sigh

2010-05-19T09:45:00.000-07:00

I just got back from my 39w6d OB appointment. I went in very hopeful that I had progressed because I've been having more contractions lately. But noooooo, not a damn thing had changed :P My OB is talking induction now, and I am scheduled to go in next Friday evening for cervical ripening and be induced the following day at 41w2d. So it may be another week and a half until we get to meet our little girl, and my OB seemed to think that it most likely would be the case. I am feeling extremely frustrated right now, but I am also mad at myself for feeling this way because I should just be thankful we are about to have a baby!

In the meantime, I am going to be trying every OWT in the book, (except castor oil).

39 Weeks!

2010-05-13T07:29:00.001-07:00

We made it to our goal! My OB said the baby benefits from staying cozy inside me until 39 weeks, so that was our ultimate goal for this pregnancy. I can't believe it's here. I am soooo ready to have an outside baby now, but Greg wants her to stay in until at least Sunday evening so he can catch up on sleep this weekend ;)

I only had very slight progress at my OB appointment yesterday. I was still 50% effaced and at station -2, but I was slightly more dilated, however, not enough to call it 2 cm. My OB could see the disappointment on my face and reminded me that progress would just be "icing on the cake," but lack of progress doesn't mean that I'm not going into labor anytime soon.

In CF-related news, the mold count has skyrocketed here in Austin, which means I've been feeling like crap! I've been exhausted, achy, coughing up green phlegm, needing my albuterol more often, and I can only breathe out of one nostril most of the time. Yuck. I really don't want to get sick right when the baby comes! So, I called in sick today and slept 11 hours last night. Ahhhhh....

38 Week Appointments (And More Pictures)

2010-05-08T15:20:00.000-07:00

I saw my regular and high risk OBs this week. Everything is still going well. I gained a ton of weight last week, 4lbs, (not sure what is up with that), so my total weight gain is now over 40 lbs :/ I hope it's a lot of water! My cervix made no further progress, which I was a little bummed about, but I keep reminding myself it doesn't mean much as far as when I will go into labor. As of three days ago, I was 1 cm dilated, 50% effaced, and the baby was at station -2. I am getting anxious for the big day to be here, although I know it's good for her to stay put for one more week. Baby Girl's estimated weight is now 7lbs 7oz. Here are pictures from what was most likely our final ultrasound:

And here are a few belly shots:

Full Term! YAHOOO!!

2010-04-29T03:37:00.000-07:00

WOW! I seriously cannot believe I am full term. I felt like a kid on Christmas Eve last night - I kept dreaming about being full-term, and I woke up at 4:00 and could not fall back to sleep because I was excited. It hasn't settled-in that this baby could come so soon - I am not ready to leave work, the house is a mess, the nursery isn't done, the car seat isn't installed...ack!

The sucky part is that Greg has been swamped at work lately, (he's already put in 40 hours this week), which means he has been so stressed that he hasn't been sleeping well and has no time to help get ready for the baby, and he's been a bit grouchy. Not exactly how I wanted to spend our last few weeks alone :( He keeps saying that he can't wait until the baby gets here so he can have a vacation from work!

I had an OB appointment yesterday, and I have started to dilate (woot!) - I was at 1 cm. And, I didn't gain any weight this week (double woot!). I did test positive for group B strep, which means antibiotics during labor, but it shouldn't be a big deal. The swelling has started to affect my hands - my knuckles are sore and I get some tingling in them - but my blood pressure is still good.

That's all I have for now. I'm hoping I can get to work early so I can leave early and take a nap!

Good News Thursday!

2010-04-22T18:46:00.000-07:00

Several things:

(TMI warning) I had a pre-natal appointment with a lactation consultant. I made the appointment after I learned about the "pinch test" in our breastfeeding class a few weeks ago. The instructor said that, even if your nipples look normal, they may be flat or inverted and it could cause problems with nursing, and a simple the pinch test can reveal this. I thought things looked questionable when I tried the test on myself, and today the lactation consultant confirmed that I have slightly inverted nipples and said it could create problems when my milk comes in. Luckily, there is something I can do about it - I have to wear these shells "a few hours a day" until the baby is born, (although, when I asked what she meant by "a few hours", she said 5-6 hours :/), and they only cost $13. The prenatal visit did cost another $45 on top of that, but I think it is worth eliminating this potential headache.

I had my 36 week OB appointment, which included another internal exam. My cervix is still closed, which I know doesn't mean much right now. The exciting news is that, when I talked to her about being induced earlier than normal because of my CF, she spoke with my high risk OB and got the okay to let me go as long as a "normal person" because last week's PFTs were so great! WHOOHOOO!

I told my manager that I wasn't planning to come back to work after the baby is born. This was important to me because I didn't want to hold the position and office space and put strain on my employer for no reason. And I told him exactly that. My manager thanked me for thinking of them and said they were ready to take on my workload and that they will be fine. He also said he really wants me to take my maternity leave because I've "earned it" and he thinks I should wait until I actually have a baby to make a final decision. He even briefly mentioned the possibility of working part-time. I am still in shock!

I never mentioned that I got summoned to jury duty a few weeks ago. First time ever. I was like, "Are you freaking kidding me?" and I reeaaalllly did not want to go because I need to get stuff done at work, but I didn't feel justified in getting a doctor's note if it there was a chance it might only be for an afternoon. Anywho, I got an email today that my trial was canceled and that my jury duty is now complete. Woot!

OUCH!

2010-04-20T05:45:00.000-07:00

Holy freaking leg cramp! I woke up this morning with the worst leg cramp ever! It was so strong that I couldn't flex my foot at all, and I was withering in pain and yelling for Greg, (I wanted him to flex my foot for me). Of course, he was in the shower on the other side of the house, so he didn't hear me. I managed to twist my body so I could press my foot against the wall and it eventually went away, although my leg is still a little tender.

So this is what they were talking about in our childbirth class :P

35w0d Clinic Visit

2010-04-15T17:24:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday's clinic visit went well. My FEVs have not changed, and my weight gain is more than enough - I don't think I need to gain anymore! My last sputum culture showed normal flora again, which I always like to hear.

Here are my stats at 35 weeks:

Weight gain: 35 pounds
FEV1: 115% (Up 5% from last visit and 3% from pre-pregnancy)

I also had my work shower on Thursday. Everyone in my office was super sweet! They made a ton of good food, decorated the conference room, and people wrote really sweet words of wisdom and hung them on a tree. We got a swing (awesome!) and some essential items like diapers and baby wash and clothes.

Now we really are in the home stretch! There is still so much to do before Baby Girl arrives. I know the world will not end if we do not get it all done, but I am anal like that and really want to have her nursery all set up, errands out of the way, thank you notes complete, and the house clean. I also have a ton of stuff to do at work before I leave, and I really don't think I am going to get it all done, which sucks because I know people are counting on me. Things are taking me longer than I anticipated (not because of pregnancy), and I have had less time to work because I'm so tired and have so many doctor's appointments. It also doesn't help that I got summoned to jury duty for next week :P I just keep telling myself, "Oh well, I am doing what I can," so I don't stress out about it.

And, to end this post, here is a picture from my work shower:

35/35!

2010-04-15T05:52:00.000-07:00

I can't believe I am 35 weeks! I'm getting excited for the big day :D

Today I have my work shower and a CF clinic visit, so I will write more later.

My Dogs are Barking

2010-04-12T06:30:00.000-07:00

My feet are KILLING ME! This is one pregnancy side effect I was completely unaware of. The simple act of running errands on the weekends leaves me feeling like I just ran five miles. Last night they were so sore I kept taking breaks from housework and they still felt really tender when I got up this morning. Even my knees are sore. I guess I'm lucky to have a desk job!

Speaking of running, I never mentioned that, after the pre-term labor scare at 29 weeks, my OB said I should cut back on the cardio because I was having contractions at the end of my workouts. So, now I am down to walking and my prenatal video. I try to walk for 30 minutes to an hour 2-3 times a week, and I do the video twice a week. This doesn't sound like much to me, but I don't have that "jelly ass" feeling I usually get when I don't workout, so I guess it's doing something to keep me in some-sort of shape. Perhaps carrying around an extra 30 pounds is a workout in itself? It will be interesting to see how difficult it will be to run a mile in a few months!

Other than sore feet, the other pregnancy symptom I've been really battling is insomnia. At least one out of every two nights, I wake up at about 5:30 AM and am unable to go back to sleep. Considering I go to bed at 10:00 and wake up twice to pee before I wake up a third time at 5:30, I’m not getting enough sleep. I called in sick last Wednesday because I felt like a walking zombie. Thankfully, I slept well the last two nights and feel so.much.better.

