In Bed

I only worked a half day today because I was sooooo tired and nauseous. I had to be in the office early yesterday, which meant I was exhausted all day. Last night, I went to bed at 9:30 and set the alarm for 7:00 and was very excited to get a good night's sleep. Then I woke up three times to pee. Then, at 2:00, I woke up starving and had to eat something, which meant I had to brush my teeth, and then it took me an hour to fall back to sleep. Then, at 4:45, a thunderstorm rolled through and lasted an hour and a half. ARRRRGHHH!!! So much for getting adequate sleep.

I went into work, did what I needed to do, and came back home and took a two hour nap. I wish I could do this everyday :D

Morning Sickness

I have it. I've felt queasy on and off since before my BFP, but, the past 5 days have been worse. I feel like I am car sick most of the time. I also have food aversions - nothing ever sounds good, so I just choke something down on a regular basis. I did discover that a baked potato with sour cream goes down well, as does toast with peanut butter.

BTW, the whole term "morning sickness" is a bunch of BS. I actually feel my best in the morning and shittier as the day goes on.

I haven't thrown up yet, thankfully. I have actually impressed myself with how well I am handling it, considering my phobia. I just take deep breaths, try a morning sickness remedy and keep on doing whatever it is I am doing. Although, I must confess that I caved and took a phenegren the other night when I almost threw up.

Part of me likes the morning sickness because it lets me know things are probably going well, although, after half a day of it, I'm like "Okay, you've reminded me enough for today, thanks!" And I’m positive I will not like it if I start throwing up.

So far I've tried the following remedies: ginger tea, candied ginger, mints, gum, Morning Wellness tea, seabands, eating regularly, lemonade, Sour Patch Kids, Lemonheads, Preggie Pops, and B6. They all seem to help a bit, with the exception of the Morning Wellness tea - that stuff makes me gag :x But, I haven't found any miracle cure, yet.

A couple of other things:

I saw my BBT the other day and felt a rush of joy at the realization, that, after a year and a half of temping every morning, I do not have to use that anymore.

I went to Babies R Us the other day to buy the preggie pops and Morning Wellness tea, and I almost broke down crying went I looked at the infant clothing and realized that I could actually buy one of those adorable little onesies.

That’s all for now. I can’t wait to see how much our little one has grown at our u/s this week!

I Can't Believe It

We saw a baby. In my uterus. With a heartbeat. When I saw that heartbeat, I almost started crying. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

The whole experience was so cool. Before the u/s, I mentioned how nervous I was to our RE, and he said, "I am too." And then he inserted the dildo cam, and we saw the wonderful little bubble, and he pointed out the baby and heartbeat to us. Greg, our RE, and I were all so excited!

Here's a picture from the u/s - the baby is that blob in between the two "+" symbols at the top of the black circle. Below the baby, (but hard to see in this picture), is the yolk sac.


My RE said we can relax a little - he said that, once you see the heartbeat, the m/c risk drops from 25% to 10%. Still high enough to keep me worrying, but I feel comfortable enough to put up a ticker now ;)

We go back in a week for another u/s to confirm the baby is growing the way it should.

I can't believe that things are going our way. This is so surreal.

Ultrasound Today

I have an appointment with the dildo cam today. Not to check out my follies. Not to measure my lining. To look for a baby. I can't believe it. I am so excited and so nervous.

And...I Just Almost Threw Up

So, I've been feeling pretty queasy for the past week, but it's been very manageable. Until now, out of nowhere, I got that overwhelming I-am-going-to-throw-up feeling that sent me running to the bathroom. I managed to fight it in a few seconds, but now I am shaking. I have my seabands on, my ginger tea brewing, and my contacts out (in case I get sick, at least I can whip off my glasses and not look at it). I still don't feel too hot. Ugh, I NEED to get over this phobia! How the hell am I going to function if this starts happening regularly?

Awesome Weekend

Greg and I went out of town to visit friends this weekend. We had a great time - the weather was beautiful, we ate a ton of good food, (Remember that weight loss I mentioned? Yeah, I made up for that), and we had so much fun hanging out with friends we've really missed.

The coolest part of the weekend was Friday night. These friends have been struggling with IF, and Greg and I had been looking forward to talking to another couple dealing with the same emotions we were. But, then we got PG, and we weren't sure how to handle the situation - should we tell them? How should we tell them? I thought about sending an email beforehand, because that's how I like to find out about other people being PG, (so I can cry if I need to), but, I thought that was also really awkward: "Hey guys. Looking forward to seeing you this weekend. I just wanted to let you know I'm pregnant. Bye!" So, we decided not to say anything, considering it's so early and we haven't told a lot of people yet anyway.

Anyway, on Friday night, my friend and I were talking about our IF struggles, and how much it sucks. Then she asked, "What are you guys going to do next?" And I kind of stuttered and said, "we're not sure " (which is not a lie - we still aren't out of the danger zone, and, if anything goes wrong with this baby, we don't know what our next step will be). A little later, she said, "Sooooo....there's something I feel like I need to tell you....I got a positive pregnancy test yesterday."

I had to restrain myself from squealing and disturbing everyone at the restaurant, so I just clapped my hands excitedly and said, "That's awesome! We got one last week!" So, then we started talking about how we are really nervous, worrying about every little thing, and trying not to get too excited.

How freaking awesome is that?

Random Stuff at 5 Weeks

My boobs are already getting huge (and sore) - they keep falling out of my V-neck pajama top I like to wear around the house, and putting on a shirt is getting more and more painful.

I'm already in love with naps. I wish I could take them on workdays.

