Friday, August 29, 2008

Everything is A-OK

My clinic visit went great! My pulmonary function tests (PFTs) are holding steady (FEV1 = 112%), and I was most excited about my sputum cultures (that’s when they test the junk in my lungs for bugs). My doctor showed me the results of my past four cultures and they were like this:

- Pseudomonas Aeruginosa & Staph Aureus
- Nothing
- Pseudomonas Aeruginosa & Staph Aureus
- Nothing

He said, basically, what that means is that I have very weak bugs, (meaning they are easily killed by antibiotics, e.g. my every-other-month of colistin), at low concentrations, and this is a big reason my lung function is so high.

My doctor is very please with my health and said once my sinus surgery is complete I should be in tip-top shape for getting pregnant!

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Clinic Visit Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my first visit to CF clinic since Greg went with me to have the whole "TTC talk." That was four months ago. I wonder if they are curious to see whether or not I am PG yet....

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

"Being Bad" = No Worries

AF arrived today, so we don't have to worry about the 0.00001% chance of having a three-headed baby caused by me taking Diflucan five days before we had sex.

The good news is that my BIL (the anesthesiologist) said we may not have to TTA this month! If that's the case, we're getting really serious - no more of this "sex every other day" around ovulation. And I'll be taking green tea capsules.

I have given up on OPKs - they don't show my peak until after I ovulate - how is that any help? So I bit the bullet and shelled out the dough for Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor (CBEFM). We'll see how that works.

Sorry I have been a bad blogger lately. My life has been unexciting and I have been lazy. I NEED to continue my CF story...and now I am distracted by my purchase of all four Twilight books.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

20 Random Things About Me

Some people on the Nest had the idea for this post, and I like it and am stealing it :) So here are 20 random things about me:

1) I love cats and have two of them

2) I was a field hockey goalie from 8th grade through my senior year in college

3) Blue is my favorite color

4) I am a beauty product junkie and own way too many of them

5) I love cheese

6) I also love wine

7) I can do a cloverleaf with my tongue

8) I am obsessed with having a clean house, but my car is a pigsty

9) I can't stand Hugh Grant movies

10) Sometimes I wish I had become a teacher...and I think I may someday

11) Skiing is my favorite thing to do (and yet I live in Texas!)

12) If I haven't been clothes shopping in a month, it's been a while

13) I wish I still had a Maine accent (alas, I lost it after 10+ years living away from there)

14) I used to be really, really liberal, then I was really, really conservative, now I'm in the middle

15) I've eaten an entire tub of frosting in one sitting

16) I am very opinionated and have a hard time keeping my mouth shut (but I am learning!)

17) I am extremely close to my sister (she's 4 years younger than me)

18) I really want a Yorkshire Terrier (but Greg doesn't)

19) I grew up on a lake, swimming all summer for 18 years, and yet I still can't dive

20) I would rather hike up a mountain than lay on the beach

Thursday, August 14, 2008

It's Sinus Surgery for Me

I went to the ENT today. My CT scan showed my left sinus completely full of infection. I may also have a few polyps. Nasal polyps are very common with CFers, however, this is the first time I have had them. My surgery is in about four weeks. I'm bummed mostly because it means TTC is on hold for even longer.

However, we were bad last night and had "fun" without protection (I know, shame on us, but we were out of condoms ;), so there is a slight chance we could be pregnant this month. If we are, it shouldn’t be too much of an issue because I took my last Diflucan five days ago.

Monday, August 11, 2008

Going Back to the ENT

I had a CT scan of my sinuses done on Friday. Today I received a call from my ENT's office - he wants me to come back in. The lady on the phone couldn't tell me anything, but I'm assuming it's not good news if I have to go back :( My appointment is on Thursday, so I won't know until then. My fingers and toes are crossed that I am not going to need surgery - I just had it three years ago!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Pity Party for One, Please!

I am so frustrated tonight I am almost crying. My oral thrush is back. With a vengeance. My tongue feels like I drank a gallon of boiling hot coffee this morning. On top of that, I’ve spent the past two days squirming in my seat because I also have it vaginally.

So the Clotrimazole didn’t work. The Nystatin didn’t work. The Orithrush didn’t work. The Biotene didn’t work. Taking probiotics didn’t work. Now I must move on to Diflucan. This means we have to take a month off from TTC.

Now, I know we have only been TTC for 2 months. But we were “wanting but waiting” for what seemed like an eternity, and having to take a TTC break so soon, combined with being so grossed out by my tongue I want to chop it off, and my crotch itching so much I want to scream, is making me sulk. I won't even be able to start the Diflucan until tomorrow evening because my brother in law (the doctor) has his phone turned off tonight. I feel so nasty.

