Slightly Annoyed

I called my RE's office today to let them know about AF's arrival. When I called, I told the nurse that I had a question for the RE. I explained to her about how last month's CD13 u/s showed I had already O'd, and how the RE told me, "We could do an IUI today, but I don't think it's worth it." I also explained that the RE said, "Next month we'll have you come in on CD12."

I was concerned that CD12 might be too late. So, I asked the nurse, "If I come in for an u/s on CD12 and then O the morning of CD13, wouldn't that be too late to do an IUI, considering CD13 was too late last cycle? Shouldn't my u/s be earlier than CD12?" And she did not understand what I was asking and kept saying ,"Noooo, it should be fine, but I'll ask the doctor."

Then she called back a few hours later and told me, in a slightly condescending tone, "The doctor said that, although you ovulated on CD13 last time, he looked at your chart and sometimes you don't ovulate until after CD14. So then CD11 could be too early. But if you WANT to come in on CD11, then we can schedule it for then."

I explained to her that I understood and was fine coming in for multiple u/s if necessary. I did not want to risk missing another cycle. So, u/s is scheduled for CD11. I just don't understand why they don't understand. I don't think I am being unreasonable, but they are making me feel like I am being an overly-demanding patient.

Oh well, all that really matters is if they can help us get PG, and I guess it's a case of needing to to be a PITA in order to be an advocate for yourself in the doctor's office. That's one thing I have learned from having CF!

Cycle 14

Well, that was my longest luteal phase ever! AF arrived yesterday. Now I am hoping for a relatively speedy O, because Greg has to go out of town from CD16 to CD21. We may be able to squeeze-in an IUI the morning of CD16, if we can get the RE to come to his office bright and early on a Sunday.

As far as my health, I am feeling better. I even went to the gym yesterday, although I am still a little tired. I'm no longer blaming the cleaning products because Greg is now sick with similar symptoms. So, I guess it was just a random virus.

My Ute Needs a Stern Talking To

Grrrr...I am very annoyed at my ute. 16 dpo, BFN, AF nowhere in sight. WTF. I have never gone this long without at least some spotting. Maybe it's the clomid lengthening my luteal phase? Whatever it is, if AF doesn't come by tomorrow, we might have to cancel next cycle too because Greg has to go out of town when I might be ovulating. I think I will lose my mind if that happens!

As far as my health, I am feeling better. I'm not coughing up as much junk, but I am still really tired and a little achy. I didn't sleep well Mon or Tue night, so that didn't help. But, I slept 10 hours last night, so hopefully I will have more energy today. I have been working 4-5 hours a day the past few days. I love that my job is flexible like that!

Oh, and I wanted to share this blog with my readers. It's the birth story of a woman with CF who just had a daughter via surrogate. It brought me to tears. Congratulations to Natalia and her family!

Sick Day

I decided to call-in sick today. I am feeling better than I was yesterday, but I'm still really tired. Hopefully a day of rest will cure me. The CF doc just said to increase my airway clearance and call if I start feeling worse.

I Think I'm Sick

So, my temperature is still high. It went down 0.2 degrees, but it's still higher than it has ever been at 12dpo. However, I took a test this morning and it was a BFN. And, I feel like crap: A little achy and very tired. Plus, I coughed up a small amount of blood-streaked phlegm this morning. I am still starving and eating non-stop, which is kind-of odd, but I still think I am just getting sick, so I am calling the CF doc in the morning.

Huge Temp Spike

My BBT was over 99 degrees this morning - that is the highest it has ever been when I am not sick. I don't feel sick, (I think it was the cleaner that made me feel like crap the other day). The phantom symptoms have also been killing me - hunger, a few cramps, heartburn, and even a little nausea. I am trying not to get my hopes up, but, of course, part of me is hoping all my body needed was Clomid and not IUI and that we still have a shot at things this cycle. And, I must admit, having a little hope does make me feel better :)

I Feel Like Crap

I woke up in the middle of the night last night from an asthma attack. My asthma usually acts up at night, thanks to my GERD irritating my lungs (my CF doctor explained that the acid rises up in my throat when I lie down, and then I inhale the fumes). However, last night there was full-on wheezing going on, something that rarely happens to me unless I am sick. And now I am coughing up green junk. I hope it's caused by the fumes from the new floor cleaner our housekeepers used yesterday (the smell was so strong!) and that I am not getting sick. I need to call the housekeepers and tell them not to use that stuff again.

Negative

So, after six days in a row of positive OPKs, today I finally got a negative. Experiment over. Now I know that, for me, many days in a row of positive First Response or Answer OPKs does not mean two overlapping surges.

OPK at 5 dpo

This is the sixth day that I've gotten a positive OPK. I remember reading on POAS.com, (which, sadly, is no longer online), that getting so many positive OPKs in a row means your body geared up to O and then didn't, so it geared up to O again right away, giving multiple overlapping surges. However, because I had the CD13 u/s, I know this is not the case. Weird.