The only other pregnancy symptoms I’ve been experiencing is a raging appetite, the continuation of heartburn (I just opened fourth Costco bottle of Tums since being pregnant), and water retention, (I took off my rings at 30 weeks, and I have the worst sock marks on my legs at the end of the day. Even my watch leaves a mark!). People have started asking me if I am "just ready to have this baby" and I am happy to say that, although I can't wait to meet her, I am perfectly okay with dealing with these pregnancy woes for a bit longer – as much as I just complained, it hasn't gotten that bad, yet. But I may have a different response in a few weeks!

34w0d High Risk and Regular OB Appointments

2010-04-08T09:39:00.000-07:00

I had both a high risk and regular OB visit today. Everything is still looking great. Baby Girl was still measuring right at average (53 percentile) and her weight estimate was 5lbs 6oz. (BTW, my OB said these estimates can be off by as much as 20% and get less accurate as you get further along, but the fact that we have consistently been in the 50% percentile gives them a good idea that we will be having an average-sized baby.) My weight and blood pressure look good. And, as of today, my OB will not stop things if I go into labor. Yikes!

It was a super fun u/s. Baby Girl had the hiccups and was kicking her feet a ton (the u/s tech said it looked liked she was dancing), and she even got mad and started flailing her fists when the u/s tech was poking her. The funniest part was when she kept trying to put her hand in her mouth - she would raise her hand up to her mouth and try to reach it with her tongue, which meant she kept sticking in tongue waaaaaay out, past her chin. The u/s tech and I were cracking up and decided she may be a contender to be next member of Kiss. The u/s tech also pointed out that she has a lot of hair.

We finally got some great 3D ultrasound pictures too! The past three visits she has had something in front of her face (her hands, the umbilical cord, or she has squished her face into the placenta), but today she wasn't shy.

Sticking Out Her Tongue

3D Image of the Tongue

I know a lot of people think 3D u/s pictures are creepy, but I just can't get over how cute she is :D

33 Week Bump

2010-04-01T06:11:00.000-07:00

Here's what 30 pounds of baby weight looks like on me:

Nursery Work in Progress

2010-03-29T05:37:00.000-07:00

We finished buying furniture for the nursery this weekend AND I got Greg to get the rest of his stuff out of the closet. He even installed some closet shelves for all the baby stuff. Phew! I feel a sense of relief now that I have a place to put everything. Here are a few pictures of the room. We just need to add decorations and find a place for the high chair.

I splurged on a few decor items from Etsy that I can't wait to get in the mail, and my mother-in-law is sending us some really nice curtains. And now I am anxious to complete a few crafty projects so we can complete the nursery!

32 Weeks and Shower Recap

2010-03-26T05:23:00.000-07:00

I am so excited to be 32 weeks! Of course, I want this little girl to stay inside me for a while longer, but just knowing that she would have a great chance of survival if she were born now makes me so happy. My next goal is 34 weeks because that is the date my OB said they will not stop things if I go into labor. That is so close! Yikes! We still have a ton of stuff to do!

Two weekends ago, my family threw me an awesome baby shower. My first shower, which I never got around to blogging about, was here in Austin and was thrown for both Greg and I and our friends who are due a week after us. It was coed and was more of a social gathering than a baby shower, but it was really fun. We spent the afternoon chatting with lots of friends we hadn’t seen in ages and eating really good food. We got lots of clothes, some books, bottles, a mobile, and a few bedding items.

My shower in Rhode Island was thrown by my family, and they were sooooo excited about it! This was pretty much the first baby shower my mom’s side of the family has gotten to plan, so my mom, her two sisters, and my grandmother went nuts planning for months. The shower was held in a bar/lounge, which was nicer than it may sound – there were lots of plush chairs and leather couches for people to sit on and a fireplace. There were lots of yummy appetizers and we were served turkey, scrod, and chicken parmesan for lunch. And my family decorated the place all girly.
I also spent a few days in Maine and my high school friends also threw me a little shower at one of their homes.

Baby Girl got soooooooo many clothes! Seriously, I haven't bought her a single onesie, and I counted 52 the other day! She also got a bunch of those toys you hang from the carseat, cloth diaper covers, and a kick-ass high chair.

Here is a picture of me with my tiara and ridiculous baby pin:

Now I am obsessing over getting the nursery done and getting everything finalized. I still have one more shower in a few weeks, and I am itching for it to be here so I can complete our registry.

In other news, things are going well. The Braxton Hicks contractions have continued, but I've gotten good at not letting them freak me out. I had my 32 week OB appointment today, and everything looked good!

30w0d High Risk Appointment

2010-03-11T13:19:00.000-08:00

I feel much better now. The visit with the high risk OB went well. Our little girl weighs 3lbs 6oz, which puts her in the 53 percentile. I told the doctor about the contractions, and she agreed with everything my regular OB had said. It was nice for the extra reassurance.

After that appointment, I headed downstairs to see my regular OB. She said she was glad I came in after having 14 contractions in two hours this morning. My cervix still look great. And now I am relaxing - I am done writing down the time of every contraction and will just make a note of it if they become more frequent or intense than what is normal for me.

I did freak out a little when I got home because I had a bunch of bleeding and passed a clot. I called my OB's office right away, and they said it was caused by the exam. And, 6 hours later, there is been no further bleeding.

So, tomorrow I am off to New England for my shower! I am so excited!

I Hate This

2010-03-11T05:48:00.000-08:00

I'm still having contractions. They are probably just your normal Braxton Hicks, but I wish I wasn't having so many of them. For the past two days, I have had about 20 each day (not counting the ones I may have while sleeping), sometimes as many as four an hour. I saw my OB on Tuesday, (the day after I was in L&D), and she was not super concerned. My cervix still looked great - zero dilation or effacement. My OB said she doesn't think the BV is causing the contractions, but she doesn't know what is causing them. However, the fact that my fetal fibronectin came back negative means there is a less than 1% chance I will deliver in the next two weeks, so she feels good about that.

She said we needed to learn what is "normal" for me as far as frequency of contractions is concerned. But, she still wants me to call if I have more than 6 in an hour for two hours in a row. She also I could keep up w/ my normal activities for now, except for the elliptical.

However, I woke up this morning at 5:30 because the baby was going nuts, and I noticed more contractions. I started keeping track of them, and I've had 14 in the past two hours. I am sooooo glad I happen to have an appointment with the high risk OB this morning.

Here are a few more notes about my OB appointment:

I also felt a little vindicated about the fact that I did not know they were contractions until I went into L&D on Monday - I didn't think they were because they are so mild and because my entire stomach wasn't getting hard. I had two while at the doctor yesterday, and she felt them and was like, "It's mostly just on one side. That is weird!" So, at least I know I'm not crazy :P

My OB thinks that my high risk doc mostly likely wants to induce if I go past my due date is because the placenta starts breaking down at that point, which means it will transfer oxygen less efficiently, and she probably doesn't feel comfortable with that considering I have a lung disease.

The doctors at my OB's office rarely perform episiotomies (:::fist pump:::).

My OB said she usually doesn't stop labor after 34 weeks. She said the risks associated with the drugs used to stop labor outweigh the risk associated with birth at this point. I trust her, but this information has me a little more nervous about the contractions, because I want to carry my baby to full term!

Since I started writing this blog post, I have not had a single contraction - it's been 20 minutes since my last one, so it looks like they are slowing down. Ahhhh...that makes me feel so much better. Still, I am glad I have the OB appointment today, because I need all the reassurance I can get!

My Trip to Labor and Delivery

2010-03-08T19:37:00.000-08:00

Today I made my first trip to L&D. It was completely unexpected, but I am soooo glad I went!

I had been having what felt like mild AF cramps on and off for most of my pregnancy, and I always assumed they were caused by my uterus stretching. Usually, they only last for a few minutes and then go away. But, today they were more persistent. I started noticing them after lunch, and spent most of the afternoon hemming and hawing about calling the doctor. I figured it was nothing, but it was still freaking me about enough that I really wanted it to stop. I finally decided just to call for piece of mind when I was leaving work. I felt silly when I was dialing the phone and figured they would say, "Yes, that is normal," and I would head to the gym. Much to my surprise, the nurse actually said, "Um, NO, that is not normal," and she sent me to labor and delivery.

I got to L&D and found out the sensations that I thought, (for over a month), were the baby pushing out against my belly were actually contractions, and I was having them 1-2 minutes apart! That freaked me out!