And I can’t even wallow with a glass of wine or some comfort food, (ice cream and mac n’ cheese would be fab), because alcohol and refined sugars make it all worse :(

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Onto Cycle #3

AF arrived yesterday. Oh, well. As I mentioned a few posts ago, it's probably for the best due to my exposure to burning plastic. And every month we are unsuccessful means another month I am bringing in dough, so we get spend money on some extra things. This month it's project home improvement. I'm not sure if it will be a new coffee table, curtains, some stuff for the sitting area in our bedroom, or remodeling our bathroom. I do know, however, that I am headed to the mall today to buy some fancy sunglasses!

Friday, August 1, 2008

The Insanity of the Two Week Wait

Anyone who is or has TTC probably already knows this: The two-week wait (2WW) is torture. I heard this before we started TTC, but it wasn't until I experienced it myself I realized quite how much torture it really is.

Oh, it starts out all well and good. The first few days are full of the excitement of seeing my temperatures rise and I getting those oh-so-anticipated crosshairs on my Fertility Friend chart. The next few days are not so bad either. But once 5 days past ovulation (dpo) hits, the craziness sets in.

I read somewhere on the internet that 5 dpo is the earliest the embryo may implant in the uterus, meaning it is the earliest pregnancy symptoms may be felt. And thus, it is when analyzing every possible body twinge begins: Was that implantation cramping or just gas? Am I nauseated due to very early morning sickness, or is it that sour yogurt I had with lunch? Do my boobs hurt because I am pregnant or because I did 40 push-ups last night? Is my tiredness caused by a growing fetus or getting only 5 hours sleep last night? And on, and on it goes. I will even admit to randomly grabbing and fondling my boobs just to see how much they really hurt, and sticking my finger in my chacha to see how much creamy cervical mucus I really have (because, did you know, that can be an early pregnancy symptom?).

And then 10 dpo arrives. Ah, the magic of 10 dpo. This is supposedly the earliest you can reasonably start taking pregnancy tests, although I have heard of people getting positives as early as 8 dpo. And, yes, I have caved and tested at 9 dpo in the past. But 10 dpo is the first day listed on the "dpo accuracy chart" for PG tests. Still, the tests are only 37% reliable at this point - not very good odds, and many women wait a few days more to begin testing. Not me. I am a self-proclaimed pee on a stick (POAS) addict. I am actually proud of myself that I have only taken two tests this cycle, and I am 13 dpo. Thank goodness for the dollar tree, where they have very reliable pregnancy tests (according to for $1 a pop. Otherwise, I'd probably be dropping $25 a month on pregnancy tests.

The problem with being a POAS addict is that it drives you to insanity. First comes the decision to POAS. For me, this usually happens in the evening. Because I know the insanity it causes, I really do try to resist the urge to POAS. I am usually very good about this when I wake up in the morning, but, in the evening, after I’ve had a glass of wine, my self-control goes out the window. At first I sit there debating it with myself…well, I have some symptoms (that could be PMS) temps look good (they looked like that last month)'s only a dollar. That last one gets me every time. So then, it's off to the bathroom. And this is where the excitement begins. I think to myself "these could be the last seconds of this phase of my life. Everything could be about to change." I feel my heart rate increase a little. And then I take the test and start at the test window as the urine goes across it. No test line shows up. I walk away for a minute and look again. Still no test line. Well, I should wait longer. A few minutes pass. No test line. Well, I've heard of some people taking almost 10 minutes to get a BFP when it's only 10 dpo. Five minutes later, still no BFP. And then I pick up the test and stare very intently, just to make sure there is no faint line on there. I tip in different directions to ensure shadows aren't hiding a possible faint line. I've even taken a test apart just to make sure.

And then, after wasting 15 minutes of my evening, I sigh and admit defeat. But not really. I think, "There’s still hope. After all, there's only a 35% chance of a positive if I am pregnant.” And those percentages continue to be my lifeline to hope. Even two cycles ago, when I got a BFN at 17 dpo, I held onto the fact that there was an 8% chance it was a false negative (but the arrival of AF later that day brought me back to sanity).

So analyzing symptoms continues. And this just gets worse as PMS kicks in, because Mother Nature likes to be cruel and makes PMS and pregnancy have the exact same symptoms. And even though I know this, the chance I may be PG has caused me to give in to my ravenous PMS hunger even more. After all, if I am PG and this hungry, the baby must need it, right? And then AF arrives and I want to cry when I can barely button my pants and have to resign to dinners of grilled chicken and rabbit food for the next week.

And of course, there is fertility friend, with its multitude of ways to spend endless hours analyzing my chart. My favorite is the "compare my chart" feature, which allows me to compare my charts to those of other people. I love do a search of charts that have the same post ovulation (O) temps as mine and see what percentage of matching charts resulted in pregnancy. Then I will do a search of charts with similar post O temps and coverlines and look at the percentages. Then post O temps, coverlines, and sex patterns. Then post O temps and sex patterns. And then perhaps a few other permutations before moving on to the chart overlay feature.

And then, finally, AF arrives. And it is bittersweet because I now officially know I am not pregnant, but I can also have my sanity back. For a few weeks anyway.
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