Monday, May 25, 2009

CD 1

Yesterday was CD 1. I don't think I have ever been so relieved for CD 1. My body is allowing me to move on. So far, it has not been too bad. (TMI warning: I am sharing this info for others who may be interested, but it may be kind-of gross). Yesterday was just like a light AF. Today started out like a heavier AF. I took two Advil at 5:00 AM (woke up with cramps - don't worry, I didn't get up that early, I went back to sleep), and I felt fine all morning. I took two more at 1:00 in anticipation of having my eyebrows threaded at 2:00. While I was having my brows done, I started having awful AF cramps. "WTF?" I thought, "I took two Advil an hour ago, I shouldn't be having cramps." When my brows were done, I used the restroom and saw lots of clots and a tiny bit of tissue - definitely not the norm for me. After that one incident, my cramps subsided and it returned to a normal AF.

I have started feeling better during the past couple of days, although I am still sad and probably always will be when I think about this. It's funny, because moving forward is kind-of like moving backward. I am getting back to the place I was in before we got pregnant: Planning, anticipating, and hoping. But, I must admit, there is now more bitterness mixed with those feelings.

We went to a BBQ yesterday, and I had been dreading it because I knew I would see my friend's newborn. Well, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that, although I wanted to burst into tears upon seeing the baby, I was fine after my initial reaction. I was even able to hold her and felt okay.

So, I think we are moving on. I still want that week of happiness back. I still grieve for the loss of our first child, even if we only had him/her for a very short time. But, I am feeling more encouraged by the good news I have been concentrating on: We can get pregnant. And 50% of all first pregnancies end in early miscarriage. This is not to say I won't be terribly nervous when we get pregnant again, but I am concentrating on the odds, (most pregnancies after a first miscarriage are successful), and praying that we will see another BFP very soon.


girlykat said...

I hope you get another BFP real soon. ((hugs))

Crysbena said...

I'm sorry for your loss... I'm glad your body is cooperating and hope you get your sticky BFP soon.

Lindsay said...

I'm glad your body is finally letting you move on. Will you all do an IUI this cycle?

Shannon said...

You've been through alot and I've been thinking of you often. Knowing you can get pregnant by no means takes away the pain but, I dont know, I hope it does give you some hope. I like this quote, it got me through alot of times when I just wasnt sure I could try it all again.

When the world says, "Give up,"
hope whispers, "Try it one more time."

Amy said...

I'm glad you can finally "move on" even though I know that's hard to say. ((HUGS))

Shannon said...

I LOVE what Shannon wrote,
When the world says, "Give up,"
hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
I am thinking of you often.

mtendere said...

I know how hard it is, but I'm glad you're starting to have some hope and look toward the future. I hope you're celebrating another BFP very soon.

Something Simple Design said...

Congrats on the return of AF! It is a healing process to get her back. I'll be praying for you this next cycle!! You wouldn't believe how many people have told me their first was a m/c now that I've told my story. Have hope!!

A/K said...

I'm glad your body is ready to go again. My thoughts are with you and I'm praying for your sticky baby soon.

Silvina said...

I found your blog on Shannon's blog page and I hope you don't mind that I read it. I totally know what your going through. I had 2 early m/cs just like you. You will never forget them and time heals all wounds. I think what always got me through was thinking that I knew I could get pg. Just like you now know you can get pg. The cramps and clots were all normal, I had the same thing. The cramps were really bad for me at times. I wish you the best and I hope you get a BFP VERY soon!!!

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