Luckily, my cervix was closed and I tested negative for some protein that, if present, would have meant I would likely go into labor in the next few weeks. And the contractions slowed down after a few hours. I did, however, test positive for BV, and they said that's what was causing the contractions. So, now I am on Flagyl.

Holy cow, I am glad I decided to call the doctor!

27 Weeks & High Risk OB Appointment

2010-02-18T06:42:00.000-08:00

Wow! I can't believe I am already in the third trimester. I am still in disbelief that this is my life and I am actually going to be able to live my dream of being a SAHM very soon.

I had another appointment with the high risk OB this week. The baby looked great and weighed 2lbs 3oz, which put her in the 53 percentile. She had her hand in front of her face (again), so we didn't get any pictures. Hopefully she won't be so camera shy at her next appointment!

The OB did mention one this that surprised me - she is going to recommend that my regular OB not let me go more than a few days past my due date. I am kicking myself for not asking her the obvious question - why? I'm sure it has to do with stress to my body and the baby squishing my lungs, but I'd prefer induction to be more of a game-time decision - why induce if I am doing well? I need to talk to her about this more at my next appointment! My main issue with being induced is that I've heard pitocin sucks :P

I also had my third and final glucose tolerance test yesterday. It was a 2-hour fasting test, just like the previous two times. This time was definitely the least enjoyable - I was soooo tired and starving when I woke up, and I wasn't allowed to eat anything or have my daily cup of coffee until four hours later, so I felt like complete shit by the time the test was done. And they gave me fruit punch flavored glucose this time, which made me want to barf :x I'm so glad I don't have to do that again! ::fingers crossed that I can keep eating my girl scout cookies::

And...I Just Peed My Pants

2010-02-11T19:03:00.000-08:00

Being 6 Months PG + Eating Four Popsicles + Drinking a Bunch of Water + Standing Up After Watching a Movie + Sneezing = Penny Pee Pants

Let me tell you, Greg got a kick out of that! Thank God I was at home!

99 days!

2010-02-10T18:32:00.001-08:00

I have to give a shout-out to another milestone: 99 more days to go - we are in double digits now!

I talked to HR today, and they are going to ask my division manager to remind all of the supervisors that sharing personal medical information is unacceptable. I'm happy with their plan because my main goal was to prevent my boss from doing that again. And he'll probably have a guess that I filed a complaint.

In other news, I have a head cold. Fun times. Hopefully it doesn't get too bad or lead to an exacerbation. I've noticed that, since starting hypertonic saline, my colds don't turn into lung exacerbations nearly as often as they used to.

And, in more fun news, here is a bare-belly shot:

You've Got to Be Kidding Me

2010-02-09T17:58:00.000-08:00

Today a coworker told me something that is made my blood boil: Apparently, last week, when I was out sick, my boss told everyone at our team meeting that, "Kristen is out today because she has a lung disease." Seriously???

It looks like I am going to be talking to my HR representative tomorrow.

25w4d OB Appointment & More Work Stuff

2010-02-09T06:43:00.000-08:00

I had my monthly OB appointment yesterday. It was uneventful, which is the way I like it. They measured the size of my uterus for the first time, and I am measuring right on track at 25 weeks.

I did talk to them about my work situation for a bit - yesterday, when I told my boss I had to leave early for a doctor appointment, he again asked for a write-up of what is going on. Grrrr. I had to remind him that I wasn't going to be doing that and he could expect something from HR once I get a chance to talk to the social worker at CF clinic, (she was out last week and hasn't called me back yet).

The people at the OB's office were so cool about everything. They totally understood why I felt the need to cut back on hours and offered to provide any information my work may need. I just love getting the extra vindication that I am not being a slacker!

My boss is also frustrating me because he has done NOTHING to offer to lighten my workload in light of my hours being cut back. We had a meeting yesterday, and I brought up (again) the fact that I am managing a $5 million project and we need to transition it over to someone to work on "while I am out." I haven't told him yet that I am not coming back, because I don't think I would be treated well, but I am trying to do what I can to make the transition as smooth as possible. So, I told him that I know a lot of women who are able to come into work one day and are put on bed rest the next day, so there's always a chance I may not be able to work up to my delivery date. His response, "Well, we'll start transitioning someone over a few weeks before your due date." WTF?? I told him, "Ooookaayy...but I know some people who have had to go on bed rest at my stage in the pregnancy." I didn't get much of a response.

Ugh. The primary reason this is a big deal to me is not because I am concerned about what my boss thinks of me. It's both because I don't want to leave them high and dry, and I want to keep my reputation with my clients. I am afraid that, if things aren't going well after I am gone, they will be blamed on me (easy scapegoat = girl who isn't around anymore). I really want to keep my good reputation with the client because I may, in the future, be able to get a part-time job working for them. I've already had someone mention the possibility of working 10-hours a week from home. That would awesome!

So, in light of all this, I think I am going to talk to someone I am close to who works for the client (and sometimes is the client). By close, I mean she is the only person at work who knew about my first pregnancy, and I told her about this one right away. Hopefully she can give me some advice on how to make sure my reputation isn't trashed when I leave.

Oh, and one other thing - I had the creepiest baby-related dream last night! I dreamed I was in college and sitting in math class, and my ex boyfriend was there (random), and the baby was kicking like mad. Suddenly, she started pushing her hand outward, so that you could see it was a hand from outside my belly. At first I thought it was so cool and cute and told the people around me, "Look!" But, then she kept pushing, and my skin started stretching around her bony fingers and you could see every single finger as though my skin were just flesh-colored plastic wrap. And then her arm started coming out, and you could see her arm bones in great detail. And she kept coming, and I knew her face was coming next...and then I woke up. SCARY!

Cutting Back at Work

2010-02-04T10:37:00.000-08:00

I need to use my lunch break to blog about work.

For the past few weeks, my work schedule has REALLY gotten to me. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, working full-time and taking care of myself leaves me with very little free time. And being pregnant has made this worse. No big surprise. But, the past few weeks have been downright awful. Work has gotten extremely stressful, thanks to management totally overloading me. I have a Type A personality and like to do everything well. So, I’m not good at handling things when I am trying to cram 50-60 hours of work into 40 hours and can’t produce work up to my standards. People have been constantly calling me, stopping by my office, and emailing me asking for stuff. And they are getting annoyed with me.

To make matters worse, my sweet little babe has been keeping me up at night, so I have been exhausted. I try to go to bed around 9:30 and sleep until 7:00, but that’s still not enough time. But, with my current schedule, there’s no way I can go to bed earlier and still get in my workouts and breathing treatments. This means I have been exhausted and even less able to deal with the stress.

Last week things hit rock bottom and I ended up sobbing at work. If you really want to hear more about my craptastic week, I vented about to my Maine Nesties in these threads:

http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/30211476.aspx

http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/30265956.aspx

http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/30414349.aspx

And, as I usually do when I get rundown and stressed-out, I got a little sick. Over the weekend my lymph nodes started hurting and my cough increased, meant a mild lung exacerbation.

Therefore, Greg finally convinced me that I needed to cut back my hours at work. I was (and still am) feeling extremely guilty about it, but, I asked the women on the CF forums for advice, and they all agreed it was the right thing to do. It was such a relief to learn that I am not asking for too much!

Luckily, I’m already approved for intermittent FMLA for my CF, so it should have been a simple conversation with my boss, right?

Of course, it hasn’t been quite that easy. My boss is not exactly the compassionate type - he comes from a company where, during job interviews, they have been known to tell people they expect work to come before family. So, when I explained things to him, he didn’t say, “Do what you need to do to take care of yourself.” Or, “Your health comes first.” Or even, “We’ll see what we can do to reduce your workload.” He just looked at me and asked me to provide him an explanation in writing. Ummm…excuse me? You want me to provide you with a write-up about my health condition? I.don’t.think.so. I don’t mind talking to him about my CF, but I am not a big fan of providing that in writing. At all. So, I told him, “I am not comfortable with that. I am going to talk to HR.”

HR suggested I have my doctor send them a note explaining things, and then they will send my boss something in writing that excludes info about my CF. The woman at CF clinic that I need to talk to is out this week, so hopefully I will be able to get this all taken care of next week. In the meantime, I told my boss that he can expect to see me between the hours of 10 and 4 and I will work more than that if I feel up to it. He still hasn’t offered any help, of course, so I think this is going to be a work in progress!

