Going Back to the ENT

I had a CT scan of my sinuses done on Friday. Today I received a call from my ENT's office - he wants me to come back in. The lady on the phone couldn't tell me anything, but I'm assuming it's not good news if I have to go back :( My appointment is on Thursday, so I won't know until then. My fingers and toes are crossed that I am not going to need surgery - I just had it three years ago!

Pity Party for One, Please!

I am so frustrated tonight I am almost crying. My oral thrush is back. With a vengeance. My tongue feels like I drank a gallon of boiling hot coffee this morning. On top of that, I’ve spent the past two days squirming in my seat because I also have it vaginally.

So the Clotrimazole didn’t work. The Nystatin didn’t work. The Orithrush didn’t work. The Biotene didn’t work. Taking probiotics didn’t work. Now I must move on to Diflucan. This means we have to take a month off from TTC.

Now, I know we have only been TTC for 2 months. But we were “wanting but waiting” for what seemed like an eternity, and having to take a TTC break so soon, combined with being so grossed out by my tongue I want to chop it off, and my crotch itching so much I want to scream, is making me sulk. I won't even be able to start the Diflucan until tomorrow evening because my brother in law (the doctor) has his phone turned off tonight. I feel so nasty.

And I can’t even wallow with a glass of wine or some comfort food, (ice cream and mac n’ cheese would be fab), because alcohol and refined sugars make it all worse :(

Onto Cycle #3

AF arrived yesterday. Oh, well. As I mentioned a few posts ago, it's probably for the best due to my exposure to burning plastic. And every month we are unsuccessful means another month I am bringing in dough, so we get spend money on some extra things. This month it's project home improvement. I'm not sure if it will be a new coffee table, curtains, some stuff for the sitting area in our bedroom, or remodeling our bathroom. I do know, however, that I am headed to the mall today to buy some fancy sunglasses!

The Insanity of the Two Week Wait

Anyone who is or has TTC probably already knows this: The two-week wait (2WW) is torture. I heard this before we started TTC, but it wasn't until I experienced it myself I realized quite how much torture it really is.

Oh, it starts out all well and good. The first few days are full of the excitement of seeing my temperatures rise and I getting those oh-so-anticipated crosshairs on my Fertility Friend chart. The next few days are not so bad either. But once 5 days past ovulation (dpo) hits, the craziness sets in.

I read somewhere on the internet that 5 dpo is the earliest the embryo may implant in the uterus, meaning it is the earliest pregnancy symptoms may be felt. And thus, it is when analyzing every possible body twinge begins: Was that implantation cramping or just gas? Am I nauseated due to very early morning sickness, or is it that sour yogurt I had with lunch? Do my boobs hurt because I am pregnant or because I did 40 push-ups last night? Is my tiredness caused by a growing fetus or getting only 5 hours sleep last night? And on, and on it goes. I will even admit to randomly grabbing and fondling my boobs just to see how much they really hurt, and sticking my finger in my chacha to see how much creamy cervical mucus I really have (because, did you know, that can be an early pregnancy symptom?).

And then 10 dpo arrives. Ah, the magic of 10 dpo. This is supposedly the earliest you can reasonably start taking pregnancy tests, although I have heard of people getting positives as early as 8 dpo. And, yes, I have caved and tested at 9 dpo in the past. But 10 dpo is the first day listed on the "dpo accuracy chart" for PG tests. Still, the tests are only 37% reliable at this point - not very good odds, and many women wait a few days more to begin testing. Not me. I am a self-proclaimed pee on a stick (POAS) addict. I am actually proud of myself that I have only taken two tests this cycle, and I am 13 dpo. Thank goodness for the dollar tree, where they have very reliable pregnancy tests (according to PeeonaStick.com) for $1 a pop. Otherwise, I'd probably be dropping $25 a month on pregnancy tests.

The problem with being a POAS addict is that it drives you to insanity. First comes the decision to POAS. For me, this usually happens in the evening. Because I know the insanity it causes, I really do try to resist the urge to POAS. I am usually very good about this when I wake up in the morning, but, in the evening, after I’ve had a glass of wine, my self-control goes out the window. At first I sit there debating it with myself…well, I have some symptoms (that could be PMS)...my temps look good (they looked like that last month)...it's only a dollar. That last one gets me every time. So then, it's off to the bathroom. And this is where the excitement begins. I think to myself "these could be the last seconds of this phase of my life. Everything could be about to change." I feel my heart rate increase a little. And then I take the test and start at the test window as the urine goes across it. No test line shows up. I walk away for a minute and look again. Still no test line. Well, I should wait longer. A few minutes pass. No test line. Well, I've heard of some people taking almost 10 minutes to get a BFP when it's only 10 dpo. Five minutes later, still no BFP. And then I pick up the test and stare very intently, just to make sure there is no faint line on there. I tip in different directions to ensure shadows aren't hiding a possible faint line. I've even taken a test apart just to make sure.

And then, after wasting 15 minutes of my evening, I sigh and admit defeat. But not really. I think, "There’s still hope. After all, there's only a 35% chance of a positive if I am pregnant.” And those percentages continue to be my lifeline to hope. Even two cycles ago, when I got a BFN at 17 dpo, I held onto the fact that there was an 8% chance it was a false negative (but the arrival of AF later that day brought me back to sanity).