I have to pee 2-3 times a night, and I have a hard time falling back to sleep afterwards. And, if it's after 5:00 am, forget it, I'm awake for the day.

I am thoroughly enjoying the raging appetite, and being able to eat more, guilt free.

I am trying to eat healthy. I've made a point to increase my calcium, fruit, and veggie intake. And I've cut back on artificial sweeteners and caffeine.

Despite all the eating, I have actually lost weight. I have no idea how that is possible.

My push-ups are really girl push-ups.

I got the okay from my doctors to continue exercising. I am taking things down a notch, though. I wear my heart rate monitor and make sure it doesn't get too high. My jogs are more like jog/walks now.

I also go the okay from my CF doctor to switch from Zegerid (Pregnancy Category C) to Zantac (Pregnancy Category B), although, he said I should go back to Zegerid if my heartburn gets too bad.

I have gone to the bathroom just to check out my underwear, more than once.

I am really glad we are going to visit friends this weekend, because waiting for our first u/s is killing me!

The one coworker who knows about our IF struggles told me that I am “already glowing” and that my face “is shiny” the other day. Maybe that’s because I’m no longer using salicylic acid on my face : /

I was so bloated the other night that Greg said, “Wow! You are huge! You already look pregnant!”

I am so thankful for all of your good wishes, thoughts, and prayers!

Made it the Other Side

Still no spotting. I woke up ravenous this morning, and, after I ate, I felt nauseous for a few minutes. Yay!

Today is 18dpo, which means it is the day I am officially late for my period - my longest luteal phase ever was 17 days.

I still think I may get another beta this week, just to give me additional piece of mind while waiting for our first u/s. I'm thinking I'll get it Wednesday or Thursday.

4w3d

Today is the day I woke up to spotting and no more PG symptoms, (the last time we were PG). I slept like crap list night - I kept waking up to pee, and then I had trouble falling back to sleep because I was so nervous: Why wasn't I starving like I have been other nights? Do my boobs hurt because I’m PG, or because I did push-ups yesterday? What happened to the nausea? Getting up to pee is a good sign, right? Please God, let this one stick.

Well, I am happy to say that I have not had any spotting and my boobs are still huge, (I could barely button my sports bra this morning!), so I think that is a good sign. The hunger is not as extreme today, though, so my stomach is still in a bit of a knot. I think we are about 12 hours behind last cycle, based on when we triggered, so I will feel even better when I wake up to no spotting and PG symptoms tomorrow morning.

Beta #2

73. So, we have more than doubled. I'm still really nervous, though, because it's things were looking good at this point last time. I also asked them to check my progesterone, and it was 16.

My RE said I didn't need another beta, but I could call and request one if I decide I want one for piece of mind. I may do that next week, because I'm not sure I will be able to stand waiting two weeks until our first u/s.

In the meantime, I am hoping for lots of symptoms to give me piece of mind!

Beta #1

29 @ 12dpo. My stomach is in knots. I know one number doesn't tell us much, but I was really hoping for something higher, considering things were on the low side last time (20 @ 11dpo). I go in Thursday for beta #2.

Newsflash: IF Messes with Your Head

Ugh, I am having a hard time relaxing. After so many months of disappointment and being so depressed for so long, I just can't believe I finally might get this happiness. The idea of seeing the heartbeat a few weeks from now, or going home for thanksgiving and showing off a little bump, or holding my baby in my arms, is still just a dream to me.

I peed on five sticks this morning. I woke up way too early again today, and I peed on another FRER - and the line was lighter than it was yesterday. So, I started freaking out. I peed on another FRER - still lighter. Then I peed on an internet cheapie - the line was darker than yesterday - phew! Then I peed on a digital - and this time it said "Pregnant" - double phew! Then I decided to pee on another internet cheapie to make sure the line really was darker - and it was. Hello Crazy, nice to meet you.

I feel nauseated, and that is also making me feel better. This is really saying something considering I have lived my entire life in terror of vomiting.

My mom is also really nervous. We decided to tell our parents right away because they have been along for this ride with us. When I told my mom, "I am pregnant again" she said, "Oooookaaayyyy...." and I was like, "Don't sound so excited." And, she admitted, "It's hard to be excited after what happened last time." That sucked. At least my sister was happy to hear the news (my sister rocks my world).

Let's Try This Again

I got a faint BFP this morning! The digital said "Not Pregnant", but, as I've learned, those are less sensitive than FRERs. I also got a positive on an internet dip stick. I am only 11dpo today, but I couldn't resist testing because my chart has been looking so good and I've had crazy symptoms - even more than with my first BFP.

Greg and I are excited - I took the test at 5:00 am and woke him up by crawling on top of him and saying "I'm pregnant!" He said, "Yessss!!!" and hugged me, and I started laughing.

But, we are also very nervous. I am anxiously awaiting Sunday, which will be when the spotting started last time. Passing that day will be a milestone for me. We also have to get through at least a few betas - I don't have one scheduled, but I'm assuming my RE will have me come in for one tomorrow.

I am hoping that the extra symptoms are a good sign - I am already feeling naseated and my boobs are very full - something that didn't happen last time.

I'm am praying to God to let this one stick!

Well, the Trigger is Gone

It took 9.5 days this time. It seems to keep get longer - I hope this doesn't mean my metabolism is slowing down!

I am 9dpiui today and feeling hopeful, although I am trying not to get my hopes up too much because they've been bashed to pieces too many times. But, my chart is looking good - the only other time it has looked like this was the cycle we got PG. And I'm having lots of phantom symptoms. I keep praying to God to let these be real phantom symptoms and not just amplified PMS.

Fingers crossed!