I think part of the reason I hate doing this is because, at my last job, someone overheard a manager say that I am not a reliable engineer because I have cystic fibrosis. That was the first time in my life I had heard of someone saying something like that about me. I guess if you consider me taking 10-15 sick days a year and busting my ass to make-up work when I am out as unreliable, then, yeah, I am. Otherwise, Fuck You :P

And now I don’t trust anyone in the working world. I have always been so open about my CF, and now I am afraid to say anything and feel like people are thinking less of me when I have to sacrifice work for my health. And I feel like they don’t believe me, (you can’t work because you have to go to the gym???), because I AM so healthy most of the time and many people are ignorant.

ANYWAY, so today there was a great article on the front page of the Austin American Statesman. The title was Running for His Life, and it’s about a boy with CF who has become an extremely successful runner, and how that has helped his CF. I think my favorite quotes are:

"His parents, Laura and Jimmy, started Brice in running when he was a younger boy with too much mucus in his lungs. Their story included the strong belief that Brice would be better prepared to manage the genetic disease if he were in top physical shape."

"When Brice was diagnosed at the age of 9, his parents reasoned that scaling the bleachers and running around the track at Connally High School would make Brice stronger."

"He soon will be individually responsible for taking his medicines, wearing the vibrating chest that loosens his lungs and going to the hospital, if he needs to, when he needs to. Because he has to."

The article is currently sitting in our breakroom right now. I think I may show it to my boss (See! I’m not making things up!).

And now, back to work!

Nursery Work in Progress

2010-02-01T18:03:00.000-08:00

This month Greg and I finally stared working on the nursery. Here are some pictures of the progress so far.

Before: Greg's Place to Throw His Crap

The Bed is Gone and the Walls are Painted

We Have a Crib! The Chair Rail is Also Installed

The Dresser is Almost Put Together

Baby Girl's Loot so Far (Yes, Those are Cloth Diapers)

And here is a 24w2d bump picture:

V-Day!!!

2010-01-28T07:06:00.000-08:00

Today is Viability Day!! Woot! Of course, I want her to stay put for a good while longer, but I am sooo happy to have made it to 24 weeks and know that she would now have a chance if she were born early :D

Breathing Exercises

2010-01-26T10:27:00.000-08:00

One thing I forgot to mention about last week's appointment was some advice the respiratory thearapist gave me. She said that, because the baby is going to start squishing my lungs, I should start doing exercises to fill all those little alveoli with air. This will help prevent mucus from just hanging out and causing infections in my lungs. Specifically, she mentioned stretching so that my shoulders are rolled back and my chest is stuck out, (imagine trying to stretch out your rib cage as much as possible), and taking deep, long, breaths.

The exercises make me cough, which I assume means they are helping, (my CF doctor once told me that I cough when I take a deep breath because I am making mucus move around).

Anyway, I just wanted to pass along this info!

23w0d Clinic Visit

2010-01-22T04:02:00.000-08:00

I had a CF clinic visit yesterday, and it went very well! I thought the CF team was going to throw a party over how much weight I've gained - 21 pounds at 23 weeks! I'm not so sure I'm as excited about that as they are, simply because the vain part of me is worried about gaining too much weight and then having a hard time losing it after the baby comes. But, it's not like I am pigging out on burgers and french fries. I really am just trying to listen to my body and eat when I am hungry - which is all.time.time! Especially on the days after I workout. So, hopefully my body just needs to gain a little more weight than the normal 25-35 pounds. Plus, I am trying to concentrate on being thankful that I'm not having a problem gaining weight!

My lung function looks great, and my last sputum culture showed only normal flora (whooohoo!). My CF doctor said he doesn't need to see me again until my regularly scheduled clinic visit, (which will be at 35 weeks), because he doesn't anticipate pregnancy having an affect on me. He did say that he would like me to call when I deliver so that he can come see me in the hospital.

It was a really fun appointment. Everyone kept telling me, "You look so cute!!" and, when I told the social worker that it was a girl, she went into the hall and told everyone ;)

On a non-PG note, I also asked my doctor for his thoughts on n-acetylcysteine (NAC) because I have been hearing so much about on the CF forums. He told me some stuff I already knew - that it was available in oral and inhaled formulations, and that studies have shown the inhaled version (Mucomyst) to be ineffective, but that the jury was still out on whether the oral version was helpful. I told him how everyone on the forums seems to rave about it, and he noted that, "30% of people will tell you that a sugar pill really helped them." But, he had no problem with me giving the oral version (fizzy NAC) a try when I'm not pregnant or breastfeeding.

Some stats at 23 weeks:

Weight gain: 21 pounds
FEV1: 110% (down 5% from last visit and 2% from pre-pregnancy)

EDD

2010-01-21T17:59:00.000-08:00

I feel I need to acknowledge that today was the estimated date of delivery of our first pregnancy. Today was not a bad day, although I think this is 100% attributed to our current pregnancy. We only thought we were pregnant for a week, but the miscarriage was a very hard thing to go through. It was also a huge learning experience, and it brought Greg and I closer to each other. We are so, so grateful for this baby. We know that we can't take anything for granted. And we know that we are very lucky.

22w4d High Risk OB Appointment

2010-01-19T18:56:00.000-08:00

I made my second visit to the high risk OB yesterday. I love that we get to see the baby once a month! Everything looked good! She weighed 1lb 3 oz, which put her in the 47th percentile. The only thing the doctor noted was that my amniotic fluid was just outside of the normal range - she said normal is 5 to 20 (I can't remember the units) and I was a 21. Apparently too much amniotic fluid can be a sign of gestational diabetes, but she wasn't too concerned considering how close I was to normal. Plus, I am going to have another glucose tolerance test in a few weeks.

This ultrasound was very quick, and we didn't get any good pictures of the baby because she had her hands in front of her face the entire time.

I have a CF clinic visit on Thursday. I am very curious to see if my PFTs have changed. I definitely get short of breath more easily when I do things like exercise and climb stairs. But I still feel really good, lung-wise.

Sleep-wise is a whole other story. I need to set aside 9-1/2 hours for sleeping if I want to feel rested the next day, thanks to my aching hips, having to pee, and the kicking baby. And this can be hard to do when I am working full-time, trying to get in my exercise, and doing my treatments. I asked my OB if she thought "sleeping in so I don't get sick" was a justifiable reason for occasionally taking a few hours of FMLA. She said, "Absolutely!" Woot!

(BTW - RE: aching hips, using the memory foam topper and doing things like butterfly stretches and plie squats has been helping.)

Back from the Doctor and New Undies

2010-01-11T14:36:00.000-08:00

Sinus infection confirmed. Ten days of Ceftin (500 mg, twice a day). The doctor also wrote me a prescription for a refill so I don't have to go see him next time I feel like this.

In pregnancy news, I finally caved and bought larger undies this weekend because my new hips were pulling my undies so tight that my thong was digging into my tailbone and I kept having to sneak to the bathroom to scoop my thong out of my ass crack :/ I also went to TJ Maxx to buy a memory foam topper (for our memory foam mattress!) because my hips are still aching. I tried a Boppy body pillow, and it does help, but not enough. Hopefully this will do the trick.

Yup. I Shouldn't Have Said Anything!

2010-01-11T11:05:00.000-08:00

And...I'm sick. (For the record, I don't really believe that I can jinx myself :P) I think it's a sinus infection. I started having a mildly bloody nose when I was up north in the dry air over Christmas. And then I came back to Austin and it got really cold and dry here too. Add pregnancy rhinitis. cedar, and CF - how could I not get a sinus infection?

Last week I noticed discomfort in my maxillary sinuses, my nose was getting stuffy, and I had night sweats one night, but I was hoping it was nothing. Then, yesterday, my body crashed. I got soooo tired yesterday and now feel like crap-o-la. So, it's off to the ENT I go this afternoon.

At least it's not a lung infection!

Oh Yeah, I Have a Blog

2010-01-07T15:56:00.000-08:00

I’m sorry about the hiatus from blogging! Greg and I were away visiting family over Christmas, which meant limited computer access, and I have been sooo busy since we got back. But, lots of stuff has been happening in the pregnancy world.

The most exciting thing is that we can feel her kicking from the outside now! That just started happening a few days ago, and it is still sporadic, but Greg managed to feel her when she started going nuts at 3:00 AM the other night and I woke him up. He put his hand on my belly and said, “Yup! She just punched my hand!” I just love feeling her kick and can’t wait until we start recognizing body parts.

Now that we know we’re having a girl, we were able to start some shopping. We bought some bedding and I think we are going to start painting this weekend. We bought a this crib skirt and some dark pink sheets from Pottery Barn Kids, and we are planning to paint the walls light green. Greg’s grandmother is going to make a quilt.