So analyzing symptoms continues. And this just gets worse as PMS kicks in, because Mother Nature likes to be cruel and makes PMS and pregnancy have the exact same symptoms. And even though I know this, the chance I may be PG has caused me to give in to my ravenous PMS hunger even more. After all, if I am PG and this hungry, the baby must need it, right? And then AF arrives and I want to cry when I can barely button my pants and have to resign to dinners of grilled chicken and rabbit food for the next week.

And of course, there is fertility friend, with its multitude of ways to spend endless hours analyzing my chart. My favorite is the "compare my chart" feature, which allows me to compare my charts to those of other people. I love do a search of charts that have the same post ovulation (O) temps as mine and see what percentage of matching charts resulted in pregnancy. Then I will do a search of charts with similar post O temps and coverlines and look at the percentages. Then post O temps, coverlines, and sex patterns. Then post O temps and sex patterns. And then perhaps a few other permutations before moving on to the chart overlay feature.

And then, finally, AF arrives. And it is bittersweet because I now officially know I am not pregnant, but I can also have my sanity back. For a few weeks anyway.

Hoping for a Big Fat Negative :(

Last week I caused a near-disaster at our house. I have to boil my nebulizer cups to sterilize them after each use, and I have six of these cups so I only have to boil them every 3 days. Last week, I fell asleep while boiling them!

I awoke at 2 AM thinking, "What’s that smell?" and woke up Greg. He immediately said, "YOUR NEBULIZERS!" and ran into the kitchen. Not only had I boiled off all the water and melted the plastic cups, I had vaporized the melted plastic! There was nothing left in the pot except for some little blue rubber pieces. The living & kitchen were full of plastic smoke, and it smelled awful (and our smoke alarms didn't go off!). We opened all the windows and spent two hours outside waiting for the house to air out. We finally made it back to bed around 4 AM.

However, our house still stank of burnt plastic for several days afterwards, and there was a sticky film all over our laminate floors. We spent three days cleaning the floors and everything else in the house, I bought a new carbon filter for the air purifier, and we spent a lot of time with the windows open. The filter in the AC unit had plastic strings and beads all over it! The house stopped stinking this weekend. Phew!

Greg and I, being environmental engineers and knowing about the toxic things that can be found in plasticizers, knew this could be bad for us, and definitely for any baby that could be growing inside me. So, now we are hoping for a BFN this month. Sad :(

My ENT Appointment

Three words about my ENT: He is hot. During my appointment, he kept saying, "you are always smiling!" and I thought to myself, "maybe that's because you are so dreamy."

Anywho, he performed a nasal endoscopy on me and said that my left sinus (the one that has been hurting) was swollen. He wanted to perform a CT scan to see what's going on, but told me I needed to wait until I knew for sure if I was PG. Which means I'm either going back when I get my period, or not going to get one at all. He said, "it would probably be fine if we did one now and you are pregnant, but I would feel really guilty if your child ended up having three arms." He also told me he knows I am going to have a boy :)

Something I Didn't Think About

When we decided to TTC, I knew there would be risks because 1) carry a baby is hard on a woman's body and 2) my medication options would be limited if I got sick.

Last week made me realize something I didn't think about: The face that #2 is true for the entire time we are TTC, because I could get pregnant at anytime.

Last week, my doctor told me to not even bother coming in for a sputum culture because there was only ONE antibiotic they could give me for my sinusitis. Being on that antibiotic made my thrush come back, and my options for thrush meds are limited as well.

Funny story about my thrush….I wrote a little while ago that I was going to ask my doctor for a prescription to wipe out my thrush and then I would prevent it with Biotene mouthwash. Well, I started using the Biotene right away, and it got rid of my thrush on its own! So I never did call my doctor for the prescription. On Saturday morning, I noticed it was back despite my continued use of Biotene. I did not want to wait until Monday to get a prescription, so I called Greg's brother, who happens to be a doctor.

I told him what was going on and he said he would call in a prescription for Diflucan. After I handed to phone back to Greg, I realized didn't ask him if it was safe to take Diflucan while TTC. So Greg asked and he said he would check and call back later.

I also happened to get a positive OPK on Saturday, so, a little while later, while Greg and I were cuddling, he called back and told Greg that Diflucan is a pregnancy class C drug, so it may be ok to take, but, if it were his wife, he wouldn't want her taking it. He wanted to know if I wanted Nystatin instead (this is a mouthwash that doesn't work quite as well as Diflucan). Greg said, "I'll ask her and call you back."

I told Greg I wanted the Nystatin, and Greg called his brother back right away and left a voicemail. Then Greg and I got busy ;) About two minutes later, his brother called Greg's cell. We ignored it. Then our landline rang. We ignored that too. Then he called the cell phone again. Then the landline again.

A little while later, I listened to his messages on our answering machine. They were something like this:

"Greg - where did you go? You JUST left me a message! Call me back.”

And then:

"Greg - ok, I've called you four times. Where are you? My guess is you either fell in a hole, don't want to talk to me, or Kristen is ovulating and you guys are humping right now." Of course, then Greg had to tell him "You guessed right!"