CD 1

Yesterday was CD 1. I don't think I have ever been so relieved for CD 1. My body is allowing me to move on. So far, it has not been too bad. (TMI warning: I am sharing this info for others who may be interested, but it may be kind-of gross). Yesterday was just like a light AF. Today started out like a heavier AF. I took two Advil at 5:00 AM (woke up with cramps - don't worry, I didn't get up that early, I went back to sleep), and I felt fine all morning. I took two more at 1:00 in anticipation of having my eyebrows threaded at 2:00. While I was having my brows done, I started having awful AF cramps. "WTF?" I thought, "I took two Advil an hour ago, I shouldn't be having cramps." When my brows were done, I used the restroom and saw lots of clots and a tiny bit of tissue - definitely not the norm for me. After that one incident, my cramps subsided and it returned to a normal AF.

I have started feeling better during the past couple of days, although I am still sad and probably always will be when I think about this. It's funny, because moving forward is kind-of like moving backward. I am getting back to the place I was in before we got pregnant: Planning, anticipating, and hoping. But, I must admit, there is now more bitterness mixed with those feelings.

We went to a BBQ yesterday, and I had been dreading it because I knew I would see my friend's newborn. Well, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that, although I wanted to burst into tears upon seeing the baby, I was fine after my initial reaction. I was even able to hold her and felt okay.

So, I think we are moving on. I still want that week of happiness back. I still grieve for the loss of our first child, even if we only had him/her for a very short time. But, I am feeling more encouraged by the good news I have been concentrating on: We can get pregnant. And 50% of all first pregnancies end in early miscarriage. This is not to say I won't be terribly nervous when we get pregnant again, but I am concentrating on the odds, (most pregnancies after a first miscarriage are successful), and praying that we will see another BFP very soon.