I also started our registry, which is taking up a ton of my time because I am obsessed with researching each item. Greg said he wants to burn Baby Bargains because I always have my nose in it ;)

As far as how I am feeling, I am happy to say that I am still feeling really good. I’m still having some issues getting comfortable in bed because of my hips, despite buying a body pillow, and I’ve been waking more during the night, (thanks to her kicking and me having to pee). But, as long as I’m in bed by 10 and can sleep until 7, I usually feel really good all day.

I’m still working out, although my jogging pace has slowed to a 12 minute mile and I still have to stop and walk because my heart rate gets too high. I’m also doing the elliptical, bike, and stairmaster at the gym, and I do Summer Sanders Prenatal Workout twice a week. I have started noticing my that the skin on my belly gets these weird pulling sessions when I am working out, especially if I twist my body at all when doing cardio. It makes me terrified that I am going to see ten thousand stretch marks when I look at my belly, but, so far, there is nothing there.

Speaking of my belly – Holy cow it has been itchy! Sometimes I feel like I have poison ivy on my stomach. I was in a store the other day and didn’t even realize I was vigorously scratching until the salesperson laughed and said, “I remember those days!” I started using Earth Mama Angel Baby stretch oil, but I haven’t yet decided if it’s helping.

My only other pregnancy issues are continued heartburn and these shooting pains in my left hip that radiate down the side of my leg and make me limp for a few minutes. My pregnancy books tell me I’m experiencing sciatic nerve pain, but I’ll see what the doctor says.

I must say that I am feeling soooo lucky at this point to be feeling so well. I am knocking on all the wood I see. Before I got pregnant, I was so sure that pregnancy would really negatively impact my CF. Well, here I am at 21 weeks and it hasn’t had any impact at all (:::knocking on more wood:::). I haven’t even had a cold. Wait, I probably shouldn’t have said that, considering I am overdue for an exacerbation.

I also still always have my IF journey in the back of my mind, and I hope I always do. It makes dealing with all these pregnancy symptoms so much easier because I am so, so, soooo thankful for this pregnancy. Part of me is still terrified that something could go wrong, and I am DYING to make it to the age of viability. But I am an enjoying every moment more than anything. And I think Greg is, too. I can really tell that our experience has made him so happy to be where we are today - he loves hearing the weekly "fruit updates," (this week our baby is the size of a banana), and he really loves my belly and saying "my pregnant wife" - and this makes me everything so awesome.

It's a GIRL!

2009-12-21T17:07:00.001-08:00

I can't believe it! I was so certain we were going to have a boy! I was in shock when the ultrasound tech said, "I think it's a girl!!" I kept saying, "I can't believe it's a girl!" and I cried a little ;) Everything looks good! She was moving around, yawning, and sucking her thumb. Greg is also excited and says he is going to turn her into a tomboy ;)

After the ultrasound, the doctor talked to us. She said there isn't much info out there on treating pregnancy in women with CF, so she is going to treat me like an asthma patient and have me come in every four weeks for an ultrasound. She said they just want to monitor the baby's growth to ensure that the baby is getting enough oxygen. And she said that, if I get an exacerbation, she wants me to call both her and my CF doctor, so she can work with him to make sure I am prescribed safe medications and that the baby is not affected.

And now it's time to go shopping! I'm so excited to buy cute dresses and girly stuff! And I am so, so happy that things are still looking good!

Here are a couple of pictures from today. Bonus: This doctor has a 3D ultrasound machine - Woot!

17w5d OB Appointment

2009-12-16T06:10:00.000-08:00

I had a quick and simple OB appointment yesterday. I peed on a stick so they could test for sugar in my urine and some other stuff, a tech listened to the baby's heartbeat, the doctor chatted with me for a few minutes, and then I went to the lab to have my blood drawn for the spina bifida test. I didn't even get an exam, which makes me even more thankful that I have an u/s next week, because I am still a bit paranoid about something bad happening.

Today I learned:

Those random sharp pains I've been getting in my crotch are round ligament pains
According to my OB, those tales about not being allowed to lie on your back are just urban myths. She said I could put a pillow under my back if I am still worried. Yay for more comfortable sleeping positions!
I'm allowed to fly until 36 weeks.
I have been gaining weight a bit too fast and need to be a little more careful - I'm already up almost 15 pounds (boo hiss).

My bloodwork for the Down's Syndrome test came back normal (yay!).
Those record-scratching sounds coming out of the doppler are baby movements! The tech said the baby was moving around like crazy, (Greg said the baby must take after me, because I have a hard time sitting down and relaxing ;). AND, I felt my stomach twitch at the exact moment the baby moved! So, those little twitching feelings I've been having are baby movements! I had a hard time believing they could be movements I felt them soooo early (like 12 weeks).

And, here is an overdue bump picture, taken the evening of 17w0d:

Squeeeee!!!!

2009-12-11T11:49:00.000-08:00

So, I was a little bummed that we weren't going to be able to find out the sex until after the holidays - my OB's office told me they probably wouldn't schedule my big ultrasound until about 22 weeks, just because that's when I would be due for an check-up.

BUT, my OB just referred me to a high risk OB, (I will still be seeing my regular OB, and the high risk will act as a consultant). I just got off the phone with the high-risk OB's office. I have an appointment on the 21st, and they are going to do the big ultrasound that day!! So we get to tell MH's family in-person over Christmas! I'm so excited!!!

I Can't Have Beer or Wine

2009-12-10T13:07:00.001-08:00

But I can have sugar! I just found out I passed my 2nd tri glucose tolerance test (I did it on Monday). Whooohooo! My vitamin levels are still looking good too :D

There's Nothing More Fun Than...

2009-12-08T08:54:00.001-08:00

...having to ask your doctor if you are still on pelvic rest when you are sitting in the middle of cube land, surrounded by coworkers. My office has zero conference rooms that aren't made up of cube walls, and I am on the ninth floor, which means I can't just run out to my car when I get a call back from the doctor. Fun times. (The good news is that, because I haven't spotted in two weeks, I am no longer on pelvic rest!)

I called both my CF doctor and my OB about the journal article, and they are in the process of reading it. Hopefully, I will have more information soon. In the meantime, I am trying a wedge pillow to see if it helps with my nighttime GERD issues and trying to reduce my albuterol use to twice a day, (before hypertonic saline).

In pregnancy symptoms news, my hips have gotten wider. No one warned me about this side effect! I know it makes sense, but I wasn’t expecting it, especially because my hips were already wide for my frame, (pre-pregnancy, I often had to buys pants a size too big and have the waist taken in). My mom even noticed it over Thanksgiving. So, my new wide load is already causing some issues – my shorts are starting to ride up my butt while I am working out, and I can’t fit into some of my elastic waist skirts – not because of my growing belly, but because they are so tight in the hips I can barely get them on! It’s also making sleeping quite uncomfortable, and I am waking up five to ten times a night to roll over because my hips ache. I used to have this issue on very hard beds, but now I am experiencing it on our memory foam bed. I even had to go out and buy a feathertop for my parent’s futon, (which I’ve slept on plenty of times in the past), because my hips were aching so badly I could barely sleep. I hope I will eventually get used to it, because I have a feeling my hips are not going to shrink back after our little one arrives. (And, I hope they don’t get so wide that I will have to go out and buy all new jeans!)

The only others symptoms I have been experiencing are some fatigue, (which is probably at least partly caused by the aching hips), and worsened acid reflux, (fun times with pukey burps :P). I did have morning sickness during the first trimester, but it is gone (I am going to write an entire post about that). My stress level has increased - being in bed by 9:30, upping my vesting, and having a horrible commute (not PG-related) has cut out whatever little free time I used to have during the workweek. However, there’s no way I would trade any of this to go back to the pre-pregnancy days, and I feel very lucky to have been healthy and to have had so few symptoms! ::knock on wood::

Albuterol = Autism?

2009-12-03T17:08:00.001-08:00

While I was getting ready for work this morning, I overheard the anchorwoman say something about a new study linking the use of asthma medications during pregnancy to autism. This definitely got my attention.

So, I immediately started googling. I found the abstract of the journal article here. It says that beta 2 adrenergic agonists, (which include albuterol and other asthma drugs, as well as a pre-term labor medication), "can induce functional and behavioral teratogenesis, which explains their association with increases in autism spectrum disorders, psychiatric disorders, poor cognitive, motor function and school performance, and changes in blood pressure in the offspring."

Considering I take albuterol four times a day, I am concerned. Additional googling told me that the study found the risk period is during the late second trimester and the third trimester. This means I have time to figure out if this is something I need to be worried about.

