Hope's a Bitch

I am now 8 dpiui and 9 days past trigger. My first two IUI cycles, my trigger was out after 8.5 and 9 days. So, it should be out by now, right? But, I got a very, very faint positive this morning. Not an evap line, definitely a real, light pink line. Now, the logical part of me knows this is probably just because the trigger is taking a little longer to leave my system. But, the stupid part of my mind keeps wandering to those urban legends of people getting BFPs at 8 dpo. “What if it’s a real BFP?” the stupid part of my mind keeps asking me.

Alas, this is just a part of the “hopes a bitch” portion of the cycle. When I start to think that every little PMS symptoms is really a pregnancy symptom. Where I let myself have that extra piece of cake because “I must be eating for two. Why else would I be starving?” I even begin to let myself imagine what it would be like to share the BFP news with everyone – how I would write it to my friends on the Nest, how I would tell my sister, how I would post it in this blog. And I think, maybe, just maybe, I can go out and buy What to Expect While You are Expecting in a few days.

And then, a few days later, my temperature comes crashing down and I start spotting and I curse myself for getting my hopes up. However, once I recover from the pain of another failed cycle, I begin again to feel hopeful that this cycle will be the one.

Sigh...please let this be the cycle where the rollercoaster ends!