Friday, May 8, 2009

Hope's a Bitch

I am now 8 dpiui and 9 days past trigger. My first two IUI cycles, my trigger was out after 8.5 and 9 days. So, it should be out by now, right? But, I got a very, very faint positive this morning. Not an evap line, definitely a real, light pink line. Now, the logical part of me knows this is probably just because the trigger is taking a little longer to leave my system. But, the stupid part of my mind keeps wandering to those urban legends of people getting BFPs at 8 dpo. “What if it’s a real BFP?” the stupid part of my mind keeps asking me.

Alas, this is just a part of the “hopes a bitch” portion of the cycle. When I start to think that every little PMS symptoms is really a pregnancy symptom. Where I let myself have that extra piece of cake because “I must be eating for two. Why else would I be starving?” I even begin to let myself imagine what it would be like to share the BFP news with everyone – how I would write it to my friends on the Nest, how I would tell my sister, how I would post it in this blog. And I think, maybe, just maybe, I can go out and buy What to Expect While You are Expecting in a few days.

And then, a few days later, my temperature comes crashing down and I start spotting and I curse myself for getting my hopes up. However, once I recover from the pain of another failed cycle, I begin again to feel hopeful that this cycle will be the one.

Sigh...please let this be the cycle where the rollercoaster ends!


Jessica said...

The rollercoaster of TTC is quite tiresome, but without some hope we wouldn't want to continue.
I hope this is a real BFP!!

Amy said...

I do so many of the same things you were just describing. I REALLY hope that was a positive and not the trigger. I'm praying for you!

Shannon said...

Hope can make you crazy! But Im going to be optimistic for you and HOPE this is it, good luck!

Cindy said...

I hope this is definatley a BFP! The first time I took my test (AM), I got that really, really faint line. By the time I got home from work, I took another one bc my mind was spinning and I just knew it couldn't be BFP. My 2nd test for the day around 5:30 was BRIGHT pink, def. BFP!!!
Hoping your next test shows brighter pink positive!

The Baby Diaries said...

Awww hun, I feel for you, everything you say sounds so familiar! I must have planned out telling people and being pregnant 100 times over the last 2 years! I'm hoping SO MUCH that this will be your month. Thinking of you loads.
Emma x

Alicea (mnbride1013) said...

Well - I guess I'm an urban legend because I got my first BFP at 8 dpo. I'm hoping this is your first BFP, too!!

shotzie said...

I'm in the same spot right now. All day I've been thinking about how I would tell people, how I'd post about it if it happens this time around... It's so hard not to get your hopes up and it sucks when it all comes crashing down.

I've got my fingers crossed for you!

Maeghan said...

Regardless of whatever that damned stick says

Serendipite said...

Good luck - I say keep peeing LOL It will either fade or get stronger, right?

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