Step 1: Getting the full journal article from my brother-in-law (he has access to journal articles at work). Step 2: Talking to my doctors about it. Step 3: Deciding if I need to (and can) make any changes.

Bodily Functions

2009-12-01T09:12:00.000-08:00

I just threw up in my mouth. I thought it was a burp, until the contents of my stomach came into the back of my mouth. I freaked out and swallowed. Yummy. So, it looks like I might be going back on my proton pump inhibitor soon.

That liquidy discharge I have been experiencing? Yeah…I’m not so sure it’s just discharge. I noticed the other day that my undies smelled like I’d been hiking all day and had to pop a squat (to pee) and didn’t use toilet paper. So, apparently my CF cough has already caused me be to become a member of the pee pants party.

Pooping has become an Olympic event: rare and very difficult when it does occur. I never understood why people spent so much time in the bathroom. I mean, just get in there, go, and get out. Why spend 15 minutes with a turd under your butt while you read a magazine? Go curl up on the couch and read. Now I get it. It is frustrating! Now, bathroom time is when I read my pregnancy books. And, let me just say, when I actually do have to poop, it is exciting and I must take advantage of the opportunity right away, even if it means I am on hold with the doctor's office. And, pooping in public is not quite as embarrassing as it used to be, because I'm so happy it's actually happening. Although, the other day I was a bit annoyed because I had to go at the airport, I was the only one in the bathroom, and the bathroom attendant decided to sit outside my stall the entire time I was in there. Seriously? A little privacy, please?

Spilling the Beans

2009-11-24T06:11:00.001-08:00

Greg and I are in Maine! We flew up here on Saturday and are spending the week visiting my family. I grew up in Maine, and I always love coming back. But this time is especially fun because we are pregnant and get to tell everyone. :D

My parents and close friends already knew, but, that was about it. So, on Sunday, we drove down to Rhode Island, (where my mom's side of the family lives), to see my grandmother and share the great news. Several of my aunts came for dinner, and they did a toast "To family." And then my mom said, "And here's to my grandchild!" Everyone got so excited and my grandmother came right over to me and hugged me and said, "Oh, Kristen! This is wonderful, wonderful news!!!" I almost burst into tears because she was so happy. This will be her 18th great grandchild, but she was as happy as though it where her first.

The other exciting part is that, I had told my mom that I was a little bummed that I wouldn't get a baby shower, because my family and close friends are all over the country, so just didn't think it would happen. Well, after congratulating us, my grandmother and aunts immediately said, "Oh! And now we get to throw a baby shower!" (I am the first girl who has gotten pregnant in a positive situation, other than a cousin they never see, so it's the first opportunity they've really had to throw a shower.) My aunt said, "We are throwing one for you, whether or not you are there. You can watch us over a webcam." So I laughed and said, "If you guys are going to throw me a shower, I think I can manage to fly up for it!"

So, yay for that! It was very fun :D I told my dad and my in-laws that they are free to share the news with their families, and I think I will probably come out on Facebook next week.

Now, the only question is when to come out at work...I am not looking forward to that. One of the few coworkers I told said I should wait as long as possible to tell work, because some of the bosses are jackasses, and she's afraid I'm going to get a lot of annoying comments, (because people in the engineering world are socially awkward). But, I'm starting to show, and I am wondering how long I am going to be able to keep hiding it. My coworker told me to wait until after Christmas! I told her I'll be 20 weeks and I have a feeling they'll know even if I don't say anything by then. LOL.

I did tell another coworker last week, and he was so sweet and very excited and said, "That is fantastic news!" But then he told me, "I was wondering what was going on. I was thinking, man, someone is hitting the holiday food a little early! It didn't even occur to me that you might be pregnant!" :/

That’s all I have for now. I probably won’t blog again until after Thursday, so I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!

The Spotting Continues

2009-11-18T14:06:00.000-08:00

I started spotting again, so my OB’s office had me come in for me 14 week appointment yesterday. Everything looked good! The baby had a strong heartbeat, and my cervix was closed. I saw the nurse practitioner, and she said the spotting was most likely due to my lovely chronic yeast infections :/ So, she took some samples and sent them off to the lab for analysis. They should know something by the end of the week, and hopefully, they will be able to prescribe something that will take care of it, because the OTC stuff did not work.

Why, Hello 2nd Tri

2009-11-16T15:48:00.000-08:00

Wow! I can't believe we already made it to 2nd tri! 1st tri really did go by quickly, and I can't believe that now it's okay to spread the news. I'm still nervous about things, but I don't know how much longer I am going to be able to hide this little belly from work. I think people are already wondering. We are going to wait until next week to tell extended family so that I can tell my mom’s side of the family when I see them in person. That should be fun!

I've been a very bad blogger lately. The first trimester fatigue has made me very lazy. It hasn't been horrible, though. On most days, I wake up feeling fine and am able to get through most of the workday without a problem. But once three or four o'clock hits, WHAM, I am soooo tired! As a result, I haven't been good about working out. Between the fatigue, bleeding scares, and being sick, I've probably been exercising 30% of what I normally do. Hopefully, I will be able to pick it up again when that rumored second tri energy kicks in. I really don't like missing my workouts because I believe they are a big part of the reason my lung function is so high!

So, bleeding scares: I had another one on Friday. I have been suffering from a yeast infection most of 1st tri, so, about 10 days ago, I decided to use some of that over the counter cream, (after getting my doctor's okay, of course). Each morning, after I used the cream, I would experience some bleeding. It didn't worry me because I figured the cream was just irritating my cervix. I mentioned it to the doctor at my 12w4d u/s, and he confirmed that everything was okay. But, then it started again on Friday afternoon, and I had no explanation. No sex, no vaginal u/s, nothing. I called my OB’s office right away, and they said, “How soon can you get here?” But, I was too far away to make it before they closed. So, they told me to just watch it over the weekend and go to the ER if it got worse. The spotting continued through Sunday morning and stopped. When I called and updated them today, they said it sounded like my cervix was irritated. However, they want me to move up my appointment scheduled for this Friday if it continues. I am sooooo glad I have my doppler so that I can reassure myself that the LO is still alive in there!

Oh, and I would like to end this post with some good news: My sputum culture from November 5^th came back with NOTHING in it!!! Just normal flora. I know that there could be a small amount of Staph or PA hiding out deep in my lungs, but it’s exciting news nonetheless

12w4d NT Scan

2009-11-09T12:42:00.001-08:00

We had our NT scan today, and everything looked good! The moment the tech began the ultrasound and we saw the baby, Greg jumped out of his seat and said, "Look at that thing!"

The baby was moving around and even waved at us, (it was closing and opening its hands). So cute. The tech had a hard time getting a good view of the back of its neck at first. The baby was not in the right position, so she had me use the restroom and wait a bit. When she looked again, she laughed and said, "Now the baby is standing on its head!" So, she still couldn't get a good look at it. Then I coughed, and apologized, and she said, "That's good!" I laughed and told her, "I can cough as much as you want me too!" She told me to let out a few big huge coughs, "to get the baby ornery," and it finally moved to a good position. (Greg then said, "I wonder how ornery it gets when you use your vest!")

Oh, and here's a sliver lining to having CF - the doctor, (not my regular OB), mentioned that my OB will probably want me to have more frequent ultrasounds than normal, possibly as often as once a month! He told me to ask her about this at my 14 week appointment. So, I will most likely get to see my sweetie pie a bunch.

Here is a picture of the babe. You can see one of its arms sticking up from behind its head.

Yesterday's Meeting & Clinic Visit

2009-11-05T12:10:00.000-08:00

Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes! :D My day did get better yesterday. I worked a half day and slept all afternoon. Greg came home with flowers and cooked me dinner.

So here’s an update on two things:

Yesterday’s Meeting

My meeting was, well, interesting. The reason for the meeting was because my client has a water line in the state highway. The state told them they had to move it. I did the design and am now managing the construction. Now that we are in construction, the state is making all these changes to the design, and it would have been much less expensive if they had made these changes during the design phase. So, my client is not happy. It has cost them over $100,000 so far.

I made my points, which were all very good ones, and the contractor said, "You have a good argument. Let's hear what the state has to say." Well, the guy from the state didn't have much to say, other than, "You have to do what I say because I said so." (That's me paraphrasing, but I am not exaggerating.) When I said, "You permitted and signed-off on these plans. You can't just go and make changes now," he responded, "We don't have time to review your plans. We just sign off on them without looking at them." I told him, "That is not our fault." And he flipped out on me and said, "Look! You guys have been doing work with us for 20 years! It's not our job to wipe your asses for you!"