Chin Up

Well, I am feeling better. I still have that constant, underlying feeling of sadness, but I am much better than I was the other day and last month. I keep reminding myself that our next IUI cycle is only a few weeks away.

I really can't believe it will be 3.5 months between IUIs. The silver lining to this break is that we put more money in savings and were able to install new laminate flooring in the bedroom (goodbye dust mites!).

So, in the meantime, I am doing a little experiment: I am continuing to use OPKs and my CBEFM. I know that I ovulated on CD13, so I find it interesting that I never got a positive OPK until that morning, and I continued to get lows on my CBEFM until today (CD15), when I got a high. WTF? And I am still getting positive OPKs. So, I think it is safe to say that the monitor and OPKs don't work well for me. I don't understand why - I guess it just takes longer for the LH to reach my urine?

I am still ticked-off at my RE for his lack of monitoring, and I am concerned that he doesn't want me to come in until CD12 next cycle. My question is: if I get an u/s on CD12 and ovulate on CD13, won't we be in the exact same situation as this month, in which the RE said CD13 was too late to do the IUI? I am going to ask this question once I get my period and it's time to schedule everything. I also decided to look into seeing the other group of REs in town, but, unfortunatley, they are not covered by my insurance.

Oh, and I got a massage yesterday. Ahhhhh....that was awesome. I had a deep-tissue massage because my back has been killing me for months and Greg's massages just haven't been doing the trick. It hurt so much that I wanted to jump off the massage table the entire time, but it was a good hurt, YKWIM? And now my back feels so.much.better! I wish I could afford to go every week!

God Fucking Damnit!!!

My RE's office had me come in for an ultrasound this afternoon. And guess what? I already ovulated! My fear that a CD14 ultrasound would be too late has come true. IUI canceled. Fanfuckingtastic.

I am so pissed because I told my RE that I sometimes O as early as CD13 (which is today). But, I was trying to trust the doctor. He apologized and said, "Next time we will do the u/s on CD13" and I said, "TODAY is CD13, wouldn't that be too late?” He replied "Oh yeah. CD12 next time." ::headdesk::

To top things off, thanks to my yeast infection, Greg and I haven't had sex since Friday, which means there's not much hope of it happening on our own, (not that I have much hope for that even with good timing). I asked him to come home ASAP so we could give it one more try. The RE said there is a slight chance of still getting sperm to meet egg, but not enough to warrant spending the $$$ to do an IUI today.

I am so freaking sick of this. I just started sobbing when I got into my car. I want to at least be trying again. I feel completely empty and hopeless. I can't stand to hear from my pregnant friends anymore and I have been isolating myself. The fact that we were about to have hope again had made me feel so much better, and maybe I could come out of the woodwork again. And now it's gone and I have to wait another month. God, I am almost freaking 33. I want to have two children, separately. Not only am I racing against the biological clock, I am racing against the health clock. I feel like things are slowly slipping away from me, and I am going to be stuck going to a job that I hate to pay for IF when all I want to do is be a SAHM.

Oh, and here's the lesson part of my post, in case anyone is interested: During the u/s the first thing the RE did was comment on how great my lining looked - 8.5 mm, up from 6.5 mm last clomid cycle. I have been taking baby aspirin, and he agreed that it had definitely helped. Then he went to my lead follicle and comments on how "hazy" it looked, which meant it had just ovulated or was about to ovulated. He also said the follicle tends to shrink a bit right before/after ovulation, which explains why it only measured 17mm. Then he checked for fluid in the abdominal cavity: fluid = already ovulated. And there was fluid there. So, that's that.

Crap!

Positive OPK. It's not super positive, but the test line is the same as the control line. I got a low on my CBEFM, but I could see that the test line had gotten darker, and I think I'll get a peak tomorrow. So, my current interpretation is that I am going to O tomorrow. And my u/s isn't until tomorrow. This is why I get nervous about my RE scheduling my u/s on CD14 - sometimes I O on CD13 or CD14, so a CD14 u/s + a CD15 IUI would be too late.

So, I am going to call the RE's office as soon as they open. Of course, I made the mistake of having the trigger shot delivered today, so I probably won't even have it if the want me to trigger right away.

I was also worried about Greg's sperm count. He haven't had sex since Friday, thanks to a yeast infection I got, (freaking Colistin...grrrr....), so I wasn't sure if he should take care of buisness this morning to give us 24 hours, or to hold off and give us 5 days. When I mentioned this to him, he said, "I'll just take care of things this morning. My sperm count is fine, and I'd rather have fresh swimmers." Then, a few minutes later, "Wait! I just remembered I had a wet dream last night, so we don't have a choice either way. Hahahaha!" Ahhhh....the romance is just intoxicating.