God Fucking Damnit!!!

My RE's office had me come in for an ultrasound this afternoon. And guess what? I already ovulated! My fear that a CD14 ultrasound would be too late has come true. IUI canceled. Fanfuckingtastic.

I am so pissed because I told my RE that I sometimes O as early as CD13 (which is today). But, I was trying to trust the doctor. He apologized and said, "Next time we will do the u/s on CD13" and I said, "TODAY is CD13, wouldn't that be too late?” He replied "Oh yeah. CD12 next time." ::headdesk::

To top things off, thanks to my yeast infection, Greg and I haven't had sex since Friday, which means there's not much hope of it happening on our own, (not that I have much hope for that even with good timing). I asked him to come home ASAP so we could give it one more try. The RE said there is a slight chance of still getting sperm to meet egg, but not enough to warrant spending the $$$ to do an IUI today.

I am so freaking sick of this. I just started sobbing when I got into my car. I want to at least be trying again. I feel completely empty and hopeless. I can't stand to hear from my pregnant friends anymore and I have been isolating myself. The fact that we were about to have hope again had made me feel so much better, and maybe I could come out of the woodwork again. And now it's gone and I have to wait another month. God, I am almost freaking 33. I want to have two children, separately. Not only am I racing against the biological clock, I am racing against the health clock. I feel like things are slowly slipping away from me, and I am going to be stuck going to a job that I hate to pay for IF when all I want to do is be a SAHM.

Oh, and here's the lesson part of my post, in case anyone is interested: During the u/s the first thing the RE did was comment on how great my lining looked - 8.5 mm, up from 6.5 mm last clomid cycle. I have been taking baby aspirin, and he agreed that it had definitely helped. Then he went to my lead follicle and comments on how "hazy" it looked, which meant it had just ovulated or was about to ovulated. He also said the follicle tends to shrink a bit right before/after ovulation, which explains why it only measured 17mm. Then he checked for fluid in the abdominal cavity: fluid = already ovulated. And there was fluid there. So, that's that.