Very professional. I got pissed and started arguing, but my boss's boss said, "Kristen, Kristen, it's okay," so I shut my trap. Then the contractor winked at me. So, I knew everyone in the room thought guys was a jerk and that I was right. And, I did get him to back down on the some of the stuff he was telling us to do.

When I told the client how the meeting went, he said, "Good job! You got them riled up and now they are on notice!" So, overall, after my initial shock at being yelled at, I felt pretty good because I "won" and the client is happy.

Hemoptysis (Coughing up Blood)

My CF doctor had me come in this morning – he said that, normally, he would just prescribe an antibiotic, but, with me being pregnant, he wanted to be extra careful. I am glad I went in. My PFTs actually went up! Only 3%, but I was still shocked because I expected them to go down during pregnancy, and because I felt crappy. Everything looked and sounded good, so he told me to just lay off the hypertonic saline for a few days and keep an eye on things. He said I could have a mild exacerbation or a virus, but it was so mild that it didn’t warrant antibiotics at this time.

I did cough up some more junk today that was streaked with a bit of blood, but I think it may be just leftover from the other day. However, I still took the day off so I can rest. My nutritionist wants my vitamin levels checked, (more than what they checked at my OB’s office), and I have to do another OGTT (yay :P). And they’ve upped the frequency of my clinic visits from every three months to every two months.

A few stats at 12 weeks:

FEV1: 115% (up 3% from pre-pregnancy)
Weight Gain: 4 lbs

Ugh

2009-11-04T04:54:00.000-08:00

So, today is my birthday, and it not starting off to be a good day. First, I coughed up blood last night. It was a blob a bit larger than a nickle, which is the most blood I have ever brought up in my life. Needless to say, I am freaked out and am calling my doctor the second 8:00 rolls around. I slept like crap last night because of this, so now I am exhausted too.

Secondly, I can't even stay home and rest because I have a horrendous meeting to go to first thing. I don't want to get into my job too much, but, the whole point of this meeting is because my client is pissed at some people who work for the state, so he wants me to "lay down the law" - i.e. get into an argument with them. It's going to be me against a room full of old men. This is not why I wanted to become an engineer. I just want to sit at my desk and play with numbers!

Thirdly, I am so, so, so disappointed in my home state of Maine this morning. I almost started crying when I saw the election results, and I still feel sick to my stomach and like crying :(

I Got My Doppler!

2009-10-22T18:57:00.000-07:00

My Hi Bebe fetal doppler arrived today. I decided to order it after spending too much time googling "missed miscarriage." After the spotting and losing some of my pregnancy symptoms, I was having a hard time relaxing. I knew today might be too early to hear the heartbeat, but I was excited to give it a try anyway.

When I got home from work, I immediately ripped open the package, lubed up the the probe and put it on my belly. I moved it around right above my pubic bone for about five minutes, but all I found was my own heartbeat. I was about to give up and was pretty bummed. Then, I found it. The most wonderful sound ever! The baby's heart was beating at 175 beats per minute. Greg and I both said, "There it is!" We listened for about 30 seconds, until Greg said "Stop poking it!"

Ahhhh...I am so happy right now. I now know we made it out of the extreme danger zone, and I can finally relax!

A Series of Belly Pics

2009-10-22T04:38:00.001-07:00

I've been taking belly pictures every other week since my BFP, but I haven't taken the time to post them, so here they are:

3w4d (Right after BFP - I thought I was bloated that morning. Hahahahaha.)

6w0d

8w0d

10w0d

Boobies

2009-10-19T18:28:00.000-07:00

This weekend I got to do something I have been dying to do for weeks: Buy a new bra! My boobs have definitely grown. Taking off my bra is the most painful moment of the day. Every time I change my shirt, Greg looks at me and whispers, "You have giant huge boobs."

At first I went to Victoria's Secret because I had a coupon and I didn't want to spend a ton of money on a bra I would only be wearing for a few months. The woman measured me and said I am a 34C. I told her I was surprised because I am normally a 32C, and I figured I had grown more than that. But, I trusted her. The bra she gave me was more comfortable than the one I was wearing, so I bought it.

The following day I wore my new bra and decided it was not very comfortable after all. The underwire would not stay against my rib cage, and the middle-front part of the bra would not tack down against my chest. So, I headed to my favorite place ever to buy a bra: Nordstrom. I love, love, love their customer service, but shopping there is definitely a splurge for me. The salesperson didn't just measure me over my shirt and tell me my size and walk away. She also looked at my new bra and identified what the issues where, and examined how some of their bras fit me. And, guess what? I am now a 34D! She found me the perfect bra that stays tacked down. So, I sucked it up and spent $60 on a bra I will probably only wear for a few months, but I decided the extra money is worth the comfort. And I only bought one, so I will be wearing the same bra every day for a while now :P

Now I have to start thinking about sports bras. I am trying to hold off on buying new ones, but boy are they getting snug!

Long Time No Blog

2009-10-18T17:20:00.000-07:00

The past month has been crazy! Having CF and working full time means that my weekdays are crazy busy (I am working/workingout/commuting/getting ready from 6:30am to 9:00pm) and I really need my weekends to run errands, get stuff done around the house, and just relax on the couch. Add being pregnant and needing more sleep to the mix, and I have had zero free time during the week.

And, to top things off, Greg has to take the Professional Engineering exam next Friday, so he has been using every free moment to study. This means, instead of picking up some of my slack, he is doing even less than what he usually does, (such as cooking dinner – we’ve been eating pizza, canned soup, mac n’ cheese, and pasta). Needless to say, our house has been a clutter zone. Thank goodness we have cleaning people come every other week, or else there would probably be six inches of dust on everything.

Here have been our weekends since our BFP:

-Weekend of BFP (PG Week 3): In Houston for an Astros game and to visit friends

-Week 4: At Home

-Week 5: Visiting Friends in Pittsburg

-Week 6: At Home

-Week 7: BIL & SIL visiting for Austin City Limits Music Festival

-Week 8: In east Texas for a wedding

-Week 9 (This weekend): At Home

-Week 10: ILs in town to visit

So, by next week, it will have been two months since we've had two weekends in a row to get stuff done around here. It has been fun, but I am so ready for a break and some time to be able to do things like go out to dinner and watch a movie.

I think it is partially a blessing that my RE told me to take time off work to rest a few weeks ago, because, usually when our schedules get crazy like this, I get run down and sick. And when I get sick, it often leads to a lung exacerbation, which means needing antibiotics and risking permanent lung damage. Hence the reason I put such a high priority on sleep.

And this week, I have been catching up on sleep due to (mis)adventure we had last weekend. Here’s the story:

One of our friends was getting married at the remote resort in east Texas. He set aside a house on the resort for Greg and I, the couple we visited in Pittsburg (M&B), our closest Austin friends (S&C), my old roommate and her husband (H&S), the best man and his girlfriend, and two other people. Please note that we still had to pay for the house, (no complaints here, this is just semi-relevant to the story). We were really looking forward to spending the weekend with our friends.

Needless to say, I knew I might have trouble getting a ton of sleep. On Friday night, most of the people in the house stayed up until 2:00am drinking and playing cards. It was loud, but I had a room upstairs and my white noisemaker and earplugs, so I slept through most of it. And it ended at a reasonable hour.

Fast forward to Saturday night. The reception went until midnight. Greg, B (who is also PG), S, and I left a little early because we were tired and wanted to go to bed. Around 12:15, I went downstairs to get a drink, and a girl I’ve never seen before walked in and said, “The groom told everyone at the reception that the party is continuing here.” Fifteen minutes later, about 40 people showed up, and most of them were WASTED.

I was pretty ticked off. The groom didn’t even ask any of us if this was okay, and, considering we had paid for the house, I would have expected that courtesy. Five out of the 10 of the people staying there wanted to go to bed, and now it was so loud in the house that none of us could sleep. Around 3:00am, a sixth person staying in the house wanted to go to sleep. And still, none of us could sleep.

At 4:00am, M got up and asked people to please be quiet. The best man refused. M got pissed and decided to start doing homework in the living room, considering he wasn’t going to be sleeping.

At 5:30am, Greg went downstairs and asked everyone to be quiet. Again, the best man refused and told Greg, “NO! You guys were up loud until 2:00am last night. Fuck you if you think I am going to be quiet for you now!”

Greg, got PISSED, (and Greg does NOT get pissed easily), and said, “Look asshole! Turn off the goddamn radio and shut the fuck up or I am going to come over there and punch you in the fucking face!” At this, M joined in and started yelling at the guy.

FINALLY, my old roommate, (who, BTW, knew I was PG and had CF and about my need for sleep), turned the radio down and convinced everyone to go outside. Greg and I were able to go to sleep, and we slept for about three hours. However, M & B still couldn’t sleep because they were downstairs and people were being loud outside until 7:00am, so they didn’t sleep at all.

Needless to say, the following morning, you could cut the tension in the house with a knife. M, B, S, C, Greg, and I were giving the other people in the house the side-eye, and Greg kept saying, “I hope (the best man) gets up before we leave to so I can punch him!” (We left before he got up). Even now, if I mention the incident to Greg, he says, “If I see that guy again, I don’t know if I will be able to restrain myself from decking him.”

Oh, and to top things off, when I got up to pee around 8:00am, the door to our shared bath was locked. Two hours later, it was still locked, so I asked Greg & C if there was someone in the bathroom. They pounded on the door. No answer. So, they jimmied the lock and opened the door. And there, lying on the floor in a puddle of vomit with no pants on, was the girl staying the bedroom down the hall.

Greg called to the girl’s friends, “You guys need to get up here! There is a girl passed out in the bathroom.” The friends whined, “Do we have to?” and Greg said, “Yes. It’s not pretty.” So they came upstairs and there was a lot of gagging and near-vomiting from the smell, (which caused me, suffering from m/s & emetophobia, to sprint to my door and slam it shut). And there was laughing. So Greg yelled at them, “Yeah, it’s REALLY funny!”

Oh, and at some point in the morning, my old roommate said, "Some people were mad at 5:30am, and SOME of us were having FUN!"

So it took me all week to recover from that! We used to be those people who would stay up until dawn drinking, (although I never drank to the point of passing out). We used to do keg stands and beer bongs and way too many shots and yell and scream and run around. I used to call my friends who were married and close to having kids “boring” because they liked to be in bed before midnight. But we were 23, not 33. We’ve grown up. I guess it takes some people longer to do so :P

At least we have a story we will always reminisce about. “Remember that jackass Greg wanted to punch? Haha. What a jerk.”

First OB Visit Today

2009-10-08T16:16:00.000-07:00

I had my first visit with the OB's office today. If I had to sum it up in one word, I would have to choose "overwhelming." They gave me a huge folder with all sorts of info, and then a nurse sat down with me and went over everything. That's when I realized how much is involved with this whole having a baby thing. I have to go to the doctor every few weeks??? There are childbirth AND Lamaze classes? And I have to sign-up for them by 24-weeks? That's so soon! And there are infant CPR, baby care, and breastfeeding classes? All I’ve done so far is read the first few chapters of WTEWYE. And we have to buy so much baby stuff and plan a nursery. OMG! I must order Baby Bargains now so I can start the planning!

I will admit, though, that I got all mushy and excited when I opened up my free gift from Similac and there was a pacifier in there. Aw, my first baby item is in the house! I cannot wait to meet this little one!

I also got weighed when I first arrived - I've already gained three pounds :/ I think I need to cut back on the cheesy poofs. (For some reason, m/s has me wanting only food that is really bad for me, like Cheese-its and Smart Food.) Thanks to the extra pounds, (and the few that I gained before I got pregnant due to drowning my IF sorrows in two glasses of wine each night), I am already very uncomfortable in most of my pants. I've been using the Be Band and the rubber band trick, but most of my shirts are not long enough to cover the band or hide my unzipped fly. So, I made my first maternity purchases today – I bought a long black maternity tee and another regular, long, flowy tee at Target. I also had some new bras, (because my boobs are already huge), and bigger pants on my shopping list, but I was tired and hungry, so instead, I came home and ate lunch and half a bag of Smart Food, and then took a nap.

So, back to my OB visit. I also got my flu shot, which is making me feel like crap right now, (as it always does the evening after I get it). I also asked if they would be getting any H1N1 vaccine once the shot version comes in, because, being in two risk categories, I really want it. The nurse said she didn’t know. Hopefully at least CF clinic will get some.

The appointment lasted almost an hour, and then I had to get some blood drawn. I go back in two weeks for an exam with the doctor.

Oh, and one other thing: I haven’t taken Colistin in 4 weeks because it’s been my “off” month. I am scheduled to go back on it this weekend, but I am nervous about taking a Pregnancy Category C medicine in the first trimester. I know it’s important to weigh the risk of Colisitin with the risk of not taking it and then having a lung exacerbation, I just don’t know what those risks are. I’ve heard that, because it’s inhaled, the amount that reaches the fetus is small. But, the baby is only the size of a grape and is currently developing some vital organs, so, couldn’t even a small amount have an impact? I haven’t cultured PA in two years – so, does this mean it shouldn’t be a big deal to go off it for another month, or would I be taking a huge risk of the PA coming back if I don’t continue it? I have no idea. My OB wants me to discuss this with my CF doctor (she called me after the appointment to talk to me about it). I need to call clinic tomorrow.

Lastly, I got the bill for all my OB stuff from today through childbirth, (not including extra visits, lab work, or hospital charges): $584 after insurance, which has to be paid in full in two weeks. (the before-insurance cost for vaginal delivery is $3,200). I didn't see that one coming. As much as I hate my job, I must say it's a good thing I am still working!

Back From U/S

2009-10-05T12:59:00.000-07:00

Our little bean's heart is still beating. Thank you God. I was so terrified when we were in there, and our RE was so somber. I felt like I was going to throw up when he started lubing up the dildo cam. For a split second, all I could see was the sac and I freaked out, but then I saw the baby, and then I saw its heartbeat. And then I cried.

The RE also pointed out that the sac is high in my uterus and said that was a good sign.

I was also told that I should take as much time off work as possible for the rest of the week, which means I had to tell my boss what is going on :P The RE also said I have to call them at the end of the week to let them know if I am still spotting.

So, I don't feel completely out of the woods, but, I feel SO MUCH BETTER.

U/S at 2:00

2009-10-05T09:08:00.000-07:00

I am terrified, but also can't wait to get an answer. The fact that the spotting is brown is not reassuring me at all, because it was brown when we had the m/c the last time we were PG. Greg is coming with me, which I am grateful for.

Ugh

2009-10-05T06:00:00.000-07:00

Spotting. Yesterday morning I was standing in the yard, calling for my cat, when I felt a sudden gush of water. I rushed to the bathroom to check it out, and saw that my panties were wet and there was brown spotting. So, of course I freaked. There was more spotting when I wiped, but, after a few wipes it was gone. I called the on-call nurse's line at my OB's office, and they said it was a "yellow flag" and that I should call my RE's office, because they had just seen me on Friday. The on-call doctor at the RE's office said I should keep an eye on it and go to the ER if it got worse. Otherwise, I should stay on pelvic rest and call the RE Monday morning.

The last time, when the spotting started, it didn't just stop right away - it continued for days, almost every time I wiped, so, I started to relax a little and almost convinced myself it was caused by Friday's ultrasound. This would make sense if it was just spotting - but I don’t get what would have caused the whole rush of water thing.

Then, it happened again until last night, although it was on a much smaller scale. Still, I am not liking this and I hope I can get another u/s soon. I am still having PG symptoms, (my boobs are killing me and I almost threw up last night), so hopefully that is a good sign. But, doctor Google told me that you can continue to have PG symptoms with a missed m/c, so, of course I am still freaking out!

Update: Right after I posted this, it happened again - I felt a gush of water, and, when I wiped, there was a bunch of watery stuff mixed with brown. Now I am officially freaking out. I called my RE's office and left a message with the receptionist, and she is going to talk to the doctor and call me back.

7w1d Ultrasound

2009-10-02T13:50:00.000-07:00

Here is this morning’s picture of our sweet little gummy bear:

I can’t believe we can already see it’s little arms and legs. I already want to kiss it. Everything is still looking great. The baby is measuring 7w0d, so we are only one day off, and the RE said that is most likely measurement error. We could see the heart beating much more clearly this time, too.

And, with that, we graduated from the RE! Our RE had us come into his office after the u/s and congratulated us. He was so sweet and said he knew what a hard road it had been for us and that he was really happy for us. He also told us we have to bring the baby in for him to meet after it is born. And he gave us each a hug.

When we left the appointment, Greg said, “Nothing can ruin my day now! Everyone at work can just fuck off!” (His job has been stressful lately). As we were getting into our cars, I said, “Congratulations!” and he replied, “Congrats, momma.” That’s the first time he’s ever